Next to Me
by Schnapsidee
Summary: Meredith and Derek are looking forward to a break from all the drama after an eventful first year at Seattle Grace. But on the first day of their vacation they discover that the events keep coming even if you desperately wish to ignore them. Follow the original Grey's couple on their journey through medical America. This is a MerDer AU story.
1. Chapter 1 - Prologue – As We Know It

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters and plots belong to ABC and Shonda Rhimes. I own nothing. Enjoy.

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Meredith and Derek are looking forward to a break from all the drama after an eventful first year at Seattle Grace. But on the first day of their vacation they discover that the events keep coming even if you desperately wish to ignore them. Follow the original Grey's couple on their journey through medical America. This is a MerDer AU story, all changes to the original plot are explained.

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Chapter 1 - Prologue: As We Know It

"What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?" Meredith whispered to herself as she stood in the OR, her hand in a body cavity keeping it from bleeding out and holding live unexploded ammo steady. She didn't know why she did it but as soon as the paramedic started freaking out pulling her hand out off the body, she reflexively placed her hand inside instead. In a split second she had decided what she needed to do. Unlike her, the other OR occupants reacted as one would expect – throwing themselves on the ground to protect themselves from a very possible explosion.

Now she was stuck, stuck where the danger was, stuck in an OR without any potential surgery, stuck where she might die, just because she reacted before she had the time to think about the potential consequences.

"You realize how stupid that was?" enquired Dylan, the bomb squad guy as she had dubbed him. He was an intimidating and cold man and if Meredith was honest she didn't like his attitude. She knew that this was a highly stressful situation for everyone involved. He and his team got called to the hospital after they discovered that their patient had accidently shot himself with a homemade bazooka, that failed to explode.

"It was. Incredible stupid, Mer." Cristina agreed as she ventilated the patient with an ambu-bag looking at her concernedly.

"Okay, you know when you don't need to be made fun of? Like when you have your hand inside a body that's got a bomb in it and a stranger is valcro-ing a flak jacket to your boobs." Meredith shot back, being totally aware of what she just did.

"You have a sense of irony." Dylan said as he fixed the last piece of Velcro to her jacket, that would only offer minimal protection would the bomb explode right under her.

"Only when things are really ironic." Meredith rolled her eyes looking at her person pointedly. "I had a feeling, Cristina."

Meredith had woken up with a really bad feeling this morning that she couldn't shake. Deciding the best would be to stay home and to wait for it to pass, Meredith had stayed in bed. Since Derek had been on call that night and had an early surgery, George and Izzy had called in Cristina as reinforcement to kick her out of bed.

"Not a word to Derek. There is no need for him to know. He has Bailey's husband on the table."

"What do you expect I should do then, lie to him?"

"No, just don't tell him it's me."

Dr. Burke reentered his OR, bringing the conversation between the two friends to an halt. After a silent fight between the odd couple Burke ended up kicking Cristina out of the OR.

* * *

While Meredith was stuck with the patient getting instructed by the bomb squad about what would be happening the entire hospital was in a panicked state. Most of the surgical staff had evacuated the OR floors, some of them had gone home, others stayed and waited for updates. Critical patients had been transferred to different hospitals, while others had left voluntarily. Richard Webber had all hands full trying to manage this unique situation to his best abilities, bringing him to the limit of his emotional state. Everyone wanted something: information, instructions, statements, ORs and all he tried to do was preventing this situation to go from bad to worse.

"Where is the head of the bomb squad. I need to speak him now." Richard yelled out of his makeshift office, after finally receiving the hospital's blue prints and with that more bad news.

* * *

"Stop it." Meredith said, watching the two concerned men talking to each other at the OR entrance. Dylan just came back after talking with the Chief and was now updating Burke about the newest developments at hand. Both of them glancing at Meredith as if she was about to die. "I am not a patient. You are looking at me the way we look at patients. Like I'll freak our any minute. I am not going to freak out. So whatever it is, just tell me straight out."

"The hospital's main oxygen line runs directly under this room." Burke finally told her, in a solemn tone.

"Okay." Meredith said, still watching the men, that she had spent way too much time with already, when the man she actually wanted to be with was half way down the hall. "Not okay. Well, I need one of you to tell me what this means exactly. Because I think I know what this means, but I tend to be 'glass half empty' these days, so I won't trust what I think it means. Because What I think this means is that the entire hospital could blow up, which is just crazy." Meredith finished breathing heavily starting to freak out.

"Meredith, all it means is that we have to move." Dylan told her, apparently he hadn't got so far with Burke, who was looking at him strangely.

"Move?" Meredith exclaimed, "Let me get that straight. I can't wiggle me fingers, because I could shift the ammo and you want me to move to a different OR? While I stay completely still? This is insane."

"This is our best option."

"This is insane. You know that? Totally mental." Meredith exclaimed.

"You got this Grey?" Burke asked her.

"I got this, Sir. Let's do this." Meredith said more confidently after overcoming the initial shock.

* * *

In the OR down the hall Cristina was assisting Derek. She had been kicked out off Burke's OR earlier but instead of clearing the OR floor as he asked her to she had walked into the next best operating room. She just couldn't leave Burke behind, but more than that knowing that her stupid person was the one in immediate danger, in actual contact with an explosive device made her sick to her stomach. Over the next two hours she was silently assisting in Tucker's surgery while Derek was oblivious about how much the situation down the hall could and would affect him.

As they were nearing the end, Cristina saw movement through the small glass feature of the OR door.

"I am going to check how they are doing. I will be back." Cristina told Derek as she pulled off her gloves and mask exiting the room without giving her superior a chance to reply.

What she saw made her even more sick then she already felt. Two bomb squad members where pushing the OR table slowly through the corridor. As the tiny wheels of the table turned Meredith moved alongside it in a snail pace her hand still in the patient. One of the guys was going over instructions while Meredith listened closely.

"What are you doing?" Cristina exclaimed.

"We are moving to a different OR – you know – in case we blow up. So that we don't take the entire hospital down with us." Meredith told her person honestly. Cristina just looked sad.

"Didn't Burke asked you to leave?" Dylan scowled.

"Where is he?" Cristina wanted to know.

"You should really go." Dylan persisted

"He is prepping the OR." Meredith told her the truth once again, much to Dylan's distaste.

"So he will never know, will he." Cristina argued.

"Tell me something Cristina."

"What?"

"Tell me something. Anything. Cristina I have my hand on live unexploded ammo. I am about to freak out and I really have to pee. Just tell me something."

Cristina went on to tell her person her dilemma of Burke telling sleeping her that he told her that he loved her and how she wasn't sure what to do. Calming Meredith down until she had to leave her alone when they finally made it to the OR door after what felt like an eternity. Reluctantly she went back to Derek's surgery, but when he asked her how Hannah the paramedic was doing she couldn't hold back and tell him the truth about Meredith's situation. The experienced neurosurgeon froze for a second, trying to digest the unexpected information he just learned. Just then Tucker's condition deteriorated sending his heart into arrhythmias, leaving no room for further questions about the happenings down the hall.

* * *

Meredith had successfully pulled the ammo as level as possible out of the patient, handing over the unexploded device to the bomb squad guy. For the first time in hours Meredith was free from any kind of responsibility and not in any immediate threat to her live. She watched as Dylan carried the bomb out of the room to where his colleague was waiting with the special box. For the first time today she should be able take a breath but couldn't. The OR - that normally provided so much comfort – all of the sudden constricted her ability to breath. She had to leave those four walls, leave this floor.

Meredith exited the room in a hurry, coming to an abrupt halt. She watched as Dylan carefully carried the device down the hall to its safe space, when all of the sudden everything slowed down. It happened in an instant, one second she was watching two guys walking down a hallway, the next second they were gone. Disappeared into nothingness. And before she could comprehend what just happened, the sound of the explosion and the shock wave hit her, throwing her several feet back into the hallway. Meredith flew trough he air, like she weighed nothing, before she came crashing to the floor with the full force of the explosion. She slid down the rubble covered hallway, hitting her head in the process, not only once but twice. Debris, shattered glass and red colored dust were still raining down on her body as she fought with consciousness until darkness took over.

* * *

The sound of the explosion was heard all through the hospital mobilizing people to see what happened on the surgical floor. In the other occupied OR on the floor, two people starred at each other with wide eyes, cold chills running down their spines. They were just able to stabilize Tucker and there was no way that Derek would be able to leave the OR even if that was what his body was telling him to do. Only the sound of the monitors where heard as Cristina and Derek shared this moment.

"Go." Derek whispered. "Make sure she is okay and don't leave her side. I'll be there as soon as I can." Derek pleaded, urging Cristina to check out what happened to Meredith.

Cristina left the OR in a hurry eager to find out what happened and afraid at what she would find when she turned the corner. The once sterile surgical hallway was unrecognizable, windows were blown, parts of the wall and ceiling were covering the floor, paper had caught fire while the entire air was tinted into a reddish light. The sight in front of Cristina was disturbing. A couple feet away Cristina could make a small figure in light blue scrubs.

"Meredith." Cristina breathed out as she checked her pulse, which was very noticeable. Her person was covered in cuts and bruises, the face covered in a mixture of blood and ash. It had been minutes since the bomb went off and Meredith's eyes fluttered open, looking in the concerned eyes of her person, her sight a little blurred by all the dirt.

"Meredith." Cristina breathed again. "Welcome back."

"They are gone." Meredith muttered silent tears escaping her eyes, leaving clean trails on her otherwise dirty face.

"I know."

* * *

After Cristina made sure, that there was nothing immediate wrong with her person, Izzy and her took Meredith into the intern looker room, helping her getting cleaned up to further assess her injuries. Meredith hadn't uttered a single word since her brief exchange with Cristina and kept crying silently. Her friends were keeping her up, both physically and emotionally as she let them do whatever they seemed necessary. This is how she found herself in an exam room getting her minor cuts cleaned and bigger ones stitched up.

An hour after the explosion Derek entered the room the chief had directed him to, being met by the saddest view of Meredith he had ever seen. Wrapping her in his arms, her floodgates opened dead sorrow shook her chest.

"It's okay. You are okay. I love you." Derek tried to sooth her, while Meredith sobbed into his chest.

"What happened?" He asked Cristina concernedly after several minutes of no responds from Meredith's side.

Cristina updated him about what she had pieced together about what happened and her person's condition. "When I got there, she was unconscious, but regained it pretty quickly. She hasn't said much. We just cleaned the cuts and got the bigger ones stitched up." she looked at the pair. "Call me of you need anything." With said the friends leaving the couple alone.

After what felt like hours Meredith finally calmed down enough for Derek to talk her into a quick neuro exam, to make sure the blow hasn't done any damage. After everything had checked out okay, Derek wanted her to have a CT to make sure she was 100% okay, which she vetoed, much to his dismay. Her head was pounding, which was expected after what happened today, but she didn't see the necessity, since everything checked out fine.

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12/31/18 - Happy last day of 2018. Any input? Please let me know. Liked it? Follow for more.


	2. Chapter 2 - Internship

Still don't own anything. Enjoy.

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Chapter 2 - Internship

Today was the day, the day that she had been preparing for, for months, the day of the dreaded intern exam. Two hours of testing, of answering complicated surgical questions. And then she would be free for two blissful weeks, the first time being off for an extended period of time in a year. She loved her job, but she could really use a break, after this eventful year. When someone would have told her about the things she would be experiencing the past year and that she would be in a relationship by the end of it, she would have declared them insane and had them committed.

* * *

She met Derek in the bar after the intern mixer. They drank scotch and tequila, until she took him home for a delightful night of hot dirty sex on her living room floor. Never expecting to see him again she kicked him to the curb the next morning, already late for her first day as a doctor. A mere twelve hours later she saw him again, in his dark blue scrubs bringing out his blue orbs and his amazing hair. Of course she had to pick up not only her boss at the bar but her boss's boss and the head of neurosurgery at that.

Dr. Derek Shepherd had moved to Seattle from New York post divorce to his wife of eleven years after finding her and his best friend in bed together. He had sold his private practice to become head of neurosurgery at Seattle Grace, had bought a huge chunk of land overlooking Seattle, where he lived in an airstream trailer, went fishing whenever he could and did a full 180 from his luxury New York life.

Meredith's first attempts to keep her distance from the handsome neurosurgeon had failed miserably. After three weeks they were dating, by week five of her internship he basically moved in with her and her intern roommates. They had had their ups and downs, especially when his ex-wife decided that Seattle was in desperate need of an excellent neo-natal surgeon. Addison was soon being followed by Dr. Mark Sloan, a self-declared and widely respected plastics god.

Derek's move across the country drew the final line under his failed marriage and everything that reminded him of his previous life. Them coming and invading his new formed life threw Derek off the loop. He suspected that Addison's move was highly motivated by trying to fix what was already more than broken. The mere appearance of his ex-wife rocked the already interesting relationship between Meredith and Derek. Over the last year in Seattle Derek and Addison had become friendly co-workers, both accepting that their marriage was over long before the faithful night in New York. Mark was reinstated as best friend.

In the end Meredith was glad that she took the leap into her relationship and that she had Derek by her side through the chaos of this year. Without him and her person Dr. Cristina Yang, a driven intern obsessed with everything cardio-thoracic-surgery, she would have given up a long time ago.

Just before Thanksgiving her mom was admitted for the first time, spoiling her forcibly well-kept secret to the entire hospital.

In January she found herself in an OR keeping live ammunition steady while they evacuated the hospital, only to see the bomb go off in the hallway leading to the death of two bomb squad members. The blast knocked her out cold for a good minute, but she could convince a very worried Derek that she was fine and in no need for any medical treatments. The headaches, that had plagued her since her teenage years, had been much worse ever since this incident. Meredith being Meredith she tried to ignore the pain as much as possible, trying to live her best live.

In February Izzie one of Bailey's infamous interns quit the program after cutting the LVAD-wire of her patient/fiancé and receiving a big fat check. Izzie had used the check to finance a free clinic for Seattle Grace and after spending much time there, she decided that she would much rather go into family medicine, than continuing her training as a surgeon. She had moved out of Meredith's house and started her residency at Seattle Pres. Ever since then the former tight group hadn't heard from her. At the same time, Dr. Burke had suffered a gun shout wound, resulting in an tremor that he ignored to report to the Chief, pulling Cristina into his secrets and lies, until she couldn't bare the secrecy anymore. The couple had their falling out, after Cristina found the courage to repot Burke's condition to the Chief. He left in a cloak and dagger situation and was never to be seen or heard again.

In March her mom was back in the hospital for a heart condition. Bringing her in completely lucid was Meredith's worst nightmare come to life. She was judging Meredith about her every decision she had done over the last five years. This already really bad day ended with her surviving a three hour clinical death resulting from an almost drowning in Eliot Bay, after triaging a patient following a tragic ferryboat accident. Meredith woke up to the news of her mom's passing from her heart condition. Her mom was now residing in beautiful urn in the back of Meredith's closet, with kind of weirded her out.

During this time she had to meet her father's new happy family, while she was treating her half-sister's newborn. His wife Susan was very motherly - almost acting as a surrogate mother to her - trying to help as much as she could.

The last hit that Meredith had to endure during her first year in Seattle, happened just weeks before today. Her surrogate mother came in with the hiccups and caught a serious bacterial infection which lead to her unexpected death. Her father had blamed her entirely, leaving her abandoned by him once again.

Though it all the crazy, neuro kept her sane. She couldn't say if it had to do with the fact that Derek was there, but she came to love this specialty. Standing in an OR watching Derek resect complicated tumors, spreading calm while he expertly taught the interns and residents, was her safe heaven. She liked the delicate movements of this discipline. She had a talent for both general and neuro, so she wasn't ready to declare only one specialty yet. Outside of the OR Cristina was there for her many freak-out moments. Those two were inseparable, sharing their realistic - sometimes quite pessimistic - worldview. Both of them were leading on their year, not only with their broad medical and surgical knowledge but also their technique.

* * *

Meredith had five more minutes of her internship year, going over her answers once more, she was looking forward to her time off. She loved her job, but she couldn't wait to finally put her intern year behind her and to finally have some real responsibility. Derek had taken two weeks off as well and instead of going away they had decided to spend some quality time at home, exploring Seattle and the surrounding areas.

The exam was not as bad as she had expected and she was well prepared. But her head was killing her once again. She just couldn't get rid of her stupid headaches nowadays. If it just would be the headaches, she would be fine, but she was dizzy more often and kept running into things. She always tended to be more on the clumsy side. She just needed a well-deserved break.

„Okay, that's it. Pens down." the exam coordinator told them "You will receive the results whether you passed or not by tonight. The more detailed information with your scouring will be send to you within the next two weeks."

Meredith couldn't believe that it was really done. Grinning from ear to ear, she made her way out of the room chatting with Cristina.

"Well that was better than expected. Did you have any problems with the questions." Cristina asked.

"No, to be honest, I think I killed it." Meredith exclaimed giggling.

"Good, me too. What will I do without surgery for two long weeks?" Cristina complained.

"Cristina, you are going to a cardiology conference. You took time off to go to a conference to listen to people talk about cardio-thoracic surgery. I seriously think I you have a problem. A serious problem." Meredith mocked her person seeing Derek leaning against the nurses station smiling at her.

"Hey, how did it go?" Derek asked, embracing her.

"Do you want the official answer or the boyfriend answer?" Meredith replied, smiling at him.

"Boyfriend answer."

"I think, I killed it."

"I knew it." He mumbled, kissing her.

"You guys are sickening. I am going to look for something to do. See you at Joe's later." Cristina said while leaving them be.

The intern class had decided to celebrate the end of an successful intern year at Joe's, the bar across the hospital where Meredith and Derek met almost a year ago. Over the year they became a tight knit group. Since Meredith was dating Derek, he would be there as well. Mark had a soft spot for the interns especially for Meredith, who he called his fellow dirty mistress club member, even though Meredith never slept with Derek while he was still married. But it made him feel better, so she humored him. Mark was best friends with Callie Torres, who would be in her last year of residency the next year. She recently started dating Arizona Robbins, a cute blonde perky pediatric surgeon, Alex admired. Their group kept growing and growing and more people had joined over the year. Funnily enough what started as an intern group of five, now only contained four interns and more residents and attendings.

"Are you finished, yet or do you need to finish some more stuff before our break?" Meredith asked Derek as they made their way to his office.

"I still have to finish some paperwork and hand my service over to Nelson. Shouldn't take more than an hour, two max. What do you want to do? Do want to go home, come back later or stay here?"

"Nah, I am so tired I am just going to nap in your office while you work. By the time you will be done it will be almost time to go anyways."

"Sounds good to me." He said while opening his office door.

Derek had a especially comfortable couch in his office for when he saw colleagues or when he had night shifts, the perks of being a department head. She had spent quite some time there. It came in very handy for the times when she had finished her shift and he just started or had to finish up some stuff.

Meredith laid down and closed her eyes, relaxing her body for the first time in months. Before she could think about anything she was out like a light, exhaustion taking over her body. She was gently awoken by Derek, hours after she had fallen asleep.

"What time is it?" Meredith asked in a sleepy voice.

"It is just time to get your results, Webber is about to hand them out in the locker room." Derek told her.

"WHAT?! Why didn't you wake me earlier?" Meredith exclaimed panicked, jumping up stumbling slightly almost running into his desk.

Derek steadied her "Easy there, Mer."

"Meet me outside in fifteen minutes?" She asked already out of the door.

"Okay, I am sure you did great." Derek yelled after her, chuckling.

* * *

When Derek met her outside the hospital, she had a giant smile plastered on her face laughing with Cristina, Alex and George.

"Did you pass?"

"You bet I did. You are now talking to a resident." She exclaimed proudly, "We just need to wait for the detailed results, to see if I can start to focus on Neuro."

"Of course, you will." Derek whispered before kissing her.

They spent their evening celebrating, reminiscing about the last year. As the night continued, Derek was watching Meredith happily engaged in different conversations. She still seemed exhausted but extremely happy. He hadn't seen her like this in ages. He registered that she wasn't drinking her usual excessive amount of alcohol.

"Do you want another drink?" Derek asked, leaning over her shoulder, breathing in her amazing sent.

"No, I am good. I already have a killer headache. I don't want to make it any worse." Meredith replied resting her head on his chest, stretching her stiff neck muscles. "I wouldn't mind if we headed home."

Their goodbyes to everyone took longer than expected, because Meredith and Cristina had a hard time parting their ways for the first time in a year.

* * *

They stood embraced on the deck of the ferry boat as they made their way to Derek's trailer where they would be spending the first few days of their vacation, waiting for her roommates to embark on their various trips.

"Isn't it pretty?" Meredith asked smiling "I really love it here. I am really glad that I went to the interview last year, moving here really was the best decision."

"It sure is." Derek replied thoughtfully, "And I am really glad that I took the job, when Richard offered it to me. I love you Dr. Grey" kissing her neck.

Meredith turned around to look at him, "I love you too, Dr. Shepherd. Now please take me home." Kissing him passionately.

"I wasn't planning on doing anything else."

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12/31/18 Any input? Please let me know. Liked it? Follow for more.


	3. Chapter 3 - Revelation

Still not mine.

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 **Chapter 3 - Revelation**

The next morning Meredith was awoken by the early rays of sunlight peeking through the dirty windows of the trailer. She was wrapped up in Derek's arms who was still sleeping peacefully. She was still running on her internal intern clock, silently cursing her body that was denying her the much needed rest. She laid there naked in bed with her very serious boyfriend, listing to the birds happily singing outside. And there it was, the headache was back, in the back of her head radiating through her entire skull. Remembering last night, she knew that she purposely limited her drinking, which was very unusual for Meredith. She had drunken two shots and half a glass of wine, but she still had a killer headache. Ever since she hit her head on the floor after the bomb exploded, her headaches were a constant companion. She hated it.

Groaning she wrapped herself in the sheet getting out of bed for the quest for some ibuprofen. The days were she could go without, were few these days. She finally found the pill container in the tiny trailer bathroom, she took two for some much needed relief. On her way back she walked by the kitchen watch, the green neon digits displaying that it was only 5am. Hopefully she could catch some more sleep.

The next time she woke, Derek was watching her. "Good Morning." He said kissing her sweetly on the lips.

"Morning." She said hoarsely, clearing her throat. "What time is it?"

"Just after 6:30."

"At least I got one and half more hours in." Meredith muttered as she stretched.

"You were awake already, why?"

"Intern clock." She said and he gave her a knowing look.

"Oh I remember that, but not anymore. Come here." He said pulling her closer. As he did she slightly moaned in pain moving her stiff neck. "Are you okay?" Derek asked concerned.

"I am fine, just a slight headache." The understatement of the year. "Probably just a hangover from yesterday night." She lied, annoyed that the ibuprofen was already losing its effect. He peeked up as she said that, holding his body up with one arm looking her in the eyes.

"You, Meredith, do NOT have a hangover. You were barley drinking last night. You didn't even have a hangover after the night we met and you basically drank me under the table that night." He said pointedly, continuing "You have a headache. Again. A lot of them recently. And you try to hide them. You pretend to be fine all the time. Playing the role of 'fine Meredith', rather well I must admit. Not to mention you are a lot more clumsy than usual. You keep running into doorframes and desks. So what is going on, Mer? Is this why you've been up earlier?" He asked softly, tugging a stray hair behind her ear.

Meredith tried to advert his gaze as tears sprung in her eyes, she would have never expected him to realize that she was in constant pain due to her headaches. He really cared. She wanted to tell him but she was afraid that something was not right. She was exhausted and her body ached.

Derek locked eyes with her, seeing her inner conflict betrayed in them.

"Hey, it's okay." He whispered, embracing her. "It's going to be just fine. Just tell me, so I can help you, please."

"I don't know what's going on." She whispered "It's probably only the stress. Ever since January I had more of these headaches. I had them all throughout college and med school, but not that often. And the pain is radiating into my back, which is so uncomfortable." She continued, tears still escaping her eyes. "No, I woke up because of my intern clock first and second came the headache."

Derek listened to her, still holding on to her. Breathing in her unique scent, that he became to love.

"You had headaches ever since January and you didn't say anything?" Derek asked surprised by what she just revealed. He knew that she was a Pro in avoiding and telling people she was fine emotionally, but he never expected her to mask actual physical pain as well.

"Mhm, they are always the same, now they are just almost constant. But it's just the stress, I don't think you need to worry" She added, relieved that she finally had said something, but persuading him at the same time.

Derek raised an eyebrow looking at her skeptically shaking his head slightly. "Keep telling yourself. Can I get you anything?"

"No, I can't. I already took two ibuprofen about two hours ago." She told him quietly turning her head in his chest to escape his persisting look.

"You already took two and you are still in pain?! Meredith, this is not just stress. Do you have any other symptoms I should know about?" Derek asked calmly, preying her for more information.

She had witnessed it many times before. Derek would get all calm and reassuring with his patients, trying to get the entire picture of the condition. She knew what he was doing, and she loved and hated it at the same time.

"Derek, I am not your patient. I am your girlfriend and I am fine." She said placing a kiss on his lips. "But you can do other things to me, if you like." She smirked trailing her fingers down his side.

Over the last year, Derek had been there in so many traumatic situations, that he knew her tactics. If she felt backed into a corner she would either, run away and flee, or would try to distract him, mostly with sex. But not today, he had to get to the bottom of this, the revelation about her almost constant headaches for six month really concerned him.

"Meredith, I know what you are trying do and don't get me wrong I am all for it. I say more of it. But right now I would really appreciate if you would tell me if you have any other symptoms."

Meredith knew that fighting him would lead to nothing, literally nothing. She rolled into his chest, whispering in his body. "Headaches, my neck is sore, stiff and hurts, dizziness, my vision is more blurry the longer I am awake and as you so kindly pointed out I keep running into things."

Derek made a mental list of her symptoms, not able to narrow anything down yet.

"Any numbness or tingling?" He wanted to know.

"No." Meredith answered too fast, which earned her another pointed look. "Sometimes my feet tingle when I am standing on them for too long."

They laid in absolute silence for a while, both in their heads processing the information Meredith just shared. She always had feared that there could be something wrong with her, but she never connected the dots of her symptoms together. Listing them, there could be a number of minor to serious conditions applying to her symptoms. Derek was doing the same, right now his doctor brain and boyfriend brain were conflicted. He stroked her arm in lazy patterns.

Derek broke the silence after ten minutes of just being in his head. "Mer, I think you should get a MRI."

"Derek." Meredith starting to protest, but stopping, keeping quiet for a while before she timidly asked, "you really think so, do you?"

"Yeah. Just to be on the safe side. It could be nothing or it could be something. We don't know. If it's nothing neurological than we will look into different things. And if it's something neurological we will go from there. I don't like seeing you in pain, and if the first step to figure out your headaches is an MRI, then I think we should go there." Derek explained softly.

"I understand what you're saying. And I know that I really should, but I really don't want to." Meredith whined. She stayed silent for a while, thinking before she continued. "If I decide to get a scan – and that is a really big if – then you can't be all doctor about it. Because I really need you to be my boyfriend." She admitted.

"Okay, I can live with that, as long as you decide get one, please. Let's do it this way. We will book you in for the next available MRI appointment in Seattle. We try to avoid Seattle Grace, but if they have the next availability, I personally would like if you took it. I can get you in as a patient of mine, just so we get the appointment. We can book it under a different name and pay for it out of pocket, if you want. When we get the scans back we will look at them together and depending on what we see, we decide what we do next. And I will not be your doctor, just your very supportive boyfriend, who happens to be a neurosurgeon. How does that sound?"

"If it is really so important to you, I'll do it." She sighed. Apparently she just so willingly gave in to an MRI. "And now I really want to take advantage of your other abilities, Dr. Shepherd." She said while seductively inching her hand closer to the waist band of his boxers.

"Dr. Grey, I think I can do just that." He replied grinning placing sweet kisses all over her body.

They spent the rest of the morning wrapped up in their sheets, exploring each other's bodies. Enjoying the time where neither could be interrupted by an annoying page or by an annoying roommate.

* * *

This was Chapter 3. I hope you enjoyed it.


	4. Chapter 4 - Impossible

Happy Sunday everyone! Enjoy!

* * *

 **Chapter 4 – Impossible**

After their morning activities Derek made them breakfast while Meredith hopped in the shower. As she dried her body she looked at herself in the tiny bathroom mirror. What if something really was wrong. She always convinced herself that she was fine and that her headaches only came with the stress of her job. Yes she hated that she was constantly hurting, but she came to live with it. But after she talked to Derek and told him her other symptoms she came to realize that this wasn't just a regular headache. If she would be her patient she would order an MRI as well, this was why she consequently agreed to it. She didn't like it but she had to get it done.

All dressed and ready for the day Meredith made her way to the kitchen, living room, laundry space of the trailer.

"Mhm, that smells delicious, what's on the menu today?" She asked just noticing that he was on the phone "Oh sorry."

"Don't worry about it, I've been on hold for five minutes, waiting to be connected to radiology at Seattle Pres. Apparently picking up the phone is too much to ask. I made French toast and there is fruit in the fridge." Derek answered, hooking the phone between his shoulder and ear, placing the French toast on the small table "I tried Seattle Grace already. I talked to Dr. Johnson - off the record. He said they are all booked except for emergencies. Which it obviously isn't, if we get nowhere he would squeeze you in, he still owes me a favor. But then we have the entire hospital knowing. I don't think you would like that." She smiled nodding at that. "The MRI at Mercy West is down. So no luck there. After this I will try all the private radiology practices around town."

Meredith sat down at the table and started devouring the food. She was surprised that he was so serious about her headaches. She wondered how long he waited until he said something about it. It was their first day off in forever not even 12 o'clock and he was frantically trying to book an MRI appointment. And she took it, happily accepting that he was taking point on this. But she couldn't deny that it also slightly worried her that the situation seemed so urgent. She could hear him on the phone just outside the trailer, sounding frustrated.

Derek came back in ten minutes later. "Have I ever told you how much I hate hospital policies?" He sat down next to her, stealing a piece of toast.

"What did they say?" She asked wrapping her arms around him.

"I can't book something because I work at a different Seattle hospital. And I tried to tell them that I still had my private practice license, but they wouldn't take it, bla bla bla. You know basically a lot of bullshit." He sighed leaning against her hug.

"We should divide and conquer. You know how many practices have an MRI in Seattle alone? I call half and you call the other half. And if they ask I'm just the receptionist on staff calling for a patient." Meredith said.

* * *

They spent the entire afternoon calling different practices about an appointment within the next week. It was Friday and Derek had hoped to get an appointment by at least Wednesday so if there was something concerning on her scans – which he had the feeling there would be something - they would be able to use their free time to figure out what to do about it. Most places were booked up weeks in advance.

Meredith was growing more and more frustrated. "I should have gone into radiology, they seem to be really busy, just for having the machines."

"Yeah because Meredith Grey the surgical resident, that can't decide between two very demanding surgical fields, who is just going to do both would be so extremely happy with reading and analyzing pictures all day." He replied sarcastically.

"I know, I know." She rolled her eyes. "I am done with my list. The earliest appointment I could get was the Monday after next." They were sitting on the deck in front of his trailer. Meredith was exhausted, she didn't expect to spent her very first vacation day like this. She laid down, placing her head in his lap, closing her eyes. "I am going to take a nap. Wake me if you got somewhere."

"I have one more. And then we will see." He said dialing the number of an practice in down town Seattle.

This one turned out to be another major fail. Meredith had fallen asleep in his lap and he was mindlessly playing with her hair. Thinking of what else he could do.

* * *

The last four month he was silently observing Meredith's behavior. He knew she was in pain. She had been masking it pretty well, but he saw her in the mornings before her shift, how she took an ibuprofen before she left the house. And he was with her during the long surgeries in his OR, when she kept moving her head from side to side stretching her neck muscles or when she was shaking her legs and moving her hands as if they were tired. He didn't even know if she was aware of what she was doing. At first he thought it would be the stress. Surgical interns had to be drained. If not someone wasn't doing their job right. Adding to it everything that happened over the last couple of months, it made sense that she would be exhausted and had an occasional headache. But he had this feeling that there was more to it than just the stress.

Then this morning she was too exhausted to convince him that she was hungover, he just had to dig for more information. And what he learned concerned him. He knew what happened in January, he could recall that day like it was yesterday. The sound of the explosion was still imbedded in memory and the feeling of worrisome for the rest of Tucker's surgery, in which he didn't know what happened to her. He was so relieved that she had been somewhat okay and so felt so miserable about her emotional state that he didn't push her for any more tests. He had been content with taking her home and holding her.

But he couldn't understand how she could live in pain for months not telling anyone. He really understood why she wouldn't just walk into her workplace, getting a scan. Seattle Grace hospital had a massive gossip problem. If he was ever in the position to have imaging done or be potentially diagnosed with something more serious, he wouldn't want to be a patient as a staff member. Apparently the nurses never heard about HIPPA, when it came to one of their own. When Meredith had her appendectomy he had heard about it from a group of nurses chatting about if George would kill Dr. Grey. Every time when something slightly interesting happened to a staff member, the entire hospital knew about it in record time. He understood that there were some neurological conditions that could apply to Meredith's symptoms or it could be absolutely nothing. And because of those reasons he didn't want to expose her to the talking once again. She was still peacefully napping in his lap.

* * *

Derek let his thoughts run free when he had an idea, back in med school he had a good friend, Ben Schmitt, who later went into radiology. They kept in touch over the years. In the beginning whenever either of them had questions about scans they would call each other up. Nowadays they would write the mandatory Christmas card and occasionally exchange emails throughout the year when their schedules allowed it.

Last Derek heard, Ben moved west, mainly going into teaching. That was years ago. He never paid much attention to where he moved, not understanding how anyone could leave the big apple, he would never leave New York. That mindset had been years ago as well. And now he was in desperate need of an MRI machine and radiologist on the west coast. When he recalled correctly, Ben had told him that he would be teaching radiology at the University of Washington, which was in Seattle. He never thought about the university hospital, because there were mainly focused on medicine and diagnostics, while Seattle Grace was mainly focused on teaching surgical procedures. Seattle Grace got resources from UW and in return they would host med students at their hospital for their clinical rotations.

He went online in search for Ben, soon realizing that he had been indeed correct about Seattle. He was teaching at school and also was the head of the department of diagnostic radiology.

He always liked Ben, he was much more down to earth than Mark. Addison generally never liked anyone that had a different lifestyle than her. Now they were living in the same city once again, interesting how life worked.

He dialed the number still playing with Meredith's hair, while he was waiting for someone to pick up the phone. He was about to hang up and call again later, when someone finally picked up.

"Dr. Ben Schmitt Radiology University of Washington medical center." a familiar voice answered the phone.

"Hey Ben, it's Derek Shepherd. How are you doing?"

"Derek Shepherd? The Derek Shepherd, New York Shepherd calling me with a Seattle area code?"

"Yes, New York Shepherd switched coasts a year ago. I know please don't say it."

"Oh I have to say it. Mr. 'I-will-always-stay-in-New-York'. I told you so. I knew that you would leave some day. How come you changed your mind?"

"It's a really long story. Too long to be told over the phone. We should catch up sometime." Derek told Ben.

"We should, it's been way too long. What are you doing in Seattle?" Ben wanted to know.

"I am head of neurosurgery at Seattle Grace. And I have to admit that I love it here, and I enjoy hospital life. I never thought I would say that."

"Oh I heard there was a new head of the department there, but I never expected that it would be the great Shep. So let me guess, you are not just calling out of pleasure?" Ben asked laughing.

"Well, you still know me too well." Derek joked "No, I am not calling just out of pure pleasure and nostalgia. I've been trying to book an MRI for the last," Derek checked his watch. "Wow, six hours now and that task has been proven to be nearly impossible. And I just wanted to know if there would be a possibility to squeeze my patient into your schedule. And the sooner the better." Derek started.

"You don't have an MRI at Seattle Grace?" Ben laughed.

"Well we do, but here is the thing. The patient is not really my patient, that was her condition. And she really doesn't want to go to Seattle Grace, if she doesn't have to. So this would be our last hope before I have to drag her in on our vacation."

"Aha, who is this she? I don't think it's Addison, from the way you talk about this mysterious woman" Ben wondered out loud, teasing Derek.

"No, it's not Addison, we are divorced for over a year now. We work together, she is a surgical resident, we practically live together and it is really serious. Don't worry you will get more than just the short version. Meredith is the most stubborn person I have ever met and getting her to agree to do an MRI is a miracle in itself. The sooner I get her an appointment the less time she has to convince herself and me that she is fine. Trust me it's a thing. We have two weeks off and I would like to use that time. Adding to that Seattle Grace is the biggest gossip mill in Seattle and apparently no one ever heard of HIPPA." Derek sighed.

He had been really surprised by Meredith agreeing to a scan this morning. He tried to convince her to get checked out after she was knocked out cold after the bomb, but she refused when her neurological exam came back clean, arguing that she would be wasting medical resources. Derek knew that he had to act fast, before she found better pain meds and refusing to do the scan all over again.

"Well" Ben said, "we are pretty booked, but I could squeeze you in tomorrow morning, before the first appointment. You would have to deal with the paperwork and the logistics."

"That sounds great. Thank you! Don't worry, officially I can order an MRI since my private practice license is still active. I will send the order in immediately. I owe you big time." Derek exclaimed, a heavy load being lifted of him.

"No problem, I already know how I can use you. Just send the official order to the office, I'll tell them something is coming in. I will see you tomorrow at quarter to six? Can't wait to meet this mystery woman of yours."

"I will see you. And thank you again." Derek said before he heard the dial tone.

Finally after hours and hours of unsuccessful calls, they finally had an appointment, what could be the first step on a long road to figure out what is wrong. Meredith was still snoozing away in his lap, enjoying the sun on her face. He closed his eyes leaning against his trailer.

* * *

A loud sneeze and a painful wince brought him out off his slumber. He opened his eyes seeing that the scenery had changed. The sun was low in the sky, coloring the sky in pinks and reds. The wind had picked up slightly cooling the summer air. Meredith sat up in front of him still moaning after her sneeze.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty." Derek said putting a comforting hand on her back. "How bad is it?"

"Hey!" She said her face lighting up a little when she saw he was awake. "I am fine, I just really hate sneezing." Trying to ease the concerned look on his face. "Did you get somewhere?"

"Yes I got somewhere. Tomorrow morning at 5:45am at UW."

"How did you made THAT happen? They are impossible to reach and get an appointment." She asked curiously.

"I went to med school with the head of the department. It was a favor, he squeezed you in front of their first patient. That's why it's so bright and early." Derek explained, getting up to grab his laptop so he could send in the official order for tomorrow.

"Mr. Neuro-God knows very important people. Who would have guessed? Comes in handy all those fancy doctors." She said sarcastically. "Do you really think it is absolutely necessary?" She asked.

"Yes! You took three 600mg ibuprofen today, have been asleep for hours and you can't even sneeze without being in pain. This is 100% necessary. And don't start with the fancy doctors, I don't want to know how many people would drop everything for Ellis Grey's daughter." He said pointedly. "I think we should sleep at the house tonight, so we don't have to get up at an entirely ungodly hour."

"Okay, everyone should be out by now anyways. And we can order pizza and watch old surgeries together." She joked.

"Or we could do other things." He smirked, pulling her body close to his, "all alone, no roommates, you can be as loud as you want." He started kissing her.

„I like the way you think." Meredith smiled, her body already responding to his kisses. "But I would really like that pizza."

* * *

1/6/19 Any input? Please let me know. Liked it? Follow for more.


	5. Chapter 5 - The Box

I own nothing. Maybe Ben but that's about it. Enjoy!

* * *

 **Chapter 5 – The Box**

The night had been short but very pleasurable. Leaving the trailer took longer than expected, gathering all their belongings that had accumulated over just one day. Once they reached the house, Meredith made sure everyone was really out, before she and Derek once again spent a magical night together, loving each other to the point of no return. He had heard sounds that night that he never seemed possible coming from her small frame, and he loved it.

* * *

Meredith's sleep that night was restless, at four in the morning she finally gave in and let the restlessness win. She was snuggled into his body, thinking about what would be happening today. This scan could determine her future. She was really scared, she knew she wasn't feeling well but admitting it and actually doing something about it was almost scaring her to death. If it wasn't for Derek she would have bailed. Derek had that calming effect on her. She was still feeling very much scared but she had no urge to run. He made her feel safe. All wrapped up in her thoughts she didn't realize that Derek was awake as well. He started softly trailing his fingers along her back.

"Good Morning," he whispered, trying not to startle her, "penny for your thoughts?"

"Morning" Meredith mumbled, there was a loaded pause, before she continued. "I am really scared Derek. I am a doctor, I order those kind of tests daily for my patients. And I am not scared of the MRI. Am I looking forward to being in the tube banging loud noises into my ears while I have to lay completely still? No I am not, but I am not scared about that." She took a deep breath. "What scares the shit out of me, is the after, the unknown. It's like Schrödinger's cat, until you open that box you have no idea what happened to the cat. It could be dead or alive, you don't know until you open the box. And Derek I really don't want to open the box."

"I don't want to open the box either, trust me. But I have the feeling that it is time to open the box. We will deal with whatever we find. We are going to figure it out. You have your very own handsome, smart and good looking McDreamy by your side." He grinned trying to lighten the mood. Meredith rolled her eyes and hit his chest, before her worried expression returned.

"Hey I love you. And we will figure it out." Derek told her kissing the top of her head. The Meredith he met almost a year ago, would have never opened up the way she just did. He was extremely thankful about the fact that she was letting him in and not conquering everything by herself.

"I love you, too." She whispered.

* * *

By five twenty they were ready to leave. Meredith had had a cold piece of pizza for breakfast, which made Derek roll his eyes and fired up their old discussion about healthy eating habits. So by the time they drove out of the driveway, she was still mocking him about his health trips. This debate had been going on for months. Either knew that they couldn't change the ways of the other, but some healthy mocking couldn't hurt. It was 5:35am when he parked the car in front of UW hospital and she was still going on about his eating habits. He would always take the sarcastic mocking Meredith over the worried Meredith, so he endured her rant without a word.

When they entered the lobby she suddenly became very quiet, taking his hand. He squeezed her hand back looking in her eyes. "It's going to be okay, I will only look at the scans with you and won't be all Dr. Shepherd."

"Thank you." She whispered as they walked hand in hand to the reception desk.

"Good Morning. We have an MRI appointment at 5:45 for Meredith Grey." Derek told the lady across the desk.

"Radiology is on the second floor. Just follow the signs and the ladies at the front desk know what to do from there."

"Thank you."

They made their way to the elevator to go up to the second floor.

"It smells different. Seattle Grace smells different." Meredith observed, "isn't it funny how we spent our days in a hospital and are really comfortable in our environment, but as soon as we enter a different hospital everything is different. We don't know our way around, the smells and sounds are different. They even wear different coloured scrubs. All of the sudden this hospital is just a hospital to us as to every other patient."

"I know, it's kind of weird." he smiled at her, "You would expect it to be similar but it is totally different. But I have to say, Seattle Grace is particularly homey." Derek leaned in to kiss Meredith, hugging her to his chest, feeling her heartbeat.

"Apparently elevators have an universal effect on us. Good to know." She smirked just as the doors opened. "Come on, let's get that head of mine scanned."

They checked in and got a mountain of paperwork to fill out.

"Do we do this to our patients? This is insane. Look at these questions. It feels like I have to sign my life away just to get a freaking scan. God, I really don't like to be the patient, I would much rather be the doctor." Meredith complained.

"I know you do. They ask you five times, if you are really not pregnant. So Meredith do you have to tell me something?" He joked.

Meredith got a serious look in her eyes, taking both of his hands in hers and locking eyes. "Dr. Shepherd, I am really sorry to inform you that you are NOT going to be a father." She told him seriously making him chuckle at her dramatic antics. "At least not anytime soon, maybe in the far away future." She added silently beaming at him brightly, while he had a stupid grin on his face as well.

"I love you so very much" Derek whispered.

"Well thank you. I am quite fond of you myself."

"Are you done with those?" He asked pointing at the papers in her lap. "I can bring them back."

Meredith nodded and he handed her personal information back to the nurses at the desk.

When he sat back down Meredith wondered. "You know what is really ironic? Here we are two doctors, sitting in a hospital as regular people. We had to fill out all these forms so they could send the information with the scans to the doctor, who ordered the MRI. Which is you sitting here next to me helping filling out the forms, that will be send to yourself. We could have just skipped that part, but we couldn't because we are just to people in a hospital."

"Someone is feeling philosophical today. You really don't like being the patient, do you?"

"No, I really don't. And I am not a patient, at least not yet." Meredith frowned stubbornly.

He was about to reply something else when he was interrupted.

"Derek! Long time no see. God, what happened to you? You are old!" Dr. Benedikt Schmitt, a long thin man, with balding hair and dark rimmed glasses approached them welcoming his old med-school friend.

"Ben!" Derek said getting out of his chair, "It's good to see that nothing has changed. I at least still have hair." The two men greeted each other with a manly hug, not caring what anyone else was thinking.

"It is nice to see that you don't punch every friend in the face when you see them." Meredith said sarcastically, earning her a confused look from Ben.

"Here are the cliff notes: Mark slept with Addison, I caught them, divorced her, moved to Seattle, met Meredith in a bar, later found out I'm her boss, Addison came to Seattle to win me back, Mark decided that he missed me, came to Seattle started hitting on Meredith so I punched him. That should pretty much sum everything up. And I live in a trailer on a piece of land that I bought." Derek explained. "Ben this is Meredith, Meredith this is Dr. Benedikt Schmitt." He introduced them.

"Hello, and please call me Ben. It's really nice to meet you." Ben shook Meredith's hand.

"Good morning Ben. Likewise."

"Should we get started then?" Ben asked.

"Yes please, let's open the box and get it over with." Meredith supposed.

* * *

Ben lead them to the imaging room, talking to Derek about the good old times. Before they could enter the room with the MRI, they had to answer the standardized questionnaire about any potential metal on their bodies. Meredith done this countless of times, when she took patients down for pre-op and post-op scans. So she knew the drill.

"No, no metal, no plates, no implants, nothing." Meredith answered, rolling her eyes making them laugh. "Usually I am the one asking the questions, so I know the drill."

"Okay, Monica will help you settle in." Ben said as Monica the MRI tech walked in.

"Sure. Hello Monica." She said. Meredith laid down on the table, placing her head on the right spot. Looking at Derek she added: "And Derek, you are here as McDreamy not as Dr. Shepherd. You know the deal."

"I know, I know, don't worry." He told her squeezing her hand, leaning in whispering before kissing her hair. "And try not to move, we don't want blurry pictures."

"I can't believe, you actually just said that. Cristina was right after all, McAss." She called after him leaving the room.

Monica handed her the headphones, asked her if she needed a blanket which she gladly took, and moved the table up lining her up with the headgear.

"Can you state your name and form of procedure, please. Just so I can confirm." Monica asked.

"Meredith Grey, head and upper spine MRI." Meredith replied.

"Okay, Meredith I will start the scan, now. I guess you know what to expect. Try to keep as still as possible. This shouldn't take no longer than 20 minutes." Monica told her.

"Okay." Meredith said. She was opening the box. There was no going back now. This was it.

The table was pushed into the MRI machine and the loud familiar banging noise started.

Derek went into the viewing room with Ben catching up on life, while Meredith was having her scan. This was such a familiar scene for Derek, him standing in a viewing room in a hospital, waiting for the scans of someone's brain to come up. But it wasn't, the scans on the screen would be Meredith's, they would hopefully reveal why she was experiencing her symptoms. Depending on what the images would show, this could just be the beginning of an long ordeal. But the hardest part, was to not look at the screen. It had been his idea and he would stick with it.

"So you are McDreamy?" Ben asked laughing.

"You know about McDreamy? How do you know about McDreamy?" Derek exclaimed.

"Some of my students had their rotation at Seattle Grace last semester and they couldn't stop talking about McDreamy and McSteamy. The female population is all of the sudden very interested in surgery."

"I am going to kill Yang and Meredith. Great. Those stupid Mc nicknames. By the way McSteamy is Mark." Derek complained.

"I guess he is loving it?"

"Oh yes. He's living all for it."

"The first scans are coming up, do you want to see?" Ben asked

"I would love to, but I am not allowed to. That was our deal. We will look at them together and then decide what we are going to do." Derek explained.

"She is refreshing. I like that. And I totally get it, if my wife would doctor me around, it would drive me insane. What year is she in?"

"She just finished her intern year. She and Yang are well beyond a first year as long as they stay in their preferred fields." Derek explained.

"Has she declared yet?"

"General and Neuro. She couldn't decide so she is just going to pursue both. Don't ask me why." Derek laughed. Ben was reading the pictures on the screen, trying not to show any reaction on what he was seeing. But Derek could tell that he was seeing something, which he expected.

"That is really ambitious. We are about done, here. I'll just send you the scans with my notes. And you can go over them whenever you decide to." Ben told Derek.

"You saw something, so I was right." Derek noted and Ben just nodded.

* * *

Derek and Meredith went out to breakfast, enjoying the early Saturday morning overlooking Elliot Bay. After her MRI Meredith was complaining about her headache and how a machine for brain scanning could cause even more headaches. They haven't talked about the scans or anything relating to this morning.

Currently they were walking along the waterfront park holding hands, enjoying the sunny June day.

"So how do you want to do this?" Derek asked her carefully.

"We are going to enjoy our Saturday and we are not going to think about the scans and my headaches or anything medical." Meredith replied eyeing Derek who had a sceptic look on his face. "No just hear me out. You don't know what is going on and I don't know what is going on. Let's keep that box closed for one more day. It is Saturday we cannot achieve anything over the weekend, so why should we freak us out now. Please."

Derek knew that she was right. "I think we could do that." He told her, hugging her to placing a kiss on her head.

* * *

 **1/12/19** Mean? When I wrote this chapter I didn't intent it to be so 'cliffhangery'. It just seemed to be a good place to end it. Next chapter we will find out what is going on with Mer. As of now I don't plan to kill anyone, I like my characters alive.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my story, followed or favorited and left a review so far. As always: Any input? Please let me know. Liked it? Follow for more or tell me in the reviews.


	6. Chapter 6 - Diagnosis

I still don't own anything. Please enjoy!

* * *

 **Chapter 6 - Diagnosis**

The weekend turned out to be great. On Saturday after breakfast they explored Seattle, staying away from the tourist attractions, they walked around the city finding small independent shops, small little restaurants, and parks. Before they went to dinner, Meredith and Derek went on a walk exploring the UW campus, which turned out to be really nice. Spending so much time in the hospital together always nerding about medical subjects, Meredith was surprised how easily they could spend a day talking about everything but surgery. Derek told her stories from his teenage years and his school band, while Meredith tried to remember stories about Seattle. They talked about current events and pop culture. Holding up a conversation was easy when there was silence it was comfortable.

They had an early dinner overlooking the bay when about forty little boats came into the nearby club after a day of racing. Meredith watched them feeling nostalgic as she watched the young teenagers interacting with each other.

"You know, that used to be me." Meredith told Derek.

"Mhm?" Derek asked as he followed her gaze out on the water.

"That was me. Weekends out on the water with my friends having the time of our lives. No parents around, not that mine was ever around anyway." Meredith told him and started telling him the story of how she met her friend Jackson at a conference she had to attend with her mom. How they became friends, how he took her to the club, how she started to sail and race because obviously she had grown up in Boston and this what they did. How a bunch of rich ambitious kids would travel around the coast with their coach only slightly older than them, party every night and would do it all over again the next weekend. Meredith told him how college had been finished that era and how she missed the feeling out with the elements. And Derek listened contently, learning yet another factette of the woman he loved. He had never heard her speak about her childhood with this much contentment before, which gave him hope that between all the bad there were some good times.

After dinner, Derek forced Meredith up the space needle, which she found ridiculous. That night they took a ferry boat back to Derek's land. In peace and quiet, they were watching the stars until they fell asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

It was Sunday morning Meredith and Derek were laying on a blanket on a particularly nice piece of Derek's land staring at single white clouds floating in the blue sky.

"You know, this would be the perfect spot for a house." Derek said

"It sure would be, imagine coming home and seeing lit up Seattle. And in the morning you can watch the sun rise over the city. And if you build it correctly you could just stay in bed." Meredith rambled, bringing a huge smile to his face.

"What do you think if we build a house together?" he asked

Meredith sat up "You want to build us a house. Right here? For us?" Meredith questioned.

"Why not? I don't really know what to do with all this land. I don't plan to live in a trailer forever and I highly doubt that you would move in permanently. I know you love that thing but be honest you wouldn't want to live there. I pretty much moved into your house after the others moved in. When we want some privacy we can't just kick George and Alex out of the home. I want a future with you. I want to start a family. I want to come home to our house. We could have that here." Derek told her had sat up as well, looking in her eyes, "Meredith, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you to be my wife. I want to be your husband. I want us to be a family. And I don't really want to wait."

Meredith had tears in her eyes. "I want that as well." Meredith whispered wiping away the tears. "I love you Derek Shepherd." she snuggled into his arm, which he placed around her caressing her side with his fingers.

"I love you, too, Meredith Grey. Don't dare to think that was the real proposal, that would have been a really crapy proposal and you deserve so much m…" Derek started.

„Hey, I liked it. It was very us. And I don't like any fuss. If you want to come up with some elaborate gesture in the future because that makes you happy then go for it. But don't think you have to do anything extravagant for me. I want to be engaged to you and I don't want to wait. We don't have to tell anyone, just for the two of us. And when we feel ready or you found a satisfying way to ask me then we can announce it. What do you think?" Meredith interrupted him with twinkling eyes.

„I love that idea, fiancé." Derek said kissing her passionately, sucking on the sensitive spot on her neck, moving his hands up her shirt.

„Derek!" Meredith laughed happily.

„You know what's the best part about an engagement? Engagement sex." Derek kept kissing her, while she was laughing uncontrollably.

* * *

After hours of lovemaking and enjoying each other's company, Derek and Meredith had just finished an early dinner on the deck. Derek had grilled trout and Meredith had watched being banned from anything that resembled a kitchen after a failed attempt to make pancakes weeks earlier. She knew that their medical free time was coming to a close, just when Derek came back after cleaning the kitchen, observing her. He could tell that she had a massive headache again and that she was really uncomfortable. But she wanted to have a medical free weekend after her MRI, so she was hiding her pain once again.

Derek sat down next to her, opening his hand in front of her, holding out two ibuprofen.

"You are my knight in the shining whatever. Thank you." Meredith said gratefully.

"Have you thought about, how we are going to do this?" Derek asked for the second time in two days.

"I thought we could " Meredith started, "drive to Seattle Grace, go to your office and look at the scans. I figured out, that I need the professional environment, besides you have the software. Sunday night should be pretty quiet, so we shouldn't run into anybody. And if we do you just forgot something in your office. What do you think?" Meredith asked.

Derek was shocked, that she had actually thought about how she wanted to do this. She wasn't avoiding, which really shocked him. "Okay, sounds great. Ready to go?"

* * *

Derek pulled into his parking spot at Seattle Grace shutting down the engine. The drive had been truly silent, Derek was wrapped up in his thoughts and so was Meredith. She starred out of the window, kneading her hands. Ever since she suggested to go to Grace she hadn't said much.

"Are you ready?" Derek asked her touching her arm.

"No, but let's do it anyway." Meredith replied absently. "Let's open the box."

It was Sunday evening just after six p.m. when Meredith and Derek walked the empty halls to his office holding hands.

His office was small, but it housed everything he needed. There was room for a desk and a sofa. A bookshelf with medical literature covered the wall behind his desk. He was one of the lucky ones and got not only a window but a window with a view of the mountains. Two chairs for meetings sat in front of his desk. Derek unlocked the door, walking around his desk to fire up his laptop, which was connected to a bigger monitor. While he was waiting for the system to start, the pictures on his desk caught his eye.

There was the recent Shepherd family Christmas photo, his mom, all his sisters, and their husbands plus all the nieces and nephews were crammed into the photo. He didn't come home for Christmas much to the disappointment of his family. He had gotten countless calls from unhappy family members, telling him that he was ruining Christmas. He just couldn't imagine spending Christmas in New York or celebrating Christmas at all. They had worked on Christmas eve well into the night to have a work-family Christmas dinner at Meredith's later. It was the perfect combination of work and tradition.

Next to it, was a photo of him and Meredith taken by one of their friends at some get-togethers at Meredith's house. They were laughing together, being in their happy bubble, too absorbed in themselves to notice the outside world.

"I always loved that picture." Meredith stated having walked around the desk to stand behind him.

"Yeah me, too." Derek replied smiling, while he opened up the file that UW hospital had sent him. "Are you ready?" He asked.

"Not really, are you?" she shrugged.

"Nope. But let's do it anyway." He pulled her in his lap, so she could sit with him behind the desk.

The scans popped up on the screen showing Meredith's brain. Derek went through layer of layer of the scan, beginning horizontally from the top of her head.

"This is so weird. This is my brain." Meredith giggled nervously. "There is no tumor, so far which is good." Meredith breathed.

"Mhm, that's good." Derek agreed absently, concentrating on the scans before him. He switched the angle to the vertical view. He continued to go through the layers when he saw it. At the same time as he saw what was going on, he heard Meredith exclaim a puzzled "Oh!".

Both of them stared at the image for a while studying it. Now that he knew where to look, Derek moved through the images to see different angles, silently making notes of what he saw.

"Well, that explains a lot." Meredith said after a couple of minutes studying the scan.

"Yeah, it does. So what do you see Dr. Grey?" Derek asked wrapping his arms around her.

"Chiari malformation type 1. It looks different to the ones I've seen before. And look at that vertebra that is all messed up." Meredith winced.

"Chiari malformation type 1. And it does look different." Derek confirmed sighing. "When did the continuous headaches exactly start?" He asked just to double check his suspicions.

Her skull was too small for her brain forcing her cerebellum into her spinal canal, putting pressure not only on her brain but also on her spine.

"In January, after the bomb incident." Meredith stopped herself, remembering how hard she had hit the back of her head that day. She didn't have a lot of experience with Chiari but she knew that they told their patients diagnosed with this condition to avoid hitting their head as best as possible.

"Great, just great. I have a Chiari malformation and I banged my head with full force on the floor. Possibly leading to more symptoms. And messing up my neck in the process." She whispered burring her face in his chest, silent tears escaping her eyes.

"Hey, it's okay. We are going to figure this out." He whispered in her ear, moving his hand in soothing circles on her back holding on to her. "Now that we know what's going on we can come up with a plan. We got this. Don't worry. I love you."

They sat there embraced in each other for twenty minutes, each in their head thinking about what they just learned.

Meredith was the first to break the silence. "What are we going to do?"

"That is a really good question. Can I be Dr. Shepherd for a moment?" He asked softly.

"Go ahead. Why not use him if we have him." She smiled slightly, still snuggled in Derek's chest.

"Okay, you have type 1, but it's a little more of the heavier side. You can see on the scan how far the cerebellum is extended into the spinal canal. There is not enough room in your skull for your brain, so there is a lot of pressure building up, leading to those miserable headaches, neck pain, dizziness and the blurry vision at the end of the day. Additionally to that, the cerebellum is putting extra pressure on your spinal cord which you can feel when your feet go tingly. Being on your feet for long periods of time and not getting enough sleep are also not really helping." Derek explained calmly, while Meredith just listened.

"Since we don't have a before the blast MRI, I can't tell you if the incident actually worsened the condition or not. Your neck bones suggest it and I wouldn't be surprised if it did, considering the severity of the blast and that you were actually unconscious for a good minute. You and I both know that you have been extremely lucky that day, so there is no need to play the what if game here." Derek paused, looking at her. "As you know, most patients don't need any treatment or can handle their symptoms with painkillers. Considering that your malformation is heavier than typical cases, that there are some slight abnormalities on the scan and that there is an actual change to the bone structure and since you are sympathetic I wouldn't be surprised if there would be talk about surgery." Derek said, Meredith just nodded having come to conclusion herself already, even if she hated the idea of it. "And that's where we run into some issues. Since the best neurosurgeon on the west coast, who has the most experience with Chiari malformation cases, is not available..."

"... you are so full of yourself." Meredith interrupted smacking his chest with her palm, "sorry continue."

"What I was saying is, that not a lot of people in Washington or the neighboring states are Chiari specialists and especially not with that severity. I've done my fair share in New York and here, but as we already established I am your fiancé and not your doctor. I would suggest we venture out. Get some different opinions, what they would do and figure out the best option, also considering your career. We could stay in Washington, but I don't want just anybody cutting into your brain if it comes to it." He said kissing her head. "Technically speaking we shouldn't have this conversation, I mean on a medically level. But since we are both doctors with neurological knowledge, that should be hard to follow through."

"I know that this is going to be hard. With 'venture out' you mean heading east?" Meredith asked she knew that while they were building up the cutting edge, innovational neurological infrastructure on the northwestern coast, most specialists still kept eastbound.

"Yeah. I would like to call some colleagues and see if we could get an appointment. I would see where we could get in and then we decide how we proceed. How does that sound?" Derek asked.

"Sounds good to me." Meredith answered.

"Okay, that was enough doctor talk for now. I'm back to just being Derek." he told her watching her curled up on his lap nodding to him. The last hour exhausted her and him.

"Can we go home now?" Meredith asked getting up from his lap.

"Of course we can." Derek replied, shutting his computer down unhooking it from the monitor putting it in his bag.

"Why are you taking that with you?"

"I have the scans on here and I have access to my email."

"That actually makes sense. How do I look?" Meredith questioned, "Can you see it on my face or is my doctor game on point?" she joked, but Derek knew that she was worried in case they ran into someone.

"You look perfect. A little tired but your doctor game is on point." Derek assured her kissing her before opening the office door for her, locking it behind them.

They walked alongside each other to the elevators, hoping not to run into anybody.

* * *

Later that night Meredith and Derek were cuddled up in bed. Both were silent, knowing that the other lay awake next to them. Meredith turned around on her stomach propping up her head on his chest looking at him with big eyes, while he moved his arm around her shoulder.

"How are you holding up, Der?" Meredith asked

"You are asking me how I'm holding up?" Derek was confused.

"Yes, because you are just as much in it as I am. And I literally can't do anything about it, because I am the patient – god I really hate that. You, on the other hand, I don't know, if I were in your position, I would be extremely frustrated." She explained shooting him a knowing look, "So how are you holding up?"

"Do you know that you are amazing?" He said, "I don't know, I would say I feel helpless. I'm used to fixing those things and now I can't. I don't know if it's such a positive thing that we know everything about this. It's quite ironic that you have a neurological condition when your fiancé is a world-class neurosurgeon and you are potentially about to go into neurosurgery." Derek stated. "And I hate that we have to pretend to not be doctors. What about you?"

"I don't know. I don't want to be a patient. I am a doctor and we don't get sick. I am a surgeon. I save lives, I cut into people. I don't want to be the object." Meredith sighed, "Not considering that I hate to be a patient, I am really relieved that it's not a scary inoperable tumor or worse cancer. That is a silver lining. And it explains the headaches that I had in high school, college and med school." Meredith paused. "And I can't really change the fact that it's happening, can I?" She had a frustrated, annoyed and exhausted expression on her face.

"I know you can't." He said softly kissing her. "We should get some sleep. It going to be a long ten days."

"I know. Good night, I love you." Meredith whispered her eyes already half closed.

"I love you too." Derek told the half-asleep Meredith hugging her closer to his body.

* * *

 **1/19/19**

Hello fellow readers! First and foremost, thank you, everyone, who reviewed the last chapter, who followed or favorited. It made me very happy to see that you like my story so far.

I am not a doctor nor in the medical field what so ever, you could say I 'earned' my 'medical degree' on Grey's, Google and YouTube. I try to make it as believable as possible, but sometimes I get a little tired of the research, so I make up stuff. Meredith's condition is real, and it can be surgical.

I wanted to give Meredith and Derek a little more depth in their back story. I just don't believe that she had only a horrible childhood. And don't you think that Meredith and Jackson would have known each other, with both being from Boston, almost the same age and their parents being doctors?

Let me know what you think so far. Did you like it? What do you think is going to happen?

As always: Any input? Please let me know. Liked it? Follow for more or tell me in the reviews.


	7. Chapter 7 - Freak Out

Welcome back! As always, nothing is mine. Enjoy!

Previously on _Next to Me:_

Meredith and Derek talked about houses, kids, and marriage. The couple had a look at Meredith's MRI scans, that Derek had talked her into getting previously. They discovered the root of her headaches - Chiari malformation.

* * *

 **Chapter 7 – Freak Out**

Meredith woke up to an empty cold bed. Yesterday's events were still sitting in her bones. The rational half of her brain knew that there was nothing she could do about it. Running away wouldn't help her, hiding wouldn't help her. She couldn't run away from herself. And if she ever wanted a chance to live without these annoying painful headaches and minimize the other symptoms there was no other option than to seek help. She turned around closing her eyes again. Now that she knew her diagnosis, she had to think back to med school, when she wondered if her common headaches were as normal as they were made out to be.

* * *

 _Attending med school followed a pattern. Of course, there was the usual nonstop studying and the sleepless nights remembering anatomy and definitions. At some point, the more a med student studied about diseases and their symptoms, there came the time when the number of blood test, CT and MRI scans among med students significantly increased. Every faculty member knew it would be happening, the hospital staff knew it would be happening, but no one could stop the flood of panicked med students getting tested for uncommon and highly unlikely diseases. Thousands upon thousands of dollars would be wasted on senseless tests conducted on healthy individuals panicking about rare genetic conditions, cancers and autoimmune diseases. It's a rite of passage, every generation of med students went through it._

 _J_ _ust a couple months before the end to Meredith's second year, right before their Step I exam, the infamous wave had hit her year._

 _As Ellis' daughter Meredith knew what was happening when her fellow students ran to the specialists and flooded the local ER. It was quite entertaining to watch. It started with an itch and a rash on a fellow student's arm, the second diagnosed himself with bone cancer, another had a potential malignant brain tumor. With their growing medical knowledge, the list of potential rare diseases grew. Meredith just watched and enjoyed the show, while everyone else went crazy._

 _She had grown up with one a world renown general surgeon, she had spent more time inside of hospitals than any other place, she could explain complicated surgical procedures in detail before she could ride her bike around the block, nurses were her friends and the monotone beeping of the heart rate monitor was a familiar sound. Even though Meredith was raised among doctor, she never really visited one herself before she went to college. Ellis Grey was not a fan of wasting medical resources and valuable time for something stupid like a common cold, shots or checkups if she could do it herself._

 _Since her late teenage years, Meredith was always prone to getting rather painful headaches, radiating from her neck all through her skull all the way to her upper back. Meredith was sure that those were either related to her extensive partying or the long nights in the library studying for the next day's exams. You don't go to the doctor because you have a hangover or spent the night on a library table. She knew how to treat a simple headache. Exercise and massages to loosen her neck muscles often helped and on really bad days ibuprofen would do its job. Sometimes she wondered if this was normal but she just couldn't give in to the spreading panic._

* * *

Meredith had dozed off again, not ready to face her new reality yet. Half an hour later her body forced her out of bed, to use the stupid bathroom. Her brain was hurting again, a mixture of her condition, overthinking and the lack of a restful night's sleep. She was dizzy, but she considered all of that normal by now. As she walked in the kitchen she saw Derek pacing around the room, talking on the phone. His laptop stood in the middle of a pile of papers that covered the table. She made her way to the coffeemaker filling her cup, sitting down at the island watching Derek.

She was amazed by his engagement to her cause. She was barely able to wrap her mind around what was happening, let alone able to take any action. A week ago, she was studying for her intern exam looking forward to two blissful relaxing weeks with Derek and now she should be thinking about doctors' appointments and her cerebellum.

It overwhelmed her, emotionally she hadn't caught up with the situation quite yet. Her doctor brain had diagnosed herself and knew what had to be the next steps. Her patient brain, on the other hand, was just beginning to process what was happening. She watched Derek as he took point, calling numerous neurosurgeons colleagues on the east coast, calling in favors, while she just sat there.

She didn't even tell Cristina – her person - yet, which was incredibly weird because they shared everything.

Derek often didn't understand the two but had come to terms that he couldn't change anything about them, so he let them be. Meredith had no idea how to tell her person but she could feel a major freak out session approaching. She went over to the laptop looking at her brain scan. She picked up her phone snapping a photo off the laptop screen. Meredith started texting her person.

 _Call me, need to freak out. Mer_

She attached the photo and sent it to Cristina, who was somewhere on the east coast attending a weeklong cardio conference. Initially, Cristina had tried to convince Meredith to tag along after Burke had vanished. It had been long months of sad Cristina eyes, she finally stopped her attempts after Meredith almost drowned and her mother died, much to Meredith's relief. Even though Meredith could appreciate the art of cardiothoracic surgery, she found no appeal in that specialty what so ever.

Not 30 seconds after she had sent the text, her phone started ringing, Meredith smiled she knew she could count on her person.

"Well that was quick, I guess they haven't started yet?" Meredith answered the phone, walking out of the kitchen into the living room.

"No, they haven't but are about to, so make it quick. What is going on? What did he do this time? Why are you sending me a picture a messed up brain, Mer?" Cristina greeted her.

"He didn't do anything. He is being wonderful. This has nothing to do with Derek." Meredith replied getting a little defensive. Since Cristina was currently very single she had a hard time understanding hers and Derek's relationship.

"Okay, okay, so this is not about McDreamy. Wait a second." She heard Cristina take the phone off her ear talking to someone. "Sorry about that. So shoot. Why the brain picture? Did you get yourself a case while I am gone?"

"Cristina, I am the case." Meredith stated, breathing in deeply.

"What?! Meredith you need to explain."

"Chiari Malformation."

"What happened?"

"Derek wasn't buying the stress headache crap …"

"Damn straight, that was a stupid excuse, anyway." Cristina interrupted her.

"Are you going to give your commentary on everything? Because then this will take forever." Meredith sighed.

"No."

"Good. He went all neurosurgeon on me Friday morning, wanting to know if I had other symptoms and then he forced me to do an MRI. We read the scans last night. And I was all okay last night, and now I'm about to freak out." Meredith panicked. "Why is this happening? I don't want to be a patient, I want to be a doctor. God, I knew my mother was right, I am a disappointment. One year into my residency and I am already failing. Because of my stupid big brain in my stupid small skull." Meredith was now in full on freak out mode, "And I am just sitting here trying to wrap my mind around this, while McDreamy is being all dreamy talking to every Chiari neurosurgeon in the country to get an appointment. So much for a vacation. And Cristina I think I am engaged. Like not in the scary, be my wife and birth my children kind of way. But more in the I really want to spend the rest of my life with you, way. And we are not telling anybody yet, so please don't say anything. God, why is this happening, not the engagement thing but the brain thing? God this sucks. Cristina."

"Mer, listen to me. You are not a disappointment. You are a great surgeon and will probably be better than your mom one day. You will make a wonderfully annoying patient and you will drive all doctors mad, and with Derek, by your side, everybody will just do whatever you want. And hey I love your big brain. You are engaged, to McDreamy who is moving heaven and earth for you. Meredith, you will be just fine." Cristina assured her friend.

"Thank you." Meredith whispered, already feeling lighter. They stayed on the phone for a little while longer before Cristina had to hang up because the first talk was starting. Meredith just sat in the living room staring at the bookshelf.

* * *

"Feeling better after that?" Derek asked softly leaning against the doorframe. "I was wondering when you would be starting to freak out."

"Yeah, better but not great. You've been busy." Meredith smiled weakly and got up from the sofa, walking over to him leaning against his chest. "Good Morning."

"Good Morning to you too."

"How long have you been calling around? And how many people have seen my brain so far?" Meredith asked.

"About two hours." Derek replied hugging her. "Just you and me, and apparently Cristina. And Ben."

"Okay."

Derek pulled Meredith to the sofa, sitting down together.

"So I called some people, seeing if there is any possibility to get an appointment in the next ten days. We can be lucky to have some leverage. Otherwise, we wouldn't be able to get anywhere. I talked to some colleagues in New York, who referred me to Hopkins and someone at Mass Gen. Then there is also the 'The Brigham'. I talked to the clinic at Hopkins, they are going to call back. So far we have an appointment two places in New York. Next, I was going to call Boston." Derek told her.

"I have to veto Mass Gen. I don't care about the Brigham, but Mass Gen is a no go." Meredith said which earned her a strange side glance. "Or do you want to have the Ellis conversation? The medical community doesn't know she died, let alone that she had Alzheimer. There was no announcement, no funeral, her urn lives in my closet. What do you expect happens if I walk in there? Just stay away from my mom's old holy halls. I can't deal with mother dearest legacy and all of this."

"Okay. No problem." Meredith snuggled her head in his chest, closing her eyes, while Derek made another call.

* * *

By that evening, they had their plan down. Tomorrow early in the morning they would be flying to D.C. That afternoon Derek had scheduled an appointment at John Hopkins. They had been lucky just as he called, they had a cancellation and after pulling some strings, they - instead of calling someone who had been on the waiting list far longer - gave Meredith the appointment. Derek had played the Dr. Shepherd card and had dropped the Grey name bomb after he discovered that this tactic made the process of getting any appointment far easier.

Meredith hated it, that they had use favors and names, but Derek assured her that it was a necessity if they would like to get further in their available two weeks. When he had called the Brigham in Boston he didn't have any connections to Boston except for Meredith. She had made it more than clear that Boston and the name Grey was off the table. The receptionist ended up offering them an appointment in October.

After the appointment in Baltimore, they would be driving to New York, where they would be staying with his mother. Meredith didn't like the idea of it but she didn't have the heart to tell him. Derek was putting so much effort in getting appointments and the organization, that she could deal with his family. When Derek had called his mom, telling her that they would be visiting - not telling her any details why they would be in New York all of the sudden - Carolyn was delighted. Derek was able to schedule two different appointments in the city spread over multiple days. He had to put an end to his mother's planning telling her that they had already made some plans for themselves.

Carolyn, however, insisted that they would have at least one big family dinner, while they would be in town.

On the bright side, the fear of meeting his big scary family literally took her mind off her mind. By the end of the day, she was more freaking out about the fact that she would meet McBitchy again, than about the fact that she had a brain condition. Which made Derek laugh hysterically when he found out.

The plan was that Meredith and Derek would be spending eight days on the east coast before flying back to Seattle, giving them a day to recuperate before going back to work.

* * *

1/26/19

Happy Saturday everyone! Thank you for the lovely reviews, I love reading what you think. Keep it coming. The flashback was originally planned as part of the introduction chapter but then ended up in the 'maybe use somewhere else' document for this story. I'm hoping to incorporate more backstories when the story allows it.

Do you like the little recap? Sometimes when I read stories while they are being written/updated, I tend to forget what happened in the previous chapter. Should I keep it or toss it?

As always: Any input? Please let me know. Liked it? Follow for more or tell me in the reviews.


	8. Chapter 8 - Run In

Welcome back! Enjoy!

* * *

 **Chapter 8 - Run In**

"Derek, you are not that amazing." Meredith sighed rolling her eyes.

"Oh yes, I am. I am the greatest. I am the best. I am a genius." Derek smirked.

"God, you are so full of yourself. How is it traveling with an ego the size of Texas? How did it even fit inside of the plane? I'm surprised they didn't charge you extra. You are actually unbelievable, talking the flight attendant into a free upgrade, is not an act of genius." Meredith replied not believing that they actually had that conversation for an hour now. Meredith and Derek were sitting in a plane somewhere over America four hours into their flight.

"Oh, trust me it is, we slept, we had food. And we didn't have to pay for it."

"God, you are such an idiot sometimes. Did I really agree to marry you?" Meredith rolled her eyes.

"You love me. Because I am a genius." He laughed kissing her.

"If you believe so." Meredith giggled, "I'm just in it for the surgeries. Just ask anyone at Seattle Grace."

"See, you love me because I am a genius. In the OR and outside…"

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, as you may have noticed, we have started our descent to DCA, we please ask you to fasten your seatbelt, bring your seat in an upright position and put away your tray tables. Our crew will be collecting the headphones shortly." The intercom announcement interrupted Derek.

"Here we go, our fun medical vacation to the east coast. And don't forget I get to meet your family." Meredith exclaimed cynically. Worried lines appeared on her face. Derek took her hand, squeezing it.

"It's going to be just fine. Don't worry about it. And I will protect you from my big scary family." Derek tried to ease her worry, but she still looked unconvinced. He leaned in kissing her forehead and whispered, "Nobody has to know why we are here. It's going to be fine."

* * *

Meredith had to battle Derek so she could drive to Baltimore, arguing that he would have to drive all the way to New York later tonight. She had to keep her mind off the pending appointment, so driving seemed like a great option.

Because of booking their flights last minute, their options had been limited and the only option to get to Baltimore the very next day was via D.C. They had taken the redeye going nonstop into the nation's capital that very morning. Luckily the flight wasn't delayed nor overbooked. Their luck had finally run out at the rental car counter, where they were met with a huge line following a system brake down. The appointment at Hopkins was scheduled at 3 pm, they were cutting it close, so there was no time to stop for food on the way, which drove Meredith crazy.

"If we have time, we will stop by the cafeteria and get you something to eat." Derek assured the hangry Meredith.

"Great, because all we ever eat is hospital food, anyways. Someday we are going to die because all we ate is hospital food. Every health nut's dream." She rolled her eyes, "Here is an idea. Let's rate all the hospitals, based on the cafeteria food. We could write a blog about it, we could call it 'America's finest hospital cafeterias'. Oh and then we can rate other stuff as well."

"What are you talking about?"

"We can rate the colors of scrubs. Did you know that Mercy West's surgeons have to wear orange? That is just cruel." Meredith chatted, just driving into Baltimore. "Where do I need to go?"

"Just stay on here, there should be an exit. That is curl, but red is worse. Imagine running around in red all day. We could also test our theory about the elevator effect." Derek smirked.

"Well, that is going to be interesting."

They pulled in the parking lot, with a half an hour to spare. As soon as they entered the lobby Meredith began to feel very nervous, she never had that before.

Every time she ended up in the hospital that previous year she went to work in the morning just fine and then something happened, putting her in a hospital bed. She never went deliberately to a hospital because she knew something was wrong. The lady at the front desk navigated them to neurology and the cafeteria.

Meredith evaluated the food, while Derek picked up something to drink.

"Well this is disappointing, same collection as at home. Nothing special or we might have missed it. What do you want?" Meredith asked grabbing a turkey sandwich and a chocolate bar. "Do you want a salad or is a sandwich okay with you?"

"Sandwich is fine with me. And grab a banana." He said kissing her cheek.

"This feels way too familiar. Like we would fit in here, let's go and get ready for work. That was very scarily familiar." Meredith giggled.

Derek paid for their culinary experience. They were about to leave when someone called Derek's name.

"Derek! What are you doing here? Mom said you would be in New York, but what are you doing here?" a young brunette in scrubs with bright blue eyes hugged Derek.

"Amy!" Derek looked horrified hugging back his sister. Meredith watched the scene just as horrified as Derek, she hoped that he came up with a good explanation.

"Are you here on a consult, can I scrub in?" Amelia asked excitedly

"No, I don't have a consult. I …" Derek stuttered.

Meredith felt the need to save Derek out of this situation. "Hi Amelia, I'm Meredith. I never saw your brother speechless before now. Thank you for that first." Meredith introduced herself chuckling, glancing at the clock.

"Oh, you are Meredith. Not what I expected. I think I'll like you, Nancy doesn't like you so out pure principal I have to like you." Amelia rambled.

"Well thank you! Derek …" Meredith started, sending him a knowing look, just when Amelia's pager went off.

"Sorry guys, I have to go." she said hurrying away.

Meredith crossed her arms, glaring at Derek. Both of them started walking.

"So, Dr. Shepherd, can you explain to me, how we ran into your freaking sister?" Meredith scowled.

"I forgot that she was doing her neuro fellowship here." Derek mumbled.

"Let me get that straight. You fool forgot that your sister is doing her neuro fellowship here?! For a brain surgeon you are pretty brainless sometimes." Meredith fumed shaking her head, as she walked into the neurology department. "Cristina is going to get a kick out of that. I hope you do know that we need to tell her why we're here, do you? Before she tells anyone in your freaking huge family that she met us here. Good job, Derek." She looked at Derek angrily. She walked to the desk to check in, coming back once again with a mountain of paperwork."Now you're on scut. You get to fill out my paperwork, while I get to eat." Meredith told him sternly still very angry, throwing the paperwork into his lap.

"Wow, Dr. Bailey got some serious competition. You're poor future interns."

"I've learned from the best. She would be proud." Meredith shrugged biting in her sandwich.

Derek filled out her paperwork, handing it back to the nurse. He leaned over the armrest separating the two chairs, whispering in her ear: "I am sorry, I am a little brainless at the moment."

"No problem. It's fine." Meredith replied touching his face. "But you really should figure out what you are going to tell her. Why we are here. And it better be close to the truth, because you know how hospitals work. This could spread…"

"Dr. Grey!" a nurse called them.

"That's us." She got up and continued to talk to Derek. "… like a wildfire. We all know about the practicably of HIPPA. And you are a world class neurosurgeon in a neurology department - where your sister is doing her fellowship - with your fiancé having a neurological condition. Nobody is going to take any interest in that. God, I can't believe I agreed to do this. Stupid." She muttered. "So show her the scans and do the big brotherly thing and threaten her with something if she's going to tell anybody in your family." Meredith told him.

The nurse showed them the room.

"Thank you." Derek told her. "And could you page Dr. Shepherd, please? It's not urgent, just ask her to come, if she is free." The nurse left the exam room, closing the door behind her. "Never thought I would say that. And I know you are right." Derek sighed.

"I know because I am the real genius."

Derek was pacing in the room, while Meredith curled up on the paper covered exam table her eyes closed, trying to tune out the headache, dizziness and her nerves. This was the first time she would talk to a doctor about treatment. After a while, the door opened and Amelia walked in.

"I was paged. What can I do for you? Oh, Derek what are you doing here?" Amelia asked slightly confused.

"Now it's your turn to explain, Dr. Shepherd. Have fun." Meredith said weakly from her position, eyes still closed.

"What is going on here?" Amelia asked her confusion only growing.

"I am supposed to threaten you by doing the brotherly thing. I don't know what that is…" Derek started.

"Oh shut up, you know I don't have any siblings. And you are missing the point, Derek." Meredith interrupted annoyedly.

"I am sorry. Okay, there is a reason why we are in New York this week and here now. But I need you to promise me that nothing what I am going to tell you now, gets out to the wolves or mom or anybody. Are we clear?"

"Yes, of course. What is going on?"

And then he began to tell his youngest sister the story of Meredith's symptoms and how he finally was able to corner her and convince her to have an MRI. "The last year has been rough, a lot happened and add to that the stress of being an intern. We looked at the scans on Sunday." Derek had pulled out his laptop, to show her the scans. She looked at the MRI seeing what Derek was talking about. "Since Meredith is my girlfriend, I can't do anything about this. So, yes we are here for a consult, just a different one." Derek finished.

"He is dragging me across the country." Meredith complained, still trying to fight her headache.

"Well, that sucks. But you already know that it is Chiari, so why are you here."

"He is a neurosurgeon, who happens to be my boyfriend. You are a fellow and his sister. I am a neuro resident – well hopefully. And we all know what it's a Chiari Malformation. We know my symptoms, have read the MRI but that's not really an official diagnosis nor are we able to treat it. Which is driving this one crazy." Meredith explained nudging Derek with her foot.

"I can see that. Stop pacing it's annoying." Amelia told him.

"See, she has the sibling thing down." Meredith said.

"I'm not that bad." Derek voiced but kept pacing.

"Don't you have something he can cut into? A life he can save? And something I can cut into? It's been almost a week. And I think I am going insane." Meredith exhaled feeling her nerves building again.

Amelia laughed, sitting down on the chair.

"Now you sound like Yang." Derek laughed finally settling down next to Meredith.

* * *

The exam room was small, there was a desk with a computer, an exam table, some visitor chairs and cupboards filled with medical supplies. Amelia and Derek fell into a conversation about different family members. The nerves had taken over, Meredith was restless and roaming the cupboards for something to keep her mind busy. Her head was still pounding so much that she felt a little sick but maybe the nerves also contributed. She found what she was looking for, a suture kit for Derek's banana. She settled back down on the gurney with his banana and the kit and started to suture the banana. Feeling very much like Cristina at that moment, when you spend a lot of time with a person like Cristina you tend to pick up some personality traits. On the positive side, the suturing took her mind of the impending appointment.

"You know I wanted to eat that." Derek said watching her. He was amazed at her precision.

"Mhm?" Meredith looked up questioning, when realization hit her, "Oh, come on, you can still eat that, you just need to cut the damn sutures. You should be able to do that."

"What kind of stitch is that? I've never seen that in neuro." Amelia asked.

"Oh no, it's not. I actually got Mark to teach me something. Not that I am interested in plastics, but I can use it for general. I just need something to do." Meredith replied, shifting on the gurney, wrinkling the paper further.

"I thought you are going into neuro. Why work on general?" Amelia wondered.

"Oh, she is doing both." Derek explained.

Just then the door opened and Dr. Welch walked in.

* * *

2/2/19

So much for keeping the family in the dark. Thank you all for reading my story so far and thank you my trusted reviewers. I really appreciate that you take the time to read my story every week and even more when I can read what you think. Have a great weekend, is it February already? Time is flying.

As always: Any input? Please let me know. Liked it? Follow for more or tell me in the reviews.


	9. Chapter 9 - Appointment

Welcome back, everybody! I still don't own anything.

Please enjoy! Without further ado:

* * *

 **Chapter 9 – Appointment**

"Oh, she is doing both," Derek explained.

Just then the door opened and Dr. Welch walked in looking down at the chart in his hands.

Meredith was sitting on the paper covered gurney suturing a banana, Derek seated next to her watching her, the chair was occupied by Amelia laughing at something her brother had said.

"Hello, I am Dr. Welch, sorry for the wait." Dr. Welch introduced himself looking up. "Shepherd, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, I've been paged because you took so long," Amelia replied without a pause.

"Amy!" Derek warned.

"Yes, Derek?" she looked at her brother having a silent conversation. "You are no fun, you used to be fun, you know? John, I am talking to my brother and his girlfriend." Amelia cleared up.

"And why are you talking to them in an exam room? And where is my patient?" Dr. Welch asked confusedly.

"John, the one suturing the banana is Dr. Grey – your patient," Amelia told him. "And this is Dr. John Welch a brainless neurosurgeon."

"Oh great another one. Apparently, there is a correlation between a decreased number of brain cells and number of brain surgeries one performed. I should stick to General and stop it before it's too late for me." Meredith chuckled setting her banana aside, shooting Derek an amused look. Derek was shaking his head, holding back laughter, Amelia laughed out loud and even Dr. Welch chuckled while looking shocked.

"Meredith, I DO like you a lot. Nancy has no idea what she is talking about. Our family needed you. I needed you. I'll leave you to it. I have to go, I have a craniectomy in ten. I'll see you on Friday." Amelia said, getting up to leave the room.

"Can I come, please?" Meredith begged.

"No, you are staying here, Mer," Derek said, putting a hand on her arm. He knew what she was doing. She was running, she was finally acting like Meredith, her freak-out with Cristina was the first indication.

"But there is an open brain, Derek. You know the thing that you do? Today is a beautiful day to save lives."

"The more time you spend away from her, the more you are turning into Cristina." Derek exhaled. "I promise you my first surgery back, you can scrub in if you want. Deal?" Derek whispered, Meredith reluctantly gave into her faith after this successful bribery.

Amelia had left the room. Dr. Welch sat down on the spinny doctor's chair. Dr. John Welch was a middle-aged man with dark hair beginning to grey. His features were soft, his smile genuine and spread to his dark eyes. He had the same calming demeanor as Derek. Derek had stood up when Dr. Welch had entered the room and was now leaning against the wall.

"Let's do this again. Hello Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd, sorry for the wait, I had emergency surgery. But I think you know how that is." He greeted them smiling, shaking their hands. "Very nice to meet you."

"Hello, Dr. Welch. Thank you for seeing us on such short notice." Meredith greeted him.

"Sorry but I have to ask. Is there any relationship to Ellis Grey or is this a mere name coincidence?" Dr. Welch asked.

"No, no I am her daughter." Meredith sighed.

"I did my residency at Mass Gen when she was head of General. Best day of my residency when I declared neuro and never had to look back on General. She was a remarkable surgeon but a hell to work under." Dr. Welch told her.

"Try living with her." Meredith chuckled. The small talk was calming her down. And hearing an honest opinion about her mother was really refreshing.

* * *

After Derek had secured the appointment, he had sent over the scans to the clinic in order to move things along more smoothly. He didn't know how Meredith would react to being a patient. He himself had quite a hard time finding is footing in his role as a supportive family member. He had bent his promise about being her doctor, when Dr. Welch had called him back shortly after receiving the scans, wondering why Derek was referring a patient. They had a brief - but for Derek much needed - professional conversation about the diagnosis, while Meredith had been napping. Both surgeons' opinions matched up, and Derek was certain that Meredith had grasped the severity of the situation as well. Later that night Derek had confessed his talk to Meredith. Not actually having to fully be the patient had eased her nerves a little.

* * *

"Okay, let's get this show on the road. As you probably know, I already saw the scans. Let's start with the symptoms." Dr. Welch started the appointment, bringing Meredith's nerves right back up.

"Headaches, neck pain, dizziness, blurriness but only after a long day, balance problems and numbness, but only in my feet after long hours in the OR." Meredith listed.

"Any problems with fine motor skills, swallowing or double vision?

"No, I was just suturing a banana. I don't think so and no." Meredith answered earning her a chuckle.

"Any form of sleep apnea?" Dr. Welch asked Derek.

"She snores at night. A lot." Derek said, getting glared at by Meredith. Dr. Welch noted something to the other symptoms.

"When did the headaches start? So you remember?"

"I had sporadic headaches throughout college and med school."

"Are your symptoms continuous now?"

"Headaches and neck pain are almost constant. Dizziness comes and goes depending on the day."

"When did the change happened?"

"January," Meredith said

"Did anything trigger the change?" Dr. Welch answered and Meredith paused thinking how to best downplay the story.

"Yes, something happened. She was in the immediate blast radius of exploding ammunition. Getting knocked out and hitting her head on the floor outside the OR." Derek answered for her, knowing that she would just tell him that she had hit her head.

"How did that happen?" Dr. Welch asked genuinely interested.

"This guy came into the ER, with a huge wound in his chest. A paramedic had put her hand in the body, to stop the bleeding. We took the guy to the OR to fix whatever was going on. Before we started we learned that he and a friend had built a replica of a bazooka, while trying to figure out why the cannon wasn't working he got shot. The paramedic was holding live ammunition in place. We had a code black. Later the bomb exploded, outside the body." Meredith shortened the story.

"That's not the entire story. The paramedic freaked out and our little hero here thought it would be a smart idea to put her hand in instead." Derek added.

"Which turned out to be a smart idea, considering the fact that the main oxygen line ran under that OR. And we all could have died. And if I remember correctly you were the one, who refused to evacuate the OR next to us." Meredith snapped back.

"Just because I had Dr. Bailey's husband on the table with an open brain. You don't mess with Bailey. Anyway, after they extracted the ammo successfully, Meredith followed the bomb squad outside, just to get into the immediate blast." Derek finished.

"I've been working in medicine for so many years and nothing like this has ever happened where I worked." Dr. Welch said, surprised and shocked about the story.

"Trust me, that is only half of what happened the last year," Derek told him.

"I assume you didn't have a scan then?" Dr. Welch interpreted correctly.

"No," Meredith said. "I tried," Derek added. By now Dr. Welch was performing an extensive neuro exam on Meredith, while the three of them continued their conversation. The whole thing had a professional but comfortable feel to it.

"How do you manage your pain?" Dr. Welch questioned Meredith

"Ibuprofen, two to four a day, depending on necessity," Meredith replied. "Sleep, whenever I can, helps a little."

"Does ibuprofen work?" Dr. Welch wanted to know, noting everything down in her chart.

"It varies. It takes the edge off but not the pain away."

"Is there any time you are not in pain?"

"When I am in the OR, I don't have any symptoms other than the numbness. The surgery high is the best pain drug." Meredith replied, making the other two laugh.

"You flew here?" Meredith nodded, "Did the headaches get worse with the change in pressure?"

Meredith confirmed again, which lead to another note in her chart.

"How are your headaches now? Did you fly in today?"

"Painful, I would say a seven to an eight. I took ibuprofen on the plane and another one when we came here." Meredith told him avoiding Derek's sad eyes. She was exhausted. Her head and neck were killing her. Her eyes were tired and glassy, but she pushed through because that's what she always did.

"I know you just had an MRI four days ago, but I would like you to have another head and full spinal MRI, cine MRI and a CT." Meredith made a face, she didn't necessarily enjoy being confined in a tube with banging noises. "And I know, this is not exactly what you want to do, I am sorry. But we need a full picture before we can talk about options and plans. There is a lot at stake here. I'll call radiology and let them know you are coming. I will get you something for that headache of yours, I can't watch this." Dr. Welch told her.

"I am fine," Meredith assured him stubbornly.

"Mer." Derek raised his eyebrows at her. "You are not fine."

"Fine, I am not fine. But no narcotics." She told the two men. "God, I hate this."

"Okay then, I will send in someone and we will see each other after your MRI is done." Dr. Welch sent them a smile before exiting the room.

* * *

An intern came in with the much-needed pain relief, which she took reluctantly, much to Derek's annoyance. Meredith got labeled with a hospital bracelet so that she was scannable. She had come to terms with the fact that she would be a patient, but walking around as a barcode really bothered her. As they made their way to radiology she was going on about this stupid bracelet. Derek had to keep his laughter at bay, he never saw someone so enraged about a piece of paper with black bars on it.

They just entered an empty elevator to take them down to the MRI, when Derek pulled her in his arms and wrapped them around her tightly.

"Hey, I love you." He whispered, "you and your random rants. I love you so very much. Do you remember our rating system?" He asked, kissing her lovingly, she soon responded to his soft kiss. Too soon the arriving sound of the elevator took them out of their bubble, opening the doors to the radiology department.

"Elevator privacy is perfect, but the elevator is too fast," Meredith stated annoyed, making Derek laugh.

As promised as soon as Meredith's bracelet was scanned they were taken back. This time she had to change in a hospital gown. Once again she was asked thousands of questions before she was allowed to enter any room. Firs,t she had her CT, which was luckily rather quick. From the CT she was lead in the MRI room. She wondered what kind strings Dr. Welch pulled so she would be prioritized like that, it sure had some perks being known. The radiology tech helped her settle in and connected the cardiac leads for the Cine MRI to her chest. For the second time in a week, Meredith was positioned in the helmet and pushed into the tight banding tube. As she looked up not able to move, she felt her anxiety building. She closed her eyes trying to distract herself which lead to a much-needed nap. The day so far had exhausted her.

This time Derek had to wait outside in the waiting room, which he hated. The entire experience put them way outside their comfort zone, which bothered him to no end. He took the time to find a quiet place to call his mom to let her know, that their flight had been delayed and they would be coming in later than originally expected.

* * *

Derek was sitting in the waiting room, wondering how fast their vacation plans had changed. "Excuse me, Dr. Shepherd?" an older friendly looking nurse approached him, "they are done with the scan. It seems like Dr. Grey has fallen asleep and we couldn't wake her. Do you mind?"

"Of course not." Derek chuckled, most people wouldn't be able to sleep over an MRI machine, but Meredith had a selected hearing when it came to sleeping. The only things able to wake her once she really had fallen asleep were pagers, alarm clocks, codes and luckily Derek. He followed the nurse in the imaging room, where a sleeping Meredith laid lightly snoring on the MRI bed.

"We really tried, but she wouldn't..." The nurse started.

"I know, she is a very heavy sleeper." Derek told her, walking over to Meredith whispering, "Mer, you have to wake up."

Meredith's eyes fluttered open, staring at Derek. "Oh no, I fell asleep." Meredith sleepily stated.

"Yes, you did," Derek told her.

"I am up. I am up. I am awake." Meredith jumped up and off the table heading towards the door, stumbling almost running into the wall.

Derek steadied her, "Easy there, Mer."

"I am okay, I'm fine. Just got up too fast." She said, while Derek still kept her steady.

"Sure. Come on let's get back upstairs. He put his arm around her shoulder to keep her balanced. "Thank you." He told the nurse and tech.

* * *

They were in an office waiting for Dr. Welch to come back with the MRI scans results. Meredith had her head on Derek's shoulder. Derek had found a medical journal, which he was skipping through with Meredith.

"I am so tired. I hate waiting. I need something to do or I am going insane. My brain is not used to not doing something." Meredith complained.

"I know." Derek acknowledged her, kissing her hair. "There is nothing we can do."

"I know." Meredith groaned silently. "Doesn't mean I have to like it."

"That's right. How are you feeling?" Derek asked, Meredith, shrugged and made a face that left no room for false interpretation. He started laughing. "I called my mom and told her our flight got delayed and that we would be there later than expected."

"That's good. You know, I love you." Meredith told him.

After a couple more minutes of waiting, a knock on the door pulled them out of their thoughts and Dr. Welch entered the room.

"Hello again. I had a look at your scans and talked to radiology." He sat down at the desk, pulling up the scans on the monitor. "Certainly this is one of the most interesting Chiari Malformation cases I have seen, considering your age and how long you have been feeling symptoms. On the other hand, it is quite astonishing the things you are still able to do. The CT indicates some trauma, to the bone structure. As for the MRI results and CSF study they do not match up with the physical exams results, which is good. But also are concerning. It means we still have time, before any major irreversible damage. To be totally honest, we don't know if or when this might change." Derek and Meredith just nodded. "The full spinal MRI showed … Why don't you see for yourself?" he turned the monitor with Meredith's second MRI around.

They studied the scans for a view seconds when Meredith and Derek saw the fluid-filled cyst in her spinal cord.

"Syringomyelia" Meredith whispered looking at the scan more closely, "Oh, there is another one, it's tiny, but it's there." She pointed to the upper part of her spine, just where her first MRI had stopped.

Dr. Welch looked at her surprised not expecting her to figure it out so quickly. "What year are you in?"

"Just finished my intern year." She told him, still reading the scan. She was so sucked into the scan, that she didn't see how Dr. Welch shook his head and Derek looked at her proudly.

"I hope you consider going into neuro." He told her.

Meredith had zoned out, going over possible treatment options. She knew that surgery after this combined diagnosis was almost inevitable.

"She is," Derek told his colleague, "Meredith for sure inherited her mom's talent."

"Sorry, what are you talking about?" Meredith had pulled herself out of her daze.

"Nothing important, Mer." Derek put a comforting hand on her back.

Meredith turned away from the monitor looking at the other two occupants in the room, her face showed signs of worry but also determination. "Okay, what do we do now? What is your suggestion doc?"

Dr. Welch sat down and signaled them to do the same. Meredith sat down on the chair across the desk, Derek followed her still keeping the contact to her.

The trio went over every single scan result in detail, discussing blockage, damage, and compressions seen on the material. Dr. Welch was an expert in this field and he took the time to explain everything he saw, that could be from importance. For Meredith, this was as much a consult as a learning opportunity.

"As you probably already suspect, not having the surgery is basically not an option. I am personally truly surprised, with the symptoms you are having and the severity of your case, that it took so long to figure out that something was wrong. To be honest I am astonished that your fine motor skills aren't affected, yet. As I said previously the scans indicate differently. I can't tell you, how long that is going to last. Seeing that you need all your neurological functions, I would like to operate sooner rather than later, so we can preserve your surgical skills and don't lose any nerve function." Dr. Welch explained. "I would do a suboccipital craniectomy, to enlarge the base of your skull, to reduce the pressure on your cerebellum. Then I would also do a laminectomy for sure on C1 and reduce the tonsils to decompress the spinal cord. You have a mild case of scoliosis, so would also suggest an ortho consult, to see if you need a spinal fusion after the laminectomy. I don't think this will be necessary if you are able to put in the work with PT, but we need to see about that." Dr. Welch continued. "As for the syrinxes I personally wouldn't touch them yet, one is moderate sized and the other is barely noticeable. I would hope, that with reducing the pressure we can restore a normal flow of cerebrospinal fluid and they will resolve on their own." Dr. Welch looked at Meredith and Derek who were nodding in agreement. Medically speaking this approach would make the most sense, to benefit Meredith in the long run. "We would have to monitor your condition regularly – what you already know – so we could see if the syringomyelia would resolve itself." There was a short moment of silence in the room, giving them time to process the information, they were all doctors, but they were also a patient and a family member and needed some time to process the given information.

"I just want to remind you, that this surgery is considered brain/spine surgery. People react differently to those procedures and – as you know – we can't predict how fast a patient will recover. But you will be facing a longer period off work." Meredith made a less than happy face. "I am sorry. I know, this takes a lot of planning from your side, you would have to be here at least one and a half weeks and I wouldn't recommend flying before two weeks post-op. I know this is a lot to think about. So take your time, discuss the different variables in this equation, figure out what works best for you. Whatever you decide, I will be able to squeeze you in, so don't worry about that." Dr. Welch smiled at them. "Do you have any questions?"

"No, not right now," Meredith answered and Derek shook his head.

"Okay, now that we have that off the table, I would like to talk to you about your pain management and other lifestyle changes that could be beneficial." He said looking at a very unhappy Meredith. The next twenty minutes they went over options as well as possible side effects, that could compromise her. In the end, they had come up with alternating pain prescription that wouldn't limit her in any way. He also gave her a list of things that she could try to minimize her symptoms.

"If you have any questions just call me. I will hear from you." Dr. Welch got up, and they did the same. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd."

Derek had transferred the scans to his laptop. They had left the office and the hospital rather quickly now sitting in their rental car in the parking lot.

"Well, I didn't expect there to be more than Chiari." Meredith broke the silence. "Rationally I know that getting the surgery is the only option with the best long term results, but I really don't want to have brain surgery, Derek." Meredith had tears in her eyes, that were slowly spilling out of her eyes, running down her cheeks.

Derek hugged her tightly, the best he could over the middle console of their rental car, whispering in her ear over and over again: "I know you don't, I know. But it'll be fine. We figure this out. You'll be fine.", until she had calmed down. He placed a loving kiss on her lips and told her that he loved her very much before he pulled out of the parking lot beginning the four-hour drive to New York.

* * *

2/2/19

Longest chapter so far. I hope you enjoyed it. We got so much more information, about Meredith's condition. Let me know what you think, I love reading your reviews - keep them coming.

As always: Any input? Please let me know. Liked it? Follow for more or tell me in the reviews.


	10. Chapter 10 - New York

Welcome back, people. Hope you Enjoy!

* * *

 **Chapter 10 - New York**

Ever since Carolyn Shepherd had received the call that Derek, her only son, would be coming home for a few days, her excitement levels were over the roof. She had gone overboard buying groceries, had cleaned the house and prepared dinner all before 12 am. She had organized a family weekend and called all his sisters with the exciting news. She would finally be able to meet Derek's new girlfriend, the mysterious woman who had kept him in Seattle.

* * *

Derek was driving the familiar roads of New York City, getting closer and closer to their destination. Next to him, Meredith was soundly asleep. After he had calmed her down in the parking lot she had apologized for her break down, which lead Derek to assure her that she had every right to freak out. They had stopped for dinner somewhere between Baltimore and New York. They had talked about the results and what Dr. Welch had told them. Both decided that they would withhold any decision before attending the other two appointments. An hour outside of New York Meredith had fallen asleep after an exhausting day. He knew she was having bad headaches ever since stepping off the plane, but there was nothing he could do about it. Dr. Welch had prescribed her stronger alternating pain relievers that he strongly encouraged her to use. They would fill the prescription tomorrow but Derek doubted that she would take any. He was thankful that she was getting some much-needed rest before getting sucked into the Shepherd women craziness.

They were two miles away from his mom's home when Derek had to stop at a red light. He gently woke Meredith out of her slumber, letting her know that they almost made it, giving her time to wake up a little before she would meet her fiancé's mother.

Derek pulled into the driveway of a nice looking, big family home in New York's suburbs. It was just after eleven at night on a warm June day, when they left the hospital Meredith got hit with the hot humid weather, bringing her back to her east coast days.

As soon as the tiers of their rental car hit the paved driveway the front door opened and a grey-haired woman with Derek's blue eyes stepped out of the house, a giant friendly smile lighting up her face. Derek shut down the engine taking Meredith's hand squeezing it reassuringly. He knew that she was just as nervous about the family thing as she was about her actual medical condition, which was amusing and sad at the same time. She smiled at him, signaling that she had understood his message.

* * *

Carolyn Shepherd had been looking forward to this moment ever since Derek left for Seattle. As soon as she heard a car on her driveway, she opened the front door to see her son for the first time in a year. Never had she gone so long without seeing one of her kids. When Derek announced that he wouldn't be in New York for Christmas, his sisters have been furious. She had been disappointed herself but understood that he needed the space, after everything that unraveled the previous year. Nevertheless, she missed him greatly and now he was back, even if only for a short week.

Carolyn watched as her son shut down the engine, taking his girlfriend's hand and looking at her, as to tell her that everything would be okay. The smile she sent him back was genuine and trusting, melting her inner mom-heart. She hadn't met the woman that kept Derek in Seattle yet but form their interaction she just witnessed she got a very positive feeling. Maybe Derek had finally found his real match.

Carolyn waited at the door, as Derek and Meredith collected their bags and made their way up to the house.

"Mom!" Derek hugged her tightly, "You look good."

"Derek, it's so good to see you. It's been so long." Carolyn told her son.

"Mom, this is Meredith." Derek put his arm around Meredith's waist inching her a little closer.

"Hello, Mrs. Shepherd. Very nice to meet you." Meredith told his mother, not sure what was expected of her since she had never done the parents thing.

"Hello Meredith, please dear, call me Carolyn. It's really nice to finally meet you." Carolyn hugged Meredith, surprising her. "Come in, come in. You must be tired. Derek, your old room is ready for you two if you want to go to bed and if you are hungry there is food in the fridge, just help yourself."

"Thanks, mom, but we already ate. And I am about ready for bed." Derek yawned. "You didn't have to stay up for us."

"Oh, nonsense. I am glad you are finally home." Carolyn smiled at them. They sat down in the kitchen, for a little bit, catching up and getting to know each other. Carolyn was a loving kind woman, Meredith could only imagine how it would be like to grow up in such a loving environment.

"I will be heading to bed. Derek, you know where everything is?" Carolyn asked after half an hour, getting up. Derek nodded. They bid their goodnights before Carolyn headed up to bed. Leaving Derek and Meredith alone in the kitchen.

"Do you need anything?" Derek inquired. Meredith wrapped her arms around his body laying her head down on his chest. "Just bed." She yawned.

* * *

Meredith woke up the next morning with Derek wrapped around her body. The room was lit by sunlight. The clock on the bedside table showed that it was ten a.m.. Meredith couldn't remember the last time she slept so late. Of course, there was the time difference from west to east, but even at home she barely slept until seven.

"Good morning," Derek whispered in her ear. Meredith turned around so she could look at him.

"Good morning, Der." She smiled, just when her stomach started growling, making them laugh.

"Someone is hungry. Let's change that. Shower first or later?" Derek asked.

"Shower first."

After their much-needed shower, they found themselves alone in the kitchen. Derek was making pancakes, while Meredith sat on the table talking to him.  
"There is really nothing I can do?" Meredith asked

"No, my mom is really fond of her kitchen, and I don't want to be put in the position to tell her that we burned it down." Derek sarcastically said.

"I am not that bad, you let me do things at home."

"Yes, because it's your house and if you burn down your house that is your problem. But if you burn down my mom's house that is my problem." Derek laughed.

"Where is she anyway?" Meredith wanted to know, trying to change the subject.

"She is probably at the community hospital." Meredith had a confused expression on her face. So Derek cleared up. "She used to be a nurse in the Navy, and ever since my sisters' kids are older, and she has fewer grandma duties she volunteers at the hospital from time to time. Otherwise, she would be bored out of her mind."

"I can see that raising five children while being a nurse and then taking care of numerous grandchildren, I would be bored as well if I didn't have anything to do," Meredith said after a while.

They finished breakfast, cleaned the kitchen – this time Meredith was allowed to help since it didn't involve fire.

"Do we have anything planned for today?" she asked Derek as they sat down on the back patio, overlooking the big back yard.

"No, I thought we just spend some time here, have dinner with my mom. Relax a little. See if we are up to doing something." Derek told her. "I thought we could use an off day since the next two days will be spent at appointments again. And after that, we have the whole family spiel."

Meredith moaned at that thought.

Derek showed her the house and back yard telling her stories from his childhood. Around three in the afternoon, they went out to grab some late lunch. On their way back Derek pulled into the parking lot of a pharmacy.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked.

"We are going to fill your prescriptions," Derek told her as he opened the car door.

"No, we are not. I don't need them because I am fine." Meredith protested.

"Mer, please. We both know that you are not fine. How many ibuprofen did you take today? Two?" Meredith's face gave her away. "You don't have to take them, but we should at least have them in case you need them." Derek reasoned with her.

"Fine, buy them. But I am not taking any."

"Why do you have to be so stubborn all the time? You do know, that I am trying to help you and I only can do that when you let me." Derek sighed frustrated, closing the car door a little harder than anticipated.

"Do whatever you have to do." She told him stubbornly staying in the car. She hated that she was in pain and she hated that he knew about it and wasn't taking her bullshit. But for now, she chose to be stubborn about it just to have some control.

When Derek came back her stubbornness had already subsided, feeling childish about her behavior.

"Sorry and thank you." She told him when he opened the door.

"You are very welcome. And no problem." He smiled. "Let's go back."

* * *

Carolyn had come back home from the hospital where she was volunteering, finding Meredith and Derek together in the back yard laughing and talking. Her kitchen windows overlooked the back yard, which was one of her favorite things about the house. When the kids were smaller and she had to prepare dinner, she still could glance a look at her playing youngsters or any mischief they were up to. Now she was using said window to watch Derek and Meredith. It's been years since she had seen Derek this happy. Their conversation flowed easily but keeping each other in check at the same time. Carolyn smiled to herself as she watched the pair. Derek seemed to be home at last and as much as it pained her, she knew that this home wasn't in New York anymore.

Dinner was eaten, the kitchen was cleaned and Meredith, Derek, and Carolyn occupied the living room having long meaningful conversations. Meredith really liked Derek's mom, she was so far from Ellis and what Ellis had been that it was hard to picture what it would have been like to have a mother like her.

"So what are you two going to do tomorrow?" Carolyn asked

"We are going in the city. I am going to show Meredith some of my old stomping grounds." Derek smiled at Meredith, who once again was fighting her headache and dizziness. Derek had noticed that she was moving her head more than usual. Derek moved his hand on her back, slightly massaging her neck muscles, which earned him a grateful look from Meredith.

"Have you ever been to New York?" Carolyn asked Meredith.

"I actually have. I am originally from Seattle but moved to Boston when I was five. So I've been a couple of times. But there is nothing better than seeing a new city with a local." Meredith explained Carolyn.

Carolyn kept going on about the places they should visit tomorrow, which they assured her they would visit if time would let them. Around eleven p.m. the young couple said their good nights, well knowing that they would have to get up bright and early, to make her appointment. They were lying in bed ready to go to sleep.

"I kind of feel bad for lying to her about tomorrow and the day after. You better show me one of those places she mentioned or tell me something about it because if I come home blank she will be very disappointed." Meredith stated in the silence.

"Don't feel bad. We could always tell her, but I don't think you would want that. Don't worry we will figure something out." He said holding on to her. "I love you, Mer. Sleep well."

"I love you, too." Meredith kissed Derek's lips before she closed her eyes.

* * *

The appointment the next day turned out to be a huge fail. They had made their way to Columbia early in the morning to beat the traffic. As soon as they entered the waiting room of the neurological clinic, they were met by a tone of people already waiting. After another mountain of paperwork, three trips to the cafeteria – first to get coffee, then snacks and then the almost famous suture banana to keep Meredith from going insane – and three long hours, they were finally led into a room, where again they waited another 30 minutes. Derek had successfully used his McDreamynis to charm a suture kit out of the nurses. Even Derek, who spent hours in the OR doing delicate work, was getting frustrated almost asking if he could have the other half of the banana. Just then the door opened and a second-year surgical resident entered the room, introducing himself as Dr. Tom and starting his assessment of Meredith as he referred to her. Derek was about to jump in, but Meredith stopped him.

His bedside manner was miserable, he just went over the questions he had to ask, not once acknowledging Derek's presence. When Meredith was about to tell him about the two separate MRIs and other tests, Dr. Tom had already concluded his assessment and was telling Meredith that she was probably experiencing stress-related headaches and had nothing to worry about. This is when Derek lost it. Meredith had only once ever experienced, how it was when Derek lost it with a resident. Then she had been an intern on her very first day, almost losing her patient to a grand male seizure, but this was nothing compared to it.

"No, just no. I am going to tell you what you are going to do now. You are going to find your boss and with boss, I mean boss-boss. You are going to come back with a neurosurgical attending. And then we will have a look at the two MRIs that we brought. Then we are going to see if your diagnosis of 'stress headaches' is still correct. And you better make it fast." Derek told him in a stern voice that almost made Bailey run for her money. Meredith was impressed and felt a little sorry for Dr. Tom. At that moment she decided that she would do everything in her power to never piss Derek off professionally.

Twenty minutes later Dr. Tom came back with a neurological attending but apparently, the surgeon part of his request got lost on the way.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Maria Rodrigues and I am the neurologist you asked for." A small Latina entered the room with Dr. Tom close to her feet. Derek exhaled loudly, Meredith put a calming hand on his thigh.

"Hello, Dr. Rodrigues. I'm Dr. Grey and this is my fiancé Dr. Derek Shepherd." Meredith introduced them before Derek had the chance to explode. Dr. Tom may be the biggest idiot she had ever met, but Dr. Rodrigues didn't deserve any of Derek's anger. As soon as Meredith had mentioned Derek's name, she could see that Dr. Rodrigues knew exactly who Derek was, Dr. Tom was still clueless.

"Dr. Shepherd, very nice to meet you." She told him. "You too, Dr. Grey. What can I do for you today?"

"Dr. Tom already wrote down all my symptoms in the chart, he was about to diagnose me with headaches related to stress. We would like to show you my MRIs and maybe he would like to rethink his diagnosis." Meredith said calmly, certain professionalism in her voice that made sure there was no messing around. Derek recognized that tone from Ellis, she had talked to him the same way when she had been lucid. "And then I think you should page a neurosurgeon because we came here most likely for a surgical consult." She continued.

Derek had pulled up the scans on his laptop and gave the laptop to the doctors in the room. Dr. Rodrigues was about to say what she saw when Derek stopped her.

"What do we have, Dr. Tom?" Derek asked in the same voice he used on rounds, making Meredith grin.

Dr. Tom was intensely studying the scans but didn't have an answer to Derek's question. Meredith could see annoyance on his face that a patient was treating him that way. After fifteen minutes, he had finally figured out that Meredith had Chiari. Just as Dr. Tom had proudly declared his diagnosis, the door opened again and another doctor entered the room. The man was about sixty years old had gray almost white hair and a big mustache.

"I've been paged. I'm Dr. Hubert. I am the head of neurosurgery, what can I do for you?" He looked around the room, taking in the scene. As soon as he spotted Derek he got more confused. "Dr. Shepherd, what are you doing here? I thought you moved to Seattle."

"I did. Right now I am teaching your resident, I hope you don't mind." Derek replied, more and more enjoying what was happening. When he had his private practice he sometimes operated in this hospital, having to coordinate his schedule with Dr. Hubert.

"Now, I am intrigued. Go ahead." Dr. Hubert told Derek.

"Is this your final diagnosis? What would be the treatment options for this particular case?" Derek put Dr. Tom right on the spot. Meredith was enjoying this more than she thought she would, maybe because they weren't really talking about her, yet.

"This is definitely Chiari malformation. I am 95% sure. I would recommend treatment with pain relievers and three-month monitoring to see the process." Dr. Tom finished.

Meredith couldn't hold it back any longer. "God, how did you pass your intern exam, not to mention the neurosurgery part?!" She stood up, walking over to the screen, showing him. "Yes, this is Chiari, congratulations you got one right. But here..." she moved the mouse over the screen up her spinal cord pausing on the larger cyst. " is a pretty noticeable syrinx." She moved it up to just at the beginning of her neck " and here is another one. I'll give that to you, it is barely noticeable but still. Which means syringomyelia. As for treatment, considering that I told you all my symptoms over an hour ago, which included tingling and numbness in my feet, and that I am already ineffectually treating the pain with pain relievers. I also told you that I am a surgical resident and the fact that we paged surgery here, you should at least have mentioned a surgical approach. As for me, you are off my case. You can stay an learn, but don't you dare say anything." Meredith finished her rant, sitting back down, feeling incredibly accomplished.

The rest of the appointment everyone had been really accommodating, trying to make up for their previous mistakes. In the end, the recommendations had been the same, even though they would like to drain the larger cyst, which both Derek and Meredith felt was surgical unnecessary at this time and place. They had spent almost 8 hours at Columbia mostly waiting to be seen, both were exhausted. They had some food and drove back to his mother's house, just to see another car in the driveway. Which made both of them sigh.

Additionally, to her already existing Chiari-headache, Meredith had developed a buzzing hospital headache. All she wanted to do is take one of those prescribed painkillers and sleep. The last thing she wanted to do is deal with any more family members. Derek could feel her distress and emotion when he looked at her, tears were shining in her eyes.

He successfully managed to maneuver her up to their bedroom without running into someone. He got her settled into bed. The moment she took the prescribed medication without any fight, it broke his heart to know in how much pain she must have been.

* * *

2/16/19

We are in the double digits. I had a little too much fun writing the appointment at Columbia, I got a little carried away.

Thank you again, for all of you people reading my story. I am still blown away, that people are actually reading my little work of fiction. So thank you I appreciate every single one of you. I also love to read what you think, so keep the reviews coming. Let me know what you think, and if you have any ideas let me know, I'll try to work them in whenever possible. Follow for more.

Have a great weekend. =)


	11. Chapter 11 - Mount Sinai

Welcome back people of the world! You know the spiel: I own nothing recognizable.

* * *

 **Chapter 11 – Mount Sinai**

Derek stepped outside on the back patio, it was eight at night and a cool breeze had settled in, slightly cooling down the hot summer air. But the air was not clear it was musty and heavy, the breeze was merely moving hot air particles around, rather than doing something effectively. He missed the fresh clear Washington air. It surprised him how fast Seattle had become his new home and how much he didn't miss New York.

His mom and Kathleen, his oldest sister, were sitting at the table talking to each other.

"Derek you are back," Carolyn said as he appeared behind his sister.

Kathleen jumped up to hug her brother. "Derek I missed you so much. I can't believe I haven't seen you in so long. I have to say, you look astonishingly well, little brother." Kathleen finally let go of him, giving him a chance to sit down before the inevitable interrogation started. He had to catch her up on his job, his living arrangements – Nancy had painted a horrible picture of his trailer situation and apparently forgot to mention he owned the four acres of land he was living on. When Kathleen was finally satisfied with his answers the topic went to Meredith.

"Where is Meredith? I really wanted to meet her, before tomorrow."

"She is sleeping upstairs. She had a killer headache and went to bed. I think she is out for good." Derek told them, with a hint of worry present in his voice. Which he couldn't hide from his psychologist sister.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

"Yeah, I am fine. Why wouldn't I be? Just really tired and exhausted. It's been a long couple of month." Derek admitted, starting to get a headache himself.

They spent hours back there talking before Kathleen announced that she had to get home. If you leave teenagers alone at home for too long, it could end in a catastrophe.

Derek helped his mom clean up the kitchen before bed.

"What are your plans for tomorrow?" his mom asked him, as he put the dishes in the dishwasher.

"We are going back in the city, just not that early. We try to make it back before dinner."

"What are you two doing all day, you are all secretive," Carolyn asked playfully.

"I really can't tell you, mom," Derek told her with a smile.

* * *

It was ten thirty a.m. the next day and Meredith and Derek found themselves in yet another waiting room filling out yet another mountain of paperwork. By this point, they had it down to a science. This time they were at Mount Sinai, Derek's old hospital before he opened his private practice. He had done his residency and fellowship here. This was the hospital where he had his first attending position and where he operated after he opened his practice. It should feel like home, but it didn't anymore, the last year had changed so much, Seattle Grace was his home now.

"God, I am so glad when I can go back to being a doctor. This patient game is exhausting." Meredith complained after waiting for 15 minutes in the waiting room.

"I know." Derek started as they got called to move into a room.

They settled into an exam room for the third time within four days. Derek was about to say something when Meredith's cell phone rang.

"Cristina, what's up," Meredith asked her person.

"Mer, they just send out the detailed results. You have to check your emails." A very excited Cristina yelled in the phone.

"I thought we had to wait at least until next Friday to get the results back. Wait a second," Meredith turned to Derek, "I need your laptop. They sent out the results." Derek got out his laptop connecting it to the WIFI, while Meredith kept talking to Cristina, "How is your conference? Where are you anyway?."

"Oh, it's great Meredith. You are missing out. So much talent and innovation. I ran into Burke – that wasn't great, but what can you do. I'm in New York baby. What are you doing?"

Meredith laughed, "Oh no. Did he say anything? I am also in New York." Derek sat down next to her on the gurney handing her his laptop. Meredith switched the phone to speaker, logging into her email program.

"Okay, I put you on speaker, Derek is here as well. Have you seen yours yet?" Meredith questioned as she looked for the email.

"Mer, what do you think? Of course, I did. Just tell me what yours say. Hi McDreamy." Cristina urged.

"Hello, Yang."

"Opening it now. … Okay, with what should I start? … Ah here, okay Seattle Grace ranking number one." Meredith stated, smiling widely. Derek wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"Crap, I thought I beat you. But apparently, both of us got the same test score." Cristina laughed.

"Cristina, we did it. We survived. We not only survived, but we also won." Meredith was still giggling.

The intern exam consisted out of a general surgical part, that every intern had to take. As well as parts for special surgical fields. Every intern had to lock so many hours over the year in every field and take the exam for the four specialties with the most locked hours. Depending on those test results, it would determine if you could declare your specialty after your first year in the program.

"What else does it say? National cardio ranking number one. From now on, I will only do cardio. No more plastics and OB or stupid neuro..." Cristina said with disgust in her voice teasing both Derek and Meredith.

"Hey!" Both of them protested.

"…Only beautifully damaged hearts. What about you, Mer?" Cristina gloated.

Meredith kept scrolling through her email, coming to the section for the national rankings. "Cris, I didn't expect anything else from you. Wait. Hold on." She stopped in her tracks. "No, no, that can't be real. No way." Meredith started giggling hysterically, slightly worrying Derek and Cristina.

"Mer, are you okay?" Cristina asked concernedly. Meredith just kept laughing, wiping away tears. "I think she has gone insane." She told Derek.

"Derek, can you tell me if I am seeing this correctly?" Meredith handed him the computer. He looked at the section, his eyes going wide. "Yep, definitely seeing that correctly. This is great, Mer. No not just great, amazing, incredible just wow." Derek hugged her again.

"What is it? I want to know. I am her person, please tell me." Cristina's voice was heard from the phone, interrupting their celebration.

"Okay, okay. Chill out there. Just needed a second pair of eyes to confirm." Meredith said, still shocked. "Firstly General, ranked number fifth. Which is really good. But here it comes. Guess who took first place in Neuro in the country?" Meredith asked.

"No way, Mer. There is no freaking way." Cristina screamed in the phone.

"Yes, way!" Meredith squealed. Derek shook his head, he would never understand those two. Both started laughing hysterically on the phone, reminding Derek of the times he got kicked out of his own bed.

Just then the door opened and Derek's old mentor Dr. Robert Stark walked in. Meredith and Cristina kept laughing on the phone going on about events that happened the previous year. Neither of them realized that someone had entered the room. Dr. Stark was just about to introduce himself when he took in the scene in front of him. His patient was hysterically laugh-talking to someone on the phone, who sounded just as hysterical as the one in front of him. The woman in front of him had tears running down her face, but was apparently not crying. Next to her sat Derek Shepherd, his former student, shaking his head at the woman with an amused expression. Dr. Stark raised his eyebrows an expression of utter confusion on his face.

"They just need a couple of minutes. Trust me, there is no way either of us can stop that." Derek told him.

"What is this all about?" Dr. Stark asked Derek silently.

"Intern exam results just came in," Derek replied, watching Meredith happily reliving the good parts of last year, that brought so much heartache.

"Ah, my residents have been all over the place today." Dr. Stark stated watching Meredith is her hysterical episode. "Am I correct if I assume that this reaction is positive?"

"You would assume correctly." Derek nodded smiling. "Very positive."

Meredith looked up, seeing the new occupant in the room.

"Cris, I got to go. I have patient duties to fulfill." Meredith told her friend.

"Oh, that's why you are in New York. Derek, you better be all dreamy to Mer. You hear that Shepherd? This is my person." Cristina said worry present in her voice.

"He is, don't worry about it. Go mingle with some cardio gods." Meredith told her.

"Of course. Bye Mer. Bye McDreamy."

"Bye Yang" "Bye Cristina"

"Sorry about that. I am Meredith." She told her doctor shaking his hand.

"Don't worry about it. I am Dr. Stark. I hear congratulations are in order."

Meredith glaring at Derek, who raised his hands defensively. "I didn't say anything."

"Have you declared your specialty yet?" Dr. Stark asked her.

"Apparently I have, as of today. General and Neuro." To which Dr. Stark sent Derek a look, that didn't go unnoticed by Meredith. "He would like to think I picked Neuro because of him. But actually, it would really piss off my mom, if she knew." Meredith added jokingly. Which made Derek laugh out loud, Meredith joined in giggling. Derek had only met her once in a lucid state, but she was right, it would drive her mad. Dr. Stark watched them confused, he didn't make the connection.

"Impressive." Dr. Stark said. "Okay, so Chiari?"

Once again Meredith listed her symptoms, how many painkillers she took and how they found out about it. Once again they looked at her scans that she had done the days before. Once again she had to do another MRI before they could talk about treatment options. She had complained to Derek, who just hugged her and told her he loved her.

Just as they were to talk about which treatment option would be the best fitting for her case, Dr. Stark got paged to the emergency department, for multiple consults following a multiple car pile-up. Both knowing that emergencies had higher priority, had no problem with waiting.

Derek pulled Meredith on his lap, wrapping his arms around her.

"I am very very proud of you." He whispered in her ear. "This is huge, I hope you know that."

"Derek it's just a stupid test. It says nothing. They haven't even seen me in the OR. Don't get me wrong I am really happy about that, but still."

"You Meredith Grey are an incredible surgeon and I have seen you in an OR and I can tell you that those results are definitely representative. Besides you have a very good teacher." Derek smirked.

"Why am I not surprised that you added that?" Meredith asked laughing, laying her head down on his shoulder.

"How is the headache?"

"It's fine." Derek raised his eyebrow. "No, it really is. I took one of those wonderful pills that you got me." Meredith told a skeptic looking Derek.

Derek was about to argue with her when the door opened and a resident entered.

"Dr. Stark got pulled into emergency surgery. I am sorry. Dr. Shepherd I am supposed to ask you if you are available for a craniotomy? All neurosurgeons are in surgery and it seems to be a pretty urgent case. Dr. Stark said you still have privileges here." The resident told them.

Meredith looked at Derek, who had his surgery spark in his eyes. She was disappointed, he would be cutting and she had to watch.

"You can tell Dr. Stark that I am available but only if Dr. Grey can scrub in. And bring me the scans." Derek told the resident, who nodded and left the room to talk to Dr. Stark.

* * *

Half an hour later Derek and Meredith were standing in an unfamiliar scrub room in unfamiliar scrubs overlooking an unfamiliar OR, scrubbing in next to each other in a very familiar manner.

"Have you called your mom?" Derek shook his head no. "How do you plan to explain to her that you got pulled into surgery when we are not supposed to be in a hospital?" Meredith asked as she let the water run over her arms.

"I haven't really figured that part out yet. Let's just hope this is an easy fix Dr. Grey and if not, we can come up with something." Derek told her.

"Whatever you say, Dr. Shepherd." Meredith followed him in the OR.

They got gowned up. Two other residents were observing in the OR. Some scrub nurses welcomed him back, Meredith looked up to see the gallery packed.

"Dr. Shepherd you have a fan club," Meredith whispered, smiling under her mask. He just rolled his eyes. "It's a beautiful day to save lives, let's have some fun," Derek said as he positioned himself, Meredith, right next to him.

Meredith and Derek were in their world as they evacuated the bleed from their patient's brain. Meredith knew what Derek needed before he asked for it. Derek knew what Meredith was capable of, letting her do things some third or fourth-year residents weren't able or allowed to do.

Four hours into a successful surgery they were about to be done. "Dr. Grey, do you want to close?" Derek asked her.

Meredith closed up the patient and handed her over to the ICU team.

"Dr. Shepherd, it is five thirty. We are supposed to be at dinner in half an hour." Meredith said. "What's your plan?"

"That is a really good question, Dr. Grey. I have no idea." Derek said as he scrubbed out.

"Tell her the truth, you visited old colleagues and wanted to show me your old workplace and an emergency came in. She raised five doctors, she should understand that. And we have to figure out how we finish the appointment. You call her and figure the appointment out, I'll do your post-op notes." Meredith told him, about to walk out of the scrub room, when she realized that she didn't know her way around. "Where would I do that?" she asked.

* * *

2/23/19

Thank you for reading chapter 11 of Next to Me. I hope you enjoyed it. As you may have already realized I'll try to upload every Saturday - as long as I have the chapter to my liking and ready to post. I spend a lot of time rewriting parts, adding new stuff, deleting other parts. I'll try t bring as much Cristina in the story as possible, even if they just talk to each other. Next chapter we are going to meet the other sisters.

Thank you to everyone, who takes the time to review each chapter. I love reading your thoughts. If you are new, please consider following or favoriting. See you next week, bye.


	12. Chapter 12 - Family

Happy Saturday and Welcome back!

* * *

 **Chapter 12 – Family**

It was eight thirty when they finally pulled into Derek's childhood home's driveway. She had written the post-op notes, while he was talking to his mom, explaining the situation. They had rescheduled the rest of the appointment for Monday morning. Before they left they had checked on their patient on last time, making sure everything was going according to plan so far. And then they had hit the weekend traffic out of the city.

After what felt like hours in stop and go traffic, they had finally made it. They sat in the car neither of them moving.

"Are you ready?" Derek asked her.

"No," Meredith told him honestly. "Are you?" she asked, knowing that he didn't really look forward to this either.

"Not really. I could really use a shower."

"Me too. And my head is killing me." Meredith admitted.

He looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry," he told her squeezing her hand.

"It's okay, nothing you can do about it." There was a pregnant pause, where neither said anything. "I guess we should go inside."

"We should." he agreed. Both were staring at the house in front of them. "My body won't move."

"Come on, let's get this over with. I am ready to face McBitchy again." Meredith said getting out of the car.

* * *

As soon as they made themselves noticed, Derek got swarmed by his many nieces and nephews. Meredith got introduced to every single one of them and forgot their names as soon as they walked away. They ate a delicious dinner and enjoyed the easy conversation during it. Meredith herself kept pretty quietly, observing the situation and nurturing her persistent headache.

After dinner they had moved the party to the living room, Carolyn's living room was spacious and somewhat something out of a magazine. The younger generation had spread around the house watching movies, playing or doing what they always did at grandma's house. The adults sat on the comfortable fabric sofas and chairs drinking wine. The family dynamic was obvious. Derek's older sisters were very loud and bossy. They clearly were used to being in charge and getting what they wanted. Their husbands seemed to be niche smart men. They were genuinely happy to see Derek, happy to have some more testosterone in the house. Kathleen's husband was a hospitalist, while the other two married attorneys. Meredith was quite overwhelmed, being thrown into the Shepherd family without enough time to prepare, the four-hour surgery she just performed, the general lack of sleep and the Chiari thing. They sat opposite his sisters while Amelia sat on the floor leaning against their sofa her legs extended under the coffee table. Carolyn smiled at the sight of all her kids in the same room. Derek had his arm around Meredith's shoulders her head was resting against his shoulder, as she listened to the conversation. Liz had just finished a story about something funny that had happened to one of the kids. There was a pause and Meredith could feel someone's eyes staring at her.

"Do you know what I heard?" Nancy asked still staring at Meredith and Derek. Meredith would have won a bet with that one. "I heard that Dr. Shepherd was back at Mt. Sinai operating. Quite the spectacle and he brought his very own resident. All the surgical residents were going crazy. What were you doing there in the first place?" Everyone was looking at Derek and Meredith. Amelia sent an understanding glance up to them.

"We were in the area. And then I thought I would visit some old colleagues since I left rather quickly last year. They had multiple traumas coming into the pit and needed more hands, so we jumped in." Derek told them casually. "What were YOU doing there?"

"I work there sometimes like I always did. One of my patients was giving birth. But why on earth couldn't you take one of the residents that work there, instead of taking your own girlfriend?" Nancy persisted.

"Well, why wouldn't I?" Derek asked.

"Because Derek she is using you. For your money and your reputation." Nancy bit back, while the others looked rather embarrassed. Meredith knew that this conversation was going to happen at some point during their stay. She really didn't want to and couldn't deal with the animosity right now, not when someone was using a jackhammer in her head. She preferred to have her full cognitive abilities in those kind of conversations.

"Oh god, Nance I can't believe you are still hung up about the fact that I'm divorced. Addie cheated on me with my best friend. That chapter of my life is over, get over it." Derek sighed frustrated.

"Why can't you see it, are you really this blind? She is getting those amazing opportunities because she is your girlfriend. Now everybody is talking about her at the hospital because she was in an OR with you. She is using you, to get ahead of everybody else. Then she is going to drop you." Nancy half yelled.

"'Course it's so great to have your accomplishments measured based on what your family members and boyfriend have archived," Meredith muttered sarcastically.

"How would you even know?" Nancy bit back.

"Trust me. I know a whole lot about it and if you would you wouldn't be talking." Meredith countered, earning her an approving squeeze of her shoulder by Derek.

"Trust me she does," Derek told his sister. He knew that Meredith had to work so much harder than the other interns. As soon as they heard who her mom was they all assumed she got into the program because of her mother's legacy, not based on her own merit. The same thing happened when it became public knowledge that they were dating. Bailey had given her an extremely hard time. Every time she was picked for a Neuro case she had to prove, it was because of her surgical talent and interest for the field and not because she was sleeping with the attending. That's why she was taking more and more General cases, slowly falling in love with her mom's field. Now that she had gotten her placings after the intern exam, he hoped that people would stop assuming she was using him.

"And why on earth would the hospital be talking? It was just a simple craniotomy, we do them all the time." Meredith said very confusedly.

"Apparently, it was quite the show to watch. I don't know, I haven't seen it. I had to make it to dinner in time." Nancy said, sending another comment in their direction. "Besides Derek you gave up the Brownstone for a trailer in the middle of nowhere?" His sister Liz nodded in agreement and his brothers in law looked really curious about that topic as well.

"God, would you please stop painting this horrible picture of my current living situation. I own four acres of land with one of the best views over Seattle. It is not Brooklyn, so yes it is different. The first few months I lived in a trailer, but I don't anymore. I do enjoy real plumbing and a working heating system." Derek argued, slowly losing his patience. He was exhausted as well, the last few days hadn't exactly been what he had initially expected and additionally, he had been in surgery for about four hours.

"So where do you live then?" his sister Liz asked, she had always been the one who wanted to know all the information about everything but didn't give much into the gossip.

"I live with Meredith …" Derek started but was interrupted by Nancy again.

"See, now you're financing her living situation. Let me guess some small shitty apartment. How can you be so blind?"

Derek had to laugh out loud at that, he looked at Meredith who sat there passively, hoping that this would be over soon, there was no more energy in her body to counter anything.

"No, I am living in Meredith's house. You know a building with a front door and a driveway, multiple bedrooms, a kitchen, and bathrooms. If someone is living off someone here it sure as hell isn't Meredith." Derek let out still laughing.

"But how …" Nancy started again.

"Nancy! I think that is more than enough. Just stop, you are ruining the evening." Carolyn stopped her daughter sternly.

For the next twenty minutes, there was still a certain tension between Derek and Nancy, but the others somehow managed to change the topic to something totally unrelated. At eleven Nancy and Kathleen plus husbands and kids left to go home. They would be back tomorrow. Liz and her family would be spending the night since they lived in Connecticut. Amelia would stay as well. Meredith was very grateful when she was finally able to lay down.

* * *

The weekend turned out to be quite fun but extremely exhausting. As long as she stirred clear from the still glaring muttering Nancy. The younger kids were running around in the back yard with Derek, who seemed to be their favorite toy. The older, cooler kids had separated into groups and did their own activities. The oldest, who was already in college would join the adults from time to time.

His sisters were extremely girly, loud, chatty, bright and shiny. Just the polar opposite of Meredith. She tried her best to seem comfortable with them in the kitchen preparing food but felt totally out of place. She was used to being around a lot of people, working in a hospital you would never be alone. But she had her hours in the OR, their intern hang out and in general, not a lot of people would engage with each other. With his family, she was always involved in whatever was going on, which didn't help her already annoying headaches. All in all, she loved seeing how Derek grew up with a family. It was the entire opposite of how she was raised by Ellis. Her early childhood consisted of hospitals, OR galleries, nannies and functions. Later she would spend as much time away from home as possible whether she traveled with her sailing friends or hang out somewhere other than home. As long as she kept her grades up she pretty much had free range to do whatever she wanted. She had liked it but also depended on other people to take her in so she wouldn't be alone on holidays. She had been the stray that needed saving.

* * *

It was Sunday early afternoon, Meredith had found a quiet place in the house, while the rest was preparing for the goodbye barbecue. She just took another pain reliever, she was sitting with her back to the wall in the dining room, waiting for it to kick in. Meredith had her eyes closed. She hated that she was depended on medication to make her feel better. In the OR last Friday she was pain-free for the first time since her intern exam. She knew that her brain was just pushing the pain aside and that in reality, it was still there, but it was a great reliever. Someone sat down next to her.

"It's quiet in here. I like it. God, I forgot how loud they can be." Amelia said.

"I know, how can one talk so much?" Meredith sighed.

"I don't know. Sometimes I think Derek and I are adopted. But then there are the eyes and the hair." Amelia laughed, Meredith joined chuckling. "So how are you holding up?" Amelia asked Meredith knew exactly what she meant.

"I am fine," Meredith told her.

"Oh, that is bullshit. I know it and you know it." Amelia told her "I alone, am ready to leave my sisters and go back to Baltimore as fast as I can. And I don't have impending brain surgery and persistent headaches."

Meredith smiled. "You know I always wanted siblings. Cool older siblings that could take me out and could take care of me when my mother was working. But now I am not so sure anymore. Besides I would expect that she would have messed them up as well." Meredith laughed.

There was a moment of silence before Meredith continued on. "I hate this. I mean the situation. Running from one doctor to the other, having to tell them everything again and again. All I want to do is operate, not to be operated on. But those headaches…" Meredith groaned, pressing her hands on her temples. "and let me tell you, your sisters aren't helping." Meredith smiled weakly.

"I can imagine that. So what are you going to do? I assume you are going to have surgery." Amelia asked.

"Even though I don't want to, I know that I have to. There is already one pretty noticeable syrinx and another one forming. It would be stupid not to do it. We haven't decided where yet, our appointment got interrupted …"

"… by a craniotomy. Which I think you really didn't mind" Amelia laughed but feeling sad for the woman next to her, who obviously had so much potential.

"Exactly. A very welcome interruption. So we are going back tomorrow. See if Stark has any other suggestions. From there we figure out what we do next. Columbia is off the table, Derek almost killed the resident, such an incompetent idiot." Meredith chuckled.

"Oh, I would have loved to see that," Amelia said disappointedly.

"So there is Hopkins and Mount Sinai. I don't know how I feel of the later, a lot of people still know Derek and if Nancy walked in and out of there…" Meredith kept the sentence hanging, assuming Amelia would know what she meant.

"What about Hopkins, do you have any reservations because I am working there. I don't want to minimize your options, because of me. Anyways, should you decide to do it there you two are welcome to stay with me for the time being. Do you have a time frame yet?"

"No, no, it's fine. Thank you, Amelia." Meredith told her favorite future sister in law. She let out a long breath, running her hands through her hair, "No there is no timeframe. I don't want to think about the planning that has to go in it. Coordinating the entire schedule of the Neurosurgery department. Plus my schedule and I am supposed to have interns this year. Oh and the schedule of the hospital we are going to. It's a lot of planning. And I can't ignore the fact that I have to tell Webber and Bailey. I have to convince them, that I am still able to perform surgery. This is only half of it. I would like to go back to my old messed up life and not have to deal with this shit. If it would be up to me I would just ignore it, but it isn't thanks to your brother. I hate it... Oh god, I almost forgot about the insurance, that is the real nightmare. Luckily I have great insurance." Meredith rambled.

They sat in silence sitting leaned against the dining room wall starring at the table in front of them. Someone entered the dining room. "Oh there you are, I've been looking for you. We are ready to eat. What are you two doing in here on the floor?" Derek asked as he sat down on Meredith's other side.

"Hiding from the wolves." Amelia simply said.

"How's your head?" He asked Meredith, pulling her closer.

"Someone is using a jackhammer inside it, but other than that everything is just perfect." Meredith rolled her eyes, her head placed against Derek's shoulder.

"Oh great, nothing better than a good old jackhammer." He said sarcastically, running his fingers through her hair.

"How long do you think we can stay here before anyone realizes we are missing?" Amelia asked.

"Let's find out," Derek said, not wanting to move.

It took them ten minutes to figure out that three people were missing for dinner. One of their nieces came in to look for them, dragging them outside for one last family meal together. Dinner was delicious as every meal at Carolyn Shepherd's house.

Amelia was the first to leave the group, having to drive back to Baltimore. As Meredith and Amelia hugged goodbye, whispering in Meredith's ear that they were very welcome to stay with her if needed. Soon after that, more and more people were leaving ending their big family weekend.

* * *

Early the next morning Meredith and Derek were seated in Dr. Stark's office again. Carolyn had been disappointed, that both of them had to go to the city once again. Derek had promised her that they would have Monday all to themselves. He hated breaking his promises to his mom, but right now this had a much higher priority.

"Good morning." Dr. Stark entered his office, Meredith's new scans in one hand.

"Good morning" "Morning"

"Thank you for helping out on Friday." Dr. Stark said, "My residents were not thrilled that I wouldn't let them scrub in with you but instead an outsider got the opportunity. I have to say I am not disappointed with my decision. Actually, I am quite impressed. I had the chance to catch the end of the craniotomy. Derek, I am glad to see that nothing has changed since you moved to Seattle. Meredith, I've been teaching for a very long time and I have to say I have rarely seen so much talent and such technique in a second-year resident. I am very impressed. I had some time, so I did some digging, I have to say we are all quite jealous of Seattle Grace this year, me in particular. Best interns in Cardio and Neuro and under the top ten in General and Paeds." Dr. Stark said. Meredith and Derek just shrugged smiling.

"I know, I am not supposed to ask this but this Neuro placement…" Meredith enjoyed watching him squirm to ask the question. She wouldn't have thought that she would hate the attention from this more than the talk about her Chiari.

"You are right you are not supposed to ask. And I am not answering the question. But I think you already figured it out." Meredith stopped Dr. Stark, hoping this would move the conversation to the actual topic of their visit.

"If you, ever feel the need to move to the east coast, you are always welcome here." He told her.

"Thank you. At the moment I am really happy where I am, but thank you for the offer." Meredith declined politely, if she had a say in it, she would never move to New York.

"Do you have any surgeons in the family? Your father maybe?"

Just at that moment, Meredith realized that she never introduced herself with her last name and that through all of her appointment and the craniotomy he had not once read or heard her surname. This could get very interesting.

"Well, my mother actually," Meredith answered. Derek next to her cringed slightly exactly knowing what road this conversation would be taking.

"Your mother? Do I know her?"

"Probably," Meredith smirked.

"But you are not going to tell me, am I correct." Dr. Stark asked.

"You would be correct." Meredith was enjoying her game.

"So we should get to the scans then?"

"Yes," Derek said, he knew Meredith was enjoying her game, and he hoped that Dr. Stark would take one look at the name on the scans.

They went over the scans, once again Meredith was looking at the inside of her head. Her cerebellum tonsils were just as extended in her spinal canal as on previous scans.

"Look at that," she pointed to the spinal cord. "This syrinx is even smaller than before. If you know that it's there, you can see it. Probably because the second scan was taken after we've been on a plane for hours." Meredith assumed.

After they had gone over the scans, they discussed her options, which were the same that previously Dr. Welch had suggested. They were about to leave his office to check on their patient before one last time heading back home to his mother's house.

"I hope to see you soon, Meredith and Derek." Dr. Stark told them.

"You will hear from us. Have a good week." Derek said.

Just as Meredith was about to close the door she said: "My name is Dr. Meredith Grey. My mom was Dr. Ellis Grey. Nice to meet you, Dr. Stark." Meredith said, seeing his face fall at the realization, that she indeed was Ellis Grey's daughter, how could he have missed the resemblance.

* * *

3/2/19

Thank you for coming back, reading, reviewing, following and favoriting. I truly appreciate it. Let me know what you think. I wanted to incorporate Derek's fam, as I think it is something the show never really played with. But then again this is a MerDer story and they just have a supporting role to make the story more plausible. See you next week, bye.


	13. Chapter 13 - Heads Up

Welcome Back! I don't own any recognizable characters I am just borrowing them for my story. Please enjoy.

* * *

 **Chapter 13 – Heads up**

It was early in the morning and Meredith got rudely awoken by her alarm clock. Today was their first day back. She untangled herself out of Derek's arms to get herself ready for her first day as a resident at Seattle Grace. Had it really been a year since she met the man currently still soundly asleep in their bed? She was glad to be back in Seattle, back to their regular routine, back in their environment. The last two weeks had been physically and emotionally exhausting.

* * *

 _After they had left the hospital that Monday, they had met up with his mother, who wanted to spend as much time together with them as possible not knowing when they would see each other again. On their last day in New York Derek had taken his mom out on a one on one lunch date, while Meredith met up with Cristina near La Guardia for a much needed twisted sister session. The timing had matched up perfectly, after all the appointments and the family weekend Meredith was in desperate need of her person, who happened to fly back home that day. Derek, on the other hand, could spend some quality time with his mother, smoothing out some of the unspoken disappointments of his rather abrupt departure the previous year. It was then that Carolyn had given Derek her engagement ring, telling him that Meredith was the one for him and that his father had intended for him to have the ring for the right person. Derek had to smile when she told him that, thinking back to his and Meredith's conversation on his land, just a couple of days back._

 _They had had one last dinner that night with Kathleen stopping by to say her goodbyes._

 _Just before they had left for the airport the next morning, Carolyn had told them how extremely happy she was that they had found each other._

 _Meredith and Derek had come to an agreement that they would discuss her options when back in Seattle. The next day, both had sat down together on the trailer's deck, going over the different opinions they had received. Generally speaking, every surgeon wanted to do roughly the same, but the approach varied. Without any hesitation, Columbia was off the table. Leaving a heated debate between Hopkins and Mount Sinai. Derek had wanted her to have surgery in New York because he knew the staff, the surroundings and they could stay with his mother. Meredith had understood where he was coming from, but medically speaking there wasn't a great difference between the two hospitals. Meredith had taken a liking in Dr. Welch, she felt comfortable with him being her doctor and operating on her. Maybe because he reminded her of Derek, even though he was so very different from her fiancé. She liked that she would have her privacy. Derek was known but no one actually knew him as a surgeon. And Meredith really liked Amelia. Meredith had told him her concerns with New York nervously pacing up and down the deck. How she didn't like that everybody knew him, how he would be there as a doctor, not her support system, how Nancy would walk in and out of the hospital and how they would treat her differently because of her connections. Derek knew that she was nervous and anxious about the entire ordeal no matter where they would decide to go. He didn't want to put extra stress on her._

 _Soon the final decision was made. She would be having surgery at Hopkins, they would be staying with Amelia as long as they had to._

* * *

Meredith was in the bathroom combing her wet hair when Derek appeared in the mirror behind her wrapping his arms around her.

"Good morning." He whispered, kissing her neck.

"Morning" she replied smiling at him in the mirror.

"Are you ready for today?"

"Yes, I am so ready to be back at work. No, I don't want to tell them." Meredith told him honestly.

"It'll be alright." He kissed her again.

"Hopefully. You promise me, if Richard wants to ban me from the OR, you will tell him that I am okay and not any threat to the patients."

"Of course. We already talked about that. Stop worrying, Mer."

"And you promise me that I will scrub in on your first surgery?"

"Yes, I already promised that." He laughed.

"Just making sure. I'll see you later. Love you." Meredith kissed him hurrying out of the bathroom to meet Alex downstairs to drive to work.

* * *

Meredith walked into residents' lounge chatting with Alex, who excitedly told her about his trip. The lounge was buzzing with residents, getting ready for their shifts and others getting ready to go home. She picked a new cubby and changed into her familiar scrubs, waiting for Bailey, who had been named chief resident. Meredith's was tying her sneakers when Cristina appeared next to her on the bench.

"You are back, finally."

"Cristina we saw each other three days ago. I am also very happy to see you. Since when are you back at work?" Meredith asked.

"Yesterday. I trolled for cases and got on a cardio case. I don't know if I like the new attending, she is a little weird. But I already performed surgery as a resident." Cristina gloated.

"So did I," Meredith said sneakily, earning her a very jealous confused look from Cristina.

"How? Mer you were in New York and god knows where."

"You forgot what I was doing most of the time. They needed a neurosurgeon and I got to scrub in with Derek."

"That is so not fair," Cristina complained.

"You know what's not fair?" Meredith asked raising her eyebrows.

"I know, I know. So have you two battled out your differences?" Cristina asked.

"Yes, actually we have. And let me tell you it was not pretty. He can be so stubborn sometimes." Meredith rolled her eyes. "But we had a long heated discussion and came up with a plan. Now I have to tell Bailey and the Chief." Meredith groaned.

"So Hopkins then?" Cristina wanted to know.

"Of course. I was not about to give in. My head, my decision." Meredith whispered when Bailey entered the lounge.

Dr. Bailey told them what she was expecting from them in a very Bailey manner and started handing out assignments.

"Good morning Dr. Bailey," Meredith said, happy to finally being back at work.

"Morning Grey, Yang. Yang, you already know where you have to go. And Grey you got assigned the neurosurgery pager. What a surprise. Go find Nelson, since Shepherd is not in yet. But you already knew that. Are you still not sick of him?"

"He has a promise to keep," Meredith told her.

As they made their way to find their attendings, Meredith ran into Richard.

"Morning Chief."

"Morning Meredith, good to have you back. I wanted to congratulate you on your results, very well done. Your mother would be very proud." Richard told her.

"Thank you, Sir. But I highly doubt it."

"We will never know, will we? I hope you enjoyed your time off?" Richard chuckled.

"Actually I wanted to talk about that with you. Do you have a minute at any point today?"

Richard looked confused.

"Of course, what is this about?" Richard asked

"I would rather tell you about that in private. Do I need an appointment?" Meredith asked Richard, who grew more concerned.

"Why don't you stop by my office around noon?"

"Great. See you then, Sir." Meredith hurried away to answer her first page, leaving a very confused Richard behind.

* * *

Her first day back turned out to be very unexciting. Derek had to catch up with his department. He needed to check in with his surgeons, fellows, and residents about what happened while was gone. While he was catching up on paperwork, Meredith had to check up on post-ops instead of scrubbing in on anything exciting. Just before noon, Meredith went up to Richard's office, running into Bailey along the way. She asked Bailey to come, so she didn't have to repeat the same story again.

As Meredith entered the office with Bailey, Richard looked just as confused as her. They sat down in front of Richard's desk waiting for Meredith to start. Meredith was nervous, this would be the first time she would tell anyone about her Chiari. Not only did she need to convince the both of them that she was fit to work, but she also had to pretty much tell them that they would be without two of their doctors for some time.

"I just wanted to let you know, that somewhere within the next couple of months, I won't be able to come to work for about a mon…" Meredith started, just to be interrupted by Dr. Bailey.

"Grey, you just had two weeks off. What do you think this is - the make a wish foundation? What do you mean with 'won't be able'" Bailey remarked, not very pleased with Meredith's announcement.

"Trust me when I say that I don't really want to not be able to work. And if I could I would do everything in my power to be here. But I can't…"

"Oh my god, you are pregnant!" Richard exclaimed.

"No! No, I am not pregnant. I'm doing a really bad job at explaining. I have to get time off, so I can have surgery across the country …"Meredith started but was interrupted again. By now she had a full-blown headache, just from trying to explain what was going on.

"Why do you need to go across the country to have surgery. We have a fully stocked hospital here, we are the best hospitals in Seattle. I am sure we can do this." Bailey reasoned.

"No, you can't. Because the surgeon that I'd need is not available for that particular case." Which earned her very confused looks. "Derek can't operate on me. Okay, let me explain. Do you know what Chiari malformation is?" both general surgeons shook their heads, Meredith was not surprised, the condition was rather rare and most cases weren't surgical. "The skull of Chiari Malformation patients is too small for their brain. Which means that the cerebral tonsils are extended into the spinal canal compressing on the spinal cord and the brainstem. Also blocking a normal flow of CSF. Resulting in extreme headaches, neck pain, dizziness, numbness and tingling, and multiple other symptoms. Most cases are not surgical and can be treated with pain medication. Well, not mine. There can be other conditions that can occur alongside with Chiari. For example Syringomyelia. I have that as well. Since I am symptomatic and have an occurring condition, I have to have surgery, to firstly hopefully lessen my symptoms and secondly prevent any possible future nerve damage." Meredith continued looking at them. "So, here is the problem, Derek knows how to do it, but can't out of obvious reasons, and there is not really another Chiari specialist in the area. We were on the east coast last week, to check out our options. We came up with a game plan, but it has to be there because they have other patients as well and can't just leave. There is obviously immediate recovery involved as well as a restriction to immediate flying, because of the increased pressure. After we are back I will be most likely limited in my abilities to work, because I will be recovering from brain surgery." Meredith finished.

"How long have you known?" Richard asked a little mad, that she kept something like that from him.

"A little less than two weeks. We have been in the doctor's limbo for the last two weeks." Meredith told them honestly, she waited for them to wrap their minds around it, knowing that there would be more questions to come. Richard was the first to break the silence.

"Meredith, I hope you know that means you can't be in an OR until your surgery. The risks are too high."

"The risks aren't any higher than for any other surgeon. I am not on any narcotics, I have no impairment of my fine motor skills, there is no nerve damage – we did multiple tests. I have headaches. I am cleared to operate." Meredith stated, "Besides, do you really think that Derek would let me in an OR if he had any doubt that I wasn't 100% fit to operate?" She could still see doubt on their faces, "If you like you can ask my doctors. I am sure they are more than happy to confirm. This is nothing that happened overnight, it's most likely that I had Chiari since I was a teenager, but never interpreted my symptoms as something serious."

"I will check that. I assume correctly that you are not just asking for time for yourself and that my head of neurosurgery will be accompanying you." Richard asked.

"You would assume correctly," Meredith confirmed his suspicions.

"How do you think, we are going to find a substitute for our head of neurosurgery and one of our best residents? What do we do now?" Bailey inquired.

"Well, there isn't much anyone can do and what we can do is already done or is going to happen. It is my obligation to inform you about any medical condition that could in any way influence my performance as a doctor, once again it shouldn't. There isn't a date yet. Dr. Welch fully understood the challenges we would be facing. So he suggested that we would plan accordingly to your schedule. This is a heads up, that the surgery is going to happen and I hope we can figure out a way that you have as much time to prepare as possible." Meredith said.

"Since you two were gone for two weeks, I would appreciate if you could give us at least two months, to come up with a game plan. We have new interns coming in next week and you were supposed to take some." Richard thought out loud.

"And I still will. Just going to be away for a while. I will call Dr. Welch about a date for the surgery starting in two months from now and will let you know as soon as I know more." Meredith assured them.

"Good, are we done here? I have surgery in five." Bailey said.

"Of course Miranda."

Dr. Bailey left the room and Meredith was about to follow her when she turned to Richard and told him. "I won't let that stop me." Meredith smiled and left the room, to find Derek.

* * *

9/3/19

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for your nice reviews, I really enjoy reading them. I also quite like reading your guesses and suggestions about what will happen next. Keep that coming. We are back in Seattle for a short time. Next chapter we have a little time jump and Meredith will tell Alex and George. This story is far from being over soon. I have so many more ideas, of what to incorporate into the story, so I hope you are here for the ride. As always, please follow, favorite and review. Have a great weekend and I'll be here next week. Bye.


	14. Chapter 14 - Telling the Friends

Hello. Welcome back! Enjoy.

* * *

 **Chapter 14 – Telling the Friends**

In four days Meredith and Derek were scheduled to leave for Maryland. Meredith put her lunch tray down on the table, that was already occupied by her friends.

"I am so exhausted, you have no idea," Meredith said, taking a sip of her water. She just came out of a very long but successful spinal surgery with Derek. Immediately before that, she had scrubbed in with Bailey on a General case. She had been in the hospital for 48 hours straight by now. Meredith could barely keep her eyes open and her head was about to explode. By the end of the last surgery, she had felt tingling in her feet and the beginning pins and needles in her left hand, signaling her to slow down for the day. After lunch with her friends, she would head home and sleep for a while before she had to start packing.

* * *

 _A lot had happened in the last three and a half month. The new interns had invaded the hospital, one was more stupid than the other. One intern turned out to be her other half-sister Lexi, who relocated to Seattle after her mom's death. Meredith wasn't really interested in any contact to her half-siblings, but Lexi had made an effort so that she had a hard time keeping this promise. She was friendly and smart, but she was brought up in a happy family, which slightly bothered Meredith. Over the months Meredith came to know her a little more, understanding that there existed some darkness under her happy facade. She wasn't sure about her feelings toward her younger sister maybe she actually started to like_ _her. When she first introduced herself Meredith was less than impressed and swore she would have no more than necessary contact with her, but after some gentle pushing from Derek, Meredith actually reached the point where she somewhat would acknowledge her as a sister._

 _As a motivational tool, Bailey had conducted a surgical contest for the second year residents every surgical or medical procedure earned them points, by the end of the contest the one with the most points would win a highly praised mystery price. Since surgeons were a competitive bunch, the game was on to the point that the second years would be camping out in the hospital for days without leaving._

 _A week into the competition Meredith hadn't come home once, staying at the hospital trolling for surgeries, basically not sleeping nor resting. Derek had to pull the emergency brake. She had been in the OR with him for hours assisting him on a tumor resection when he noticed the first indications of her overdoing it, were affecting her health. After surgery Derek had pulled her aside checking her neuro functions. It had been part of their arrangement with Dr. Welch and Richard to be able to push her decompression surgery back a little. Derek could and would be checking her if he deemed it necessary. He had to threaten her with a 24-hour c-collar and a call to Hopkins if she wouldn't go home, rest and take care of herself. To say that Meredith was not ecstatic was an understatement, but they could take away her surgical clearance. The only thing she could do was being mad at Derek, and that she did with a lot of passion. Even though she knew he was technically right._

 _Nevertheless last week Meredith had won the contest and the sparkle pager after diagnosing a patient with a medical mystery. The brain tumor later turned out to be an inoperable malignant glioma, a diagnosis which mostly signed the patient's death sentence, tinting her victory in a darker color. Meredith had thrown herself into research about those kinds of brain tumors, spending hours and hours in the research library. Unfortunately, her time had been very limited with their impending departure. She wanted to work as many hours as possible before she had to leave, so she wouldn't be too far behind after her return._

 _Everything was planned out. A handful of people knew about her impending surgery, to keep the gossip to a minimum. Their last surgeries were scheduled, her interns would be temporarily transferred to different residents, the plane was booked, Amelia had coordinated with Hopkins, all they had to do was pack and leave._

* * *

"You've been working like crazy Mer there is no need to work yourself into the ground" George stated. Meredith and Cristina shared a knowing look.

Alex slumped down on the last remaining chair at their table completing their group.

"I am so glad when this week is done. I did the tenth liposuction in the last four days, I think I hate plastics." Alex exclaimed.

"Because it's not real surgery, Alex," Cristina told him. "I told you should stick with Paeds after you got your test score, but you were to cool to be a paediatric surgeon, now you are on Sloan's service, deal with it."

"We got our work schedule for next the month." Alex changed the subject holding a piece of paper and sending Cristina an evil glare. "Mer, you are not on it, you should probably check with Bailey."

Meredith swallowed hard, she hadn't told Alex and George, yet. Both had become like her brothers over the last year. George had moved in early her intern year. With his sweet caring personality, he had an easy way into people's hearts. He was a good doctor, with a lot of potential but he hadn't found his place yet. Meredith didn't want to tell him, she was dark and twisty and couldn't handle compassion and pity very well. She feared that he would watch out for her and bring attention to her condition when all she wanted to do is ignore it all along. And having Derek, Bailey, and Richard on her back all the time was more than enough.

Alex, on the other hand, was a totally different story. Cristina was her person, but Alex was her brother from another mother. At first, she hated him, his cocky frat boy attitude, trying to sleep with the entire female hospital population. But then she got to know him. Under his facade, he was just as twisted as she was, messed up by his childhood. They were different in so many ways but understood each other's struggles. He had moved in after Izzy left and she was happy that he did. There was no particular reason why she hadn't told him, other than that she didn't. She had procrastinated until the very last moment. Now she had to let the cat out of the bag, she had missed too many opportunities already, to tell them. Now or never Meredith thought.

"Don't worry Alex, the schedule is correct. I won't be here for the rest of the month." Meredith told them, all of the sudden really interested in her bland sandwich.

"You got off, again? What are you doing this time? Lucky you. Dream vacation with McDreamy?" Alex joked.

"Sure, I will enjoy my all-inclusive, all expenses paid vacation at one of America's finest vacation spots. It will be so exclusive that they even offer room service, around the clock care and if you ask really really nicely they even cut into your brain." Meredith replied sarcastically glaring at him. "No, Alex I will not go on my dream vacation, I will be in a hospital to have brain surgery. Sounds like a real dream, doesn't it."

Meredith looked in George's and Alex's shocked faces. Originally this wasn't the way she wanted to tell them, but Alex gave her the perfect opening for this.

"What?! Oh, Mer. Are you okay?" George reacted just as Meredith had predicted. That's why she couldn't tell him alone.

"Of course she's not, George," Cristina muttered rolling her eyes.

"At least it's a not a stupid cruise you are going on. I would say a once in a lifetime experience." Alex played along, which made them laugh. Then he turned really serious. "No, seriously now Mer, what's going on? Are you okay?"

"Yes, obviously she is not okay. Nobody just chooses to have someone cut into her brain." Cristina pipped in sarcastically.

Two pairs of curious eyes were focused on her, Cristina already knew every single detail about what's going to happen.

"About three and a half months ago – just after the intern exam – Derek dragged me to have an MRI because I was having these massive headaches and a whole lot of other different symptoms. I was convinced that it was stress related, because of everything that had happened. I did it anyway to give him some peace. It turns out that the stress was actually Chiari Malformation. We flew to the east coast for some consults about treatment options. Since I am symptomatic and given all the other occurring factors I got myself a ticket into the OR. I'll be having a posterior fossa decompression to reduce the pressure, stop it from progressing and restore a normal flow of CSF. At Hopkins, in less than a week." Meredith explained.

"But why are you going across the country?" George asked, a very confused and worried expression on his face.

"Because obviously, Shepherd can't help her, O'Malley," Cristina said rolling her eyes again. "By the way, I am taking over the sparkle pager, right Mer?"

"This is so not fair," Alex exclaimed. "I want the sparkle pager."

"Hey, what about me? Mer will give the pager to me. Right?" George piped in.

"And why would she do that, 007? And there is no chance you will get it Evil Spawn. I am her person."

Meredith had just told her friends that she would be gone to have brain surgery and here they were fighting over, who would have the magic sparkle pager. Smiling to herself she watched her friends.

"What's happening here?" Derek whispered in her ear leaning over her shoulder.

"Hey" Meredith turned around and kissed him, they just spent hours in an OR together. "Oh, they are fighting over my sparkle pager. Cristina told them I would give it to her leading to all of this" she motioned her hand to her friends giggling.

"So I assume you haven't told them that the pager stays with Bailey until you return." Derek could see the amusement in her eyes.

"Nope." She smirked.

"Evil."

"It's not evil. Someone is about to cut open my head, I tell them and all they think about is a stupid pager."

Derek laughed at that. Meredith wanted to keep her health condition as private as possible. She had told the people she needed to, including Cristina. Derek had told Mark. Until today they were the only people, besides the Chief and Bailey, that knew what Meredith and Derek would be doing during their absence.

"Are you about ready to head home?"

"I just need to grab my stuff out of the lounge. You want to come?"

Derek nodded smiling at her. He loved the days when he could head home with her. She hasn't been at home a lot lately and now they would have some uninterrupted time together.

"Guys." Meredith interrupted the ongoing argument. "I'm heading home. See you tomorrow. And what you just heard is NOT leaving this table." She shot them a warning look, took her tray and walked away, her friends still arguing about the pager, that would never be theirs.

* * *

"We should be packing. We still have a lot to do." Meredith and Derek were naked entwined in their sheets, seeing the pile of laundry that had to be folded and packed.

"But I much rather … do … this" Derek stated, kissing her between each word, "Besides … there … won't … be … a … lot … of … this … for … a … while …."

"Why are you so convincing, Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith laughed, as they continued their uninterrupted afternoon.

* * *

3/16/19

Thank you for reading chapter 14. I can't believe we are already on chapter 14. I hope you enjoyed it. It was a little shorter than the others. But chapter length will pick up after that. Next chapter we will start the 'real' adventure. Let me know what you think. Thank you for your reviews, as always I love reading them.


	15. Chapter 15 - Plans Fall Apart

**Chapter 15 - Plans Fall Apart**

"Are you really going to work tonight?" Derek asked again.

"Yes, Derek. I am working tonight. This is my last chance for, who knows how long. I need to get more hours in, so I don't fall behind."

"For the last time, you are not going to fall behind, Mer."

"Whatever. I am running the pit tonight. I'll be done in time don't worry. Love you." And she was gone leaving Derek alone in his office. They had everything planned out. Their bags were packed and in the car ready for their departure. Derek had handed over his department, rounded on his post-ops one last time and was ready to head home to bed, after a long day at the hospital. The plan was that they would head home together. The next day they would catch the noon flight to DC. Get a rental car, drive to Hopkins, beat the worst afternoon traffic and be at the hospital for the latest possible admission time. That evening Meredith was scheduled for a pre-op MRI and labs.

The schedule was tight and had no room for any possible errors. Then today Meredith announced during lunch that she would be covering the pit tonight for a resident who had fallen sick. Derek knew she was harboring feelings of doubt since she would miss out on so much surgery during her recovery, so she offered herself to every open opportunity. He was frustrated but he had learned that there was no stopping her when she had made up her mind and as long he would get her on the flight everything should be fine.

Derek let out a long sigh, tidying the last remains off his desk before heading home to sleep in his bed, leaving Meredith at the hospital.

It was a particularly rainy and stormy night, so the pit was swamped with patients, keeping them very busy throughout the night. Meredith didn't particularity like being on call and in the hospital for 24 hours, but there was something exciting about running the pit during a busy night. You never knew what could come through the doors any minute and being in charge gave you access to some interesting surgeries. Deep down she knew that she was playing with fire, if anything unexpected happened and she would be stuck in surgery, with a life in her hands, she could be endangering their entire game plan.

It was a busy night by five a.m. Meredith hadn't slept a minute, had scrubbed in on two surgeries so far, had treated countless cuts and was now waiting for a new trauma coming in. The patient was in very bad shape having rolled his car multiple times resulting in an acute trauma case. Right after a full body scan, he was transferred into the OR so that they could try to repair the extensive damage. It was a Hail Mary, but they tried anyway. As the resident on call Meredith was right there to scrub in.

* * *

Hours later Derek walked into Seattle Grace in search of his stubborn fiancé whose shift should have ended hours ago. Since Meredith neither showed up at home on time nor picked up her phone, Derek had decided to drag her out of the hospital himself, pack her in the car to drive to the airport. They needed to leave now if they wanted a fair chance to make their flight. Finding her was not an easy task, she could have been anywhere. Instinctively he walked by the OR board where he found her name written down next to a trauma case. He had expected a lot but what he didn't expect was to find her in an OR, elbow deep in a body cavity together with two attendings trying to save the patient's life, who was clearly circling the drain. Derek stood close to the OR gallery window, letting out a long breath, he was frustrated, their entire plan just went down the drain. He watched as the surgeons down there did everything in their power to do the impossible. Derek could tell that Meredith was exhausted and as much as she loved doing her job and no matter how good she was at it, the spark had left her at his moment. He could also tell that she was very much aware of the situation outside of the OR. Derek stepped away pulling his phone out of his pocket, to make a call to the airline to secure two seats on the next flight to D.C.

Derek stood outside the hospital employee entrance calling his sister for the thousand's time, to let her know about the unfortunate change of their travel plans. He had reached the airline and waited on confirmation of the rebooking. Amelia, however, didn't pick up the phone and calling Hopkins directly would do more harm than good. Derek was determined to get to Hopkins today, whatever it took.

"Come on Amy, pick up your damn phone." Derek cursed, slamming his phone shut.

"Shepherd, what are you still doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at the airport?" Bailey asked as she walked by him.

"Yes, supposed to is the right term. My stubborn, selfless idiotic girlfriend, picked up the pit-night shift last night because whoever was supposed to be there last night, is out sick. So now she is stuck in surgery and can't leave since she is elbow deep in a person." Derek sighed, looking at his watch. "We are about to miss our flight. And our masterplan just went down the drain. I am trying to reach my sister to figure out what we are going to do next. And the airline is supposed to call with the confirmation. And I think Meredith is about this close to calling off everything." Derek told the resident.

"Is there anything I can do?" Bailey asked, frankly concerned about the neurosurgeon's sanity at this point.

"No, not really. But thank you for asking. If you run into Yang, can you tell her to be on standby?" Derek asked, walking with her back to the surgical floor.

"I can do that. And Shepherd? Don't forget to breathe." Dr. Bailey told him giving him a pointed look.

"I'll try to remember," Derek smiled. He stepped back into the OR gallery, just to hear the persistent sound of the flatline, followed soon after by the time of death. This wasn't good. Losing a patient was never easy, but in this situation, it could be close to catastrophic for Meredith's mindset. Derek watched for a couple more seconds before he made his way to the scrub room, waiting for her to come out. He was wrapped up in his thoughts, starring at the door wishing for her to appear until his ringing phone ripped him out of it.

"You know dear brother if someone isn't picking up their phone, it usually means that the person is busy, so there is no need to go all overboard." Amelia greeted him.

"I am sorry, but we kind of have a situation..." Derek started.

"Derek, why aren't you on a plane? You should be on a plane." She stated.

"I know, that's why I have been calling you. Meredith got stuck in surgery and now we missed our flight."

"Well, that sucks. That really sucks. Have you got new tickets yet?" Amelia asked.

"I already called the airline and I am waiting on confirmation. I just wanted to let you know, since everything changed now. The next flight out is at 2:30, let's keep our fingers crossed that we will make this one." Derek told his sister as the scrub room door opened showing a dead tried Meredith. As soon as she saw him she lowered her eyes not meeting his gaze. He inhaled deeply, opening his arm. Meredith stepped into his personal space, laying her head on his chest as he wrapped his free arm around her, hugging her closer. He couldn't be sure but he was pretty positive to hear a timed sorry being whispered. "I'll let you know as soon as I know more. Sorry for the inconvenience."

"Well I guess you have to make it up to me then," Amelia teased, "I'll see what I can do. I will talk to Dr. Welch and we will figure something out, okay? Text me when you get the confirmation. And Derek, don't be mad, you know how it is. You both have a lot on your plates right now. Try to stay calm for your sake and for Meredith's. As long as you'll make it we can figure something out. I'll call you as soon as I know something." Amy told him, hanging up without much of a goodbye.

Once he finished his call Meredith started to apologize. He had to stop her mid-apology, telling her what he had already done and that they had to hurry if they wanted to make the next flight. Derek sent her to the lounge to get changed, in hopes that Cristina would be there, to do some of her twisted sister magic.

Derek called the airline again to get the confirmation he needed. He had to print out the written statement for the check-in before he could pick up Meredith in the residents' lounge.

Derek opened the door to see Meredith pacing the length of the room rambling to Cristina, who was sitting on one of the benches.

"... this is all stupid, I should have never agreed to that MRI. They need us here, we can't just leave, what was I thinking? Just because I have this stupid thing, this hospital won't have their head of Neuro for the next three weeks..." Meredith continued still nervously pacing.

Derek shot Cristina a worried look.

"... and I don't really need surgery right now, this could wait at least another two, three months. And people die, they just die. And with my luck…"

"Woah, Woah, Woah, you stop right there, Meredith." Derek caught Meredith in the middle of her pace, turning him towards her. "Look at me. We are going to do this and everything is going to be just fine. We had some hiccups. But we are doing it, okay?" he locked eyes with her and she had tears in her eyes. He hugged her tightly, kissing her temple, whispering 'It's going to be okay' over and over until she finally calmed down.

"Are we okay now?" He asked her. Meredith nodded wiping away her tears. "Okay, because we got to go before we miss the next flight." He checked his watch, "You don't even have time to change, so scrubs it is. I hope you already said goodbye because we really need to go" Derek grabbed her bag leading her out of the room, hours after he initially thought he would.

* * *

They sat at the gate waiting for their delayed plane. They had rushed to the airport, dropped off their bags and went through security in record time, to be right on time for boarding, just to hear the announcement about the delay.

Meredith had her head on Derek's shoulder and he had his arm around her gently massaging her arm. It has been 30 minutes since they arrived.

"I kind of wish I had regular clothes so people would stop looking at me, but then I remember that I am too tired to care," Meredith said.

"If we would have known that we would be waiting here you could have changed."

"I kind of like the scrubs, they are so comfortable like pajamas. A fresh pair would have been nice, though."

"When is the last time you have eaten or drunken anything?"

"Honestly, I don't even remember," Meredith told him.

"We need to change that, do you want anything in particular?" Derek asked.

"No don't go, you are my pillow." She complained.

"I'll be right back, don't you worry."

Derek returned shortly with bottles of water and sandwiches, which she took gratefully.

"How is your headache? Any better after the water?" He asked.

Over the last months, Derek became an expert in reading her for any sign of discomfort. He could tell by her body language and her facial expression if she was in pain or experiencing any other symptoms. And he always knew what she needed. In the beginning, he tried to convince her to take meds, drink water or sit down. Now he just did it without any comment.

"Annoying. Really really annoying. And not really better." She told him, just when his phone rang. Derek had called Amelia after they went through security.

"Hello, my dear sister." He answered the call.

"Derek?"

"Yes, you called me."

"Honestly I was expecting to talk to your voicemail. Delay?"

"You would be correct."

"Anyways, we came up with a plan for admission. The only way for you to get admitted at this time is through the ER. We went through many different options, but since it is getting later and later, this is the safest option. Dr. Welch talked to the neurologist and neurosurgeon on call tonight and they know that you are coming. As soon as they are paged, you should be good to go, we have a room ready. And don't let the nurses or other doctors know what you are doing." Amelia explained, "Try to make them run labs and an MRI, so we have that already done. Dr. Welch told me to remind you that Meredith is NPO after midnight our time, but she can drink until two. You got all of that?"

"Yes, got it."

"Really? Should I repeat?"

"No Amy. Get admitted through the ER. Be creative and don't tell them, make them run Meredith's laps and an MRI, NPO after midnight, neuro knows. See I got it. I'll see you tomorrow." Derek told his sister rolling his eyes.

"Good, see you tomorrow and say hi to Meredith." And with that, she hung up.

"Seems like it's going to be a long night," Meredith said looking at him.

"Yeah, it sure sounds like it. We should probably get some rest on the plane."

* * *

Finally, their flight number got called for boarding. Boarding took forever, so they missed their slot for takeoff leaving them sitting on the tarmac for another 30 minutes. And because of the new tickets, they were crammed in middle seats not sitting by each other.

"I told you we should have stayed" Meredith muttered in the row behind him.

After what felt like an eternity the plane had taken off and had finally settled into cruising altitude. The flight attendants did the drink service. Meredith was dead tired to the point that she was too wired to sleep. She needed Derek to calm her down so she could actually rest, but her pillow was sitting in front of her in between two strangers. To distract herself she continued some more of the hopefully promising research on the gliomas.

The first three hours of the flight went by without a hitch. Meredith came back from the bathroom, the first red flag was raised when she saw the flight attendants nervously running around, attending to a couple not far from her row.

Since she didn't really like her middle seat and was restless in general she went for a walk in the aisle. When a flight attendant with an oxygen tank passed her, her alarm bells started ringing. The next time Meredith circled around economy class, she could see that they were in serious need of help. The young woman was having severe trouble breathing everyone around her was overwhelmed with the situation. Meredith didn't know what she was doing – no one had asked for help yet – but she couldn't just stand there and watch as the situation worsened.

"Is there any way I can help?" Meredith asked as she approached the situation, getting ready to step in.

"Are you a nurse?" one of the flight attendants asked as he saw her scrubs.

"No," Meredith responded as she watched the faces around her fall, "I am a doctor." The demeanor changed again. "What's going on?"

"She has serious trouble breathing and we can't figure out why. This exceeds our medical training."

"Okay, why don't we move this into a calmer part of the plane and then we can figure out what's going on. Can you clear an area please?" Meredith was taking over control over the situation addressing the attendants, kneeling down in front of her patient.

"Hey, I'm Dr. Grey. We'll figure out what's wrong with you. Can you walk …?"

"Sara, her name is Sara." The freaked out young man next to her answered.

"Thank you. Are you traveling with her?" Meredith asked and just received a nod as an answer. "Can you walk, Sara?"

They had successfully moved Sara in the back of the plane. Marco, her boyfriend had filled her in on her medical history as Meredith examined her. One of the flight attendants had brought her the first aid kit, which was surprisingly well stocked. Meredith still had her stethoscope in her pocket. She tried to listen to Sara's breath sounds over the noise of the airplane. What she heard concerned her greatly.

"Okay Sara, we will figure this out, just keep breathing slow deep breaths," Meredith assured her patient as she turned to the stewardess next to her. "Could you to go to seat 24E and wake the man with the dark hair, bring him back here and tell him to bring every medical equipment he has with him."

As she waited for Derek to show up, hoping he had something in his carry-on bag, she connected the patient to the leads of the cardiac monitor and started an IV. She didn't know that airlines were required to carry IV-fluids. She kept talking to her patient the same as she did in the pit.

"What'd going on, Mer?" Derek asked.

"Derek!" Meredith jumped up and began whispering to him. "We have a two-week post-op port placement patient with pneumothorax on the left side. Derek, I'm pretty sure she needs a chest tube. I need you to check, it's really hard to hear over all the noise. But it is there."

Derek's eyes widened as he heard Meredith's assessment. He took her stethoscope, introduced himself and listened for what Meredith told him. When he got back up, he just nodded in agreement to Meredith just sighed.

"Okay, great. Do you have any medical equipment?"

"What do we have in the kit? I don't think we will find a chest tube, there."

"No, but we have a scalpel and a 14-gauge needle, and we have another cannula tubing for the oxygen. We need to macgyver something with the things we have. We need to do something because I don't know how long her heart is going to take the extra work." Meredith whispered. "Do you have a suture kit or something?"

"I should have one. Let me check."

"And Derek, bring my pain meds, she is going to need it."

* * *

"Are you sure …" Derek started, getting glared at by Meredith.

"For the last time. YES! Could you please stop doubting me? When was the last time you placed a chest tube?" Meredith was about to start the procedure. The environment wasn't ideal, the equipment was far from it. But it had to be done. As soon as they would start to descend, the change of cabin pressure would only worsen the situation if they couldn't get out the air pressing on the lung and hoping it would inflate again. "That's what I thought. Derek, I got it."

"I know, just take your time."

Meredith identified the anatomical landmarks and cleaned the skin with alcohol. They had premedicated Sara with some pain meds, to take some of the edge off, but this would hurt like hell.

"I am really sorry I have to do this," Meredith whispered. "Scalpel." She said firmer.

Meredith made the incision, opening up the skin as best as she could, checking again and again.

"Okay." She breathed in deeply, "Needle please." She inserted the needle attached to the oxygen tubing into the incision, hoping that the equipment holds up. As she heard a gush of air leaving the tube she released a breath that she didn't know she was holding in. "Okay, okay, okay. Just need to secure the tube." Meredith said as Derek handed her the sutures. With the tube in place, she once again checked the breath sounds. "Bilateral chest sounds." She exhaled smiling as she came out of her bubble. For the first time in fifteen minutes, she realized that there were other people around her.

"You did well," Derek told her proudly.

"How are you feeling, Sara?" Meredith asked.

"Hurts." She whispered through the oxygen mask.

"That's okay." Meredith smiled.

"I am going to talk to the captain," Derek said getting up kissing her head.

Meredith made sure that her patient was stable and settled in on the galley floor for the remainder of the flight. At this point, she didn't know how long they had left for their scheduled flight time if they would continue to DC or emergency land somewhere, which would mess up their planning even more. As she got up and straightened her back, her upper neck hit an open galley door with full force, making her see stars. She had to catch herself on the counter to keep from falling over. Meredith sat down slowly leaning against the counter, closing her eyes waiting for the feeling to pass.

"You are exhausted." Derek sat down next to her wrapping his arm around her. "Have you slept any?" Meredith shook her head, leaning it against his shoulder. "I talked to the captain and we are 30 minutes outside of DC. We have priority landing and we will be met with EMS on the tarmac. How is she?"

"Stable. She should be fine. Did this just really happen?"

"You putting in a chest tube in midflight with nothing more than a scalpel, a needle, and an oxygen tube? Yes, that happened."

"Let's finish this. I am going to stay here and monitor her. You can get your stuff ready and rest a little because you still have to drive."

"You will be okay?"

"I'm fine, Derek."

* * *

She handed Sara over to the paramedics as soon as they entered the plane after touchdown in DC. Neither of them ever being in this situation before didn't know what would happen after they landed. As doctors, they were protected if anything should have gone wrong, but they still needed to give their statements and sign some paperwork. They were met with the entire fire department, police force and EMTs. The airport had shut down and they were stranded on the tarmac for another half an hour before they could be moved to a gate. They had to give official statements to the FBI and airline when all they wanted to do was get their bags and go. By the time they were at the car rental place, it was almost midnight, which meant Meredith had to soon be NPO.

* * *

3/23/19

Welcome back. Thank you for reading. After last week's very short chapter this week a longer one. You know the spiel, review to let me know what you think and follow for more. I love hearing from you. I try to update every Saturday. Enjoy your weekend.

P.S. I am really bad at ANs, I never know what to write.


	16. Chapter 16 - Admission

Welcome back! Enjoy.

* * *

 **Chapter 16 - Admission**

"I should probably get changed before we walk in," Meredith said.

"Mhm"

"Or I could just walk in like this."

"Mhm."

"I don't want to move."

"Me neither."

"But we have to," Meredith whined.

"I know, let's get this over with," Derek said and got out of their rental car, getting some fresh clothes out of her suitcase, handing them to Meredith. Thanks to the late hour there hadn't been any traffic on the way to the Hopkins. It was 1:30 am on a clear crisp October night and the two exhausted physicians finally made it to their destination.

"Fresh clothes, I finally feel like a human again." Meredith joked as she put on a fresh top, staying in her scrub pants, but at this point, she really didn't care. "Oh wait, I don't because I haven't slept in almost 35 hours. And my head is about to explode. At least look somewhat presentable."

"You still look like hell, which is probably helping our case to get into a room as fast as possible," Derek told her.

"Always charming, right Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith replied and stepped out of the car almost losing her balance.

"And that, too." Derek caught her.

"Let's do this." She whispered.

"Let's do this" he agreed, taking her hand squeezing it, as they walked to the ER entrance.

* * *

It's been one and a half hours since they came into the ER, a nurse conducted the initial assessment, they had been placed in an overcrowded waiting room with lots of sick people, waiting to be seen. They had told her about the headaches, the dizziness, and the numbness. Meredith had ranked her pain high on the pain scale, but still, they were waiting.

"Isn't ironic we are sitting in the ER after we missed admission because I was stubborn enough to work tonight – last night? I have lost my concept of time." Meredith mumbled half asleep on his shoulder. "And for what? To scrub in on three surgeries? To have one of them die on me? To miss our flight? To have to sit here now?"

"Wait you scrubbed in on three surgeries last night?" Derek asked surprised.

"Mhm. It was a very busy night. Now I am starving, but I can't eat. And I would really like to take something for my killer headache, but I can't."

"I know. I'm sorry." He replied, his head resting on her head which was resting on his shoulder. He could imagine how drained Meredith must be, he was exhausted himself and he had a good night's sleep in his own bed. They sat in silence for some minutes, both watching the people in the waiting room. Next to Meredith and Derek sat a group of friends, one of which had their hand wrapped up in a dish towel. Some occupants had visual injuries others seemed perfectly fine. There were multiple people with obvious flu symptoms, they had stirred clear of those. "Is our ER this busy all the time? I only get to see the good cases. I would guess fifty percent of people here tonight could have gone to their primary care provider earlier or could have waited until normal business hours."

"I have no idea, Derek. I'm a surgical resident not a medical. I bet they love us, walking in the middle of the night with consistent headaches for months." Meredith chuckled, "I would hate us." She stated, yawning.

"I would hate us, too." Derek agreed. "But we wouldn't be here if we didn't have a valid reason to be here. It's not like I love spending my free time in a hospital."

"We should have told them that I hit my head, maybe that would have gone quicker." Meredith thought out loud.

"Yeah, how would have that gone down? Sorry, my fiancé hit her head and now she is experiencing pain and numbness. When did that happen? About ten months ago."

"Of course not. I mean on the plane." Meredith whispered. There was a pregnant pause before Derek caught on what Meredith just said.

"Did you really, Mer?"

Meredith had her eyes closed, her head still resting on his shoulder half sleeping. She nodded.

"Really?! Why didn't you say anything?" Derek shifted in his seat.

"I don't know. It was so busy and then we were about to land, and flying is not really helping either and then we had to answer all those questions. I don't really remember or it just slipped my mind."

"That didn't really make any sense. It slipped your mind or don't you remember? Where did you hit your head? How is your pain?..." Derek started.

"Derek, stop with the twenty questions. When you were talking to the captain I was getting up and hit my head on a galley door someone left open, or something. It's all fuzzy. And there was so much going on, so I sat down and waited for the stars to pass and when they did there was just pain. But since I am always in pain, it's not a big difference. But when I think about it my head is kind of sore where it kissed the door." Meredith told him yawning and touching the backside of her head where it connected to her neck.

Derek looked at the woman almost sleeping on his shoulder, she was exhausted and in pain, he knew that before her revelation. But now he was concerned. He didn't know if it was a Meredith avoiding thing or if she really didn't remember hitting her head.

"Oh Mer. You did really well. What a hell of a day." Derek sighed, placing a kiss on her hair. Meredith shifted so she could lay her head on his lap.

"I think, I am going to try to nap now. Can't keep my eyes open any longer." Derek ran his fingers through her hair, gently feeling the spot she touched, assessing if he could feel any differences. There was a definite bump, in a spot that could be concerning for her condition. Meredith was already out like a light.

* * *

"Code Blue ER, Code Blue ER, Code Blue ER." the announcement sounded through the hospital, waking Meredith out of her slumber.

"I am up, I am up. I am coming." Meredith jumped up, looking around disoriented slightly swaying. Derek watched her as she jumped to her feet dangerously close to losing her balance and caught her just in time, pulling her back to her seat.

"It's not for us. It's not for us." Derek told her. "That was close. Let's not do that again, okay? You okay?" Derek asked concerned.

"I am fine," Meredith replied still a little shaken up. He knew she was not fine and that the last bump to her head was probably just worsening her Chiari symptoms, but there was no need to argue about it now. They were already waiting to be admitted, there wasn't a lot more he could do for her. He glanced at the clock in the waiting room, annoyed that they were already waiting for almost two and a half hours without being seen.

"When I said that this was going to be a long night, I was hoping that it would be only a joke." Meredith said, "And now, I am wide awake and full of adrenalin and nerves."

"I am going to ask if they can give us an estimate." Derek said, getting up, "Is it okay, if I get a snack?" Meredith nodded, just because she was NPO, didn't mean he couldn't eat.

Derek came back with some snacks and a bottle of water "They are trying to get us in as soon as possible, but she can't guarantee anything."

* * *

About twenty minutes later they finally got moved out of the waiting room to a bed in the ED. A nurse had taken her vitals and now they were waiting to be seen by an actual doctor, which they needed to convince to page a neurologist. When they managed that they would finally be in the clear after a very stressful unpredictive day.

"At least here we can see some of the action," Meredith said sitting down on the bed watching what was going on around them.

"You seem awfully awake right now." Derek chuckled sitting down next to her.

"That's what happens if your body is conditioned to respond to pages and codes. Give it half an hour, an hour max and I will be dead tired again. This will be most likely the most action we will be getting in the next weeks, so enjoy it while you can, Dr. Shepherd." Meredith said kissing him, "You know Bailey would flip if she could see us like this."

"You are enjoying yourself way too much."

"Oh look, there is a trauma coming in." She said as they rolled a gurney into the trauma room across the hall. "That doesn't look good."

"Yeah, it doesn't," Derek agreed. "Maybe they'll have to page neuro and then they are already here and can admit you." Derek stretched out on the bed.

"I highly doubt it. Looked more like blunt force trauma to the abdomen after a car accident. They are going to need ortho. The neuro guys are soundly asleep in an on-call room about to be woken as soon as someone will see me." Meredith chuckled.

"You are probably correct on that. Got to love those sleeping neurosurgeons," he said snuggling into her closing his eyes. "Wake me if something interesting happens."

Derek was dozing, which was really unusual for a light sleeper like him. Meredith stretched her numb hands while watching the physicians in the room across. A doctor approached her bed.

"Meredith Grey?" the young doctor asked looking for her.

"Yes, that's me."

"Hello Meredith, I'm Dr. Susan Miller. Sorry for the wait, it's been a particularly busy night." Dr. Miller introduced herself.

"Don't worry about it." Meredith smiled at the exhausted resident.

"You are complaining about headaches. On a scale from one to ten, how bad are they? How long has this been going on?"

"I would say an eight to a nine. I have a Chiari malformation and I hit my head tonight." Meredith told her, seeing the confused look of the emergency medicine resident on the face. "It's when part of your cerebellum is extended into your spinal canal. You shouldn't hit your head with that." Meredith clarified, hoping this would make her page neuro sooner.

"Thank you. It's been a really long night. I can't remember the last time I slept" Dr. Miller looked at her gratefully.

"Trust me I know how you feel. How many hours?" Meredith asked.

"Going on 20." Dr. Miller answered spotting Meredith's light blue scrub pants. "I am going to examine you real quickly." She started a standard ER exam. "So what do you do? Do you work here?"

"Oh, no. I work in a different hospital. I am a surgical resident. What gave me away?"

"The Pants. And you still have your hospital ID on them."

"Oh. Thank you. I forgot that I was still wearing them. So much for sleep deprived." Meredith chuckled. Dr. Miller looked at Derek. "He just needs to catch up on some sleep," Meredith told her, trying not to yawn.

"It's really impressive, people normally can't sleep in this environment." Dr. Miller told her, while she was checking her vitals again.

"He has years of training. He is a surgeon and he just came off a long flight." Meredith watched him.

"That explains a lot." Dr. Miller laughed. "So, your vitals seem fine. Your blood pressure is a little low, but nothing to worry about. I am going to page neuro since this Chiari thing is not really my expertise. They should be here shortly."

"Thank you." Meredith laid back down next to Derek snuggling into him. She should have asked for IV-meds but didn't. She always hated it when patients asked for meds before they had been professionally evaluated. Besides a resident couldn't order meds anyways.

It was nearing five o'clock in the morning when the neuro consult finally arrived. Meredith gently nudged Derek in the side to wake him.

"Hey, you want to be awake for this and if I don't wake you, you will be mad," Meredith whispered as Derek sat up, seeing the doctor approaching her bed.

"Hello, I am Dr. Franke and I am your neuro consult." a young doctor with wild curly hair introduced himself. "You must be Meredith Grey, we've been waiting for you." Shaking Meredith's hand.

"Sorry about, that," Derek told him apologetically.

"Don't worry about it." Dr. Franke told them, looking at Meredith's chart. "So, is the hitting the head just part of the story or did that really happen?"

"No, that did happen," Meredith confirmed.

Dr. Franke started his neuro exam, while he small talked with his patient. Derek observed the exams, looking out for potential changes. He could see Meredith struggle squeezing his fingers in the strength part of the exam. Meredith's motor skills never had been affected by Chiari, however often Richard made her do extra neuro exams and skill labs, she never once showed any signs of muscle weakness or impairment in those areas. Dr. Franke didn't seem to notice anything, not that Derek could blame him, never having seen the patient before. He added this to his mental checklist, keeping it to himself to honor the deal he had made with her at the very beginning of this journey. But Derek noticed that Meredith recognized the changes herself.

"So let me guess. You are a resident? I would say third year." Meredith asked Dr. Franke.

"Wow, you're good. It is kind of creepy. How do you know?" Dr. Franke asked surprised.

"I have my ways," Meredith smirked. "Mhm, I would say you merely medical and not surgical."

"You would be correct again." Dr. Franke answered slightly freaked out by now.

"Why not surgery?" Meredith wanted to know.

"I like diagnosing patients, I never been a huge fan of cutting." Derek had to withhold a chuckle at that. Meredith heard his poor attempt at trying to hide his laughter. She knew exactly what he thought about neurologists, they were cowards who diagnosed their patients then sent them off to the surgeons to get them fixed. Apparently, they had found just one of them here.

"Okay, Meredith this is all I need for now. I am going to order some bloodwork. Dr. Welch wanted an updated MRI, but you already knew that. I will get the paperwork ready for the admission. How are you with the pain? Do you need something?"

"Pain meds would be great but I am NPO. And fluids." Meredith told him looking forward to a soon relief.

"Okay, I am going to order that as well."

"Thank you, Dr. Franke." They told him.

* * *

Meredith had her blood drawn and an IV access put in before she had her fourth MRI within the last months. With the meds finally kicking in and the exhaustion taking over, Meredith took a wonderful half hour nap before she was brought back to the busy ER.

It was 6:30 in the morning when Dr. Franke came back with the MRI scans.

"The room will be ready any time after seven, nurses shifts change over then. I know those are considered the pre-op films, that's why I didn't look at them extremely closely. The radiologist put some notes on it" Dr. Franke the neurologist told them.

The statement confused Derek, he had expected that Dr. Franke would at least have an assessment of the scans after they told him that she had hit her head.

"Can I see?" Derek asked Dr. Franke, who looked at him confused, not being introduced as the world-class neurosurgeon he actually was.

"Of course." Dr. Franke handed Derek the film folder. Derek went over the notes, looking for the particular scan the radiologist had referred to.

"May I?" Derek asked pointing at the light box next to the bed.

"Go for it." Dr. Franke stepped aside still confused.

Derek studied the scans in comparison to the initial ones, while Meredith watched as his frown got bigger.

"What is it?" Meredith sat up to look at the scans, this time even slightly losing balance just from sitting up. "Is that…?"

"Yeah" Derek confirmed.

"It changed ... kind of a lot."

"Yeah."

"Well, that sucks."

"Yeah." Derek sighed.

"But it doesn't really change anything considering treatment."

"No, not really."

Dr. Franke was watching his patient and her boyfriend talking about the scans as if they exactly knew what they were talking about. He was a third-year neurology resident and had seen a considerable amount of Chiari cases, he could see that this was Chiari but couldn't necessarily place its severity. He would have signed that case over to the specific clinic. The conversation between the couple intrigued him.

"Mer, please be honest how bad are the pins and needles?"

Meredith adverted her eyes from his gaze, which gave Derek the answer he needed and expected. He took her hands and let her squeeze, noting a significant difference form the last time earlier this week.

"You are breaking the deal, you do know that, right?" Meredith sighed annoyingly.

"I know and I am sorry. I will make it up to you. Can I show him?" He whispered in her ear and Meredith nodded rolling her eyes.

"Dr. Franke, can I show you something?" Derek asked the resident, who nodded and stepped closer. "Could you take her hands again." Dr. Franke took Meredith's hands in his, just like moments ago Derek. "Mer, can you squeeze again." Meredith did just that. "Remember how that feels?" Dr. Franke nodded extremely confused about what was happening. His patient's boyfriend was almost teaching him.

Derek walked around the bed and placing his hands on either side of Meredith's neck, gently lengthening her neck and stabilizing her skull. Meredith sighed in relief as the pins and needles became less and less. After a couple of minutes giving Meredith's brain and spinal cord some time to decompress, Derek asked Dr. Franke to take Meredith's hands again and repeat the exam.

"Can you feel the difference?" Derek asked. Both Meredith and Derek could see the aha-moment in Dr. Franke's face.

"Yes, I actually can. This is amazing. But how did you know?" Dr. Franke smiled.

"Can you get a c-collar and then I can explain," Derek asked. Dr. Franke jumped up to get the required medical equipment.

"Seriously Derek? You are going to collar me? For real?"

"Yes, because, I kind of need my arms and hands for myself, as much as I love you, but I am not going to hold your head until you go into surgery."

"Derek, no! You can't do that. Not my doctor remember? Come on, please!" Meredith protested if she would be more awake and not confined to his grip right that second she would have fought him more on this.

"Necessity Mer. Out of good conscious as a doctor, I can not, not suggest it. I am sorry." Derek apologized kissing her head.

"You are so not sorry. Life lesson: fancy neurosurgeons fiancés can't keep the promise to not be your doctor. Especially if they are smarter than everybody else. I would be so much angrier with you right now if it wasn't actually helping. Still not happy." Meredith frowned making Derek laugh. "Are you ever going to tell him, what you do for a living?"

"I don't know yet." Derek shrugged as Dr. Franke came back with the collar finally releasing Derek from his position. Meredith hated the feeling of being confined in the collar, but it was really helping her symptoms, not the pain in particular but the numbness in her hands. Derek repeated his exam.

"Almost back to normal." He smiled, she glared at him one last time.

"Thank you," Meredith whispered softly. "I love you."

"Love you, too." Derek kissed her lips and got up. Dr. Franke was still standing in their little cubicle still amazed and very much puzzled. "Dr. Franke, come here."

Meredith laid back in her bed, watching Derek as he went over the scans with the resident.

"So I heard you are still down here," Amelia said sitting down on the chair next to Meredith's bed.

"Hey." Meredith smiled, "What are you already doing here? Do you have to work?"

"Nah, I took today off. I thought you could use some company and someone who takes your mind off today. Besides I couldn't sleep anymore." Amelia replied.

"That is really nice, but not necessary. How do you like my new accessory?"

"I've seen, how did that happen?" Amelia asked, watching her brother as well.

"It's a long story. And your stupid brother couldn't stop himself." Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Now he is my brother?!" Amelia laughed, Meredith nodded her head in confirmation. "Okay, and what is my dear brother doing there?"

"He's teaching, again he couldn't hold back. But Dr. Franke here still has no idea what Derek does professionally." Meredith rolled her eyes.

"That's going to be interesting." Both women fell silent, observing Derek.

"That makes all a lot of sense but how do you know? How do you know so much about Chiari? How did you know what to do? Did you do a lot of research about this because of the diagnosis?" a very confused Dr. Franke asked. Amelia had a hard time suppressing her amusement and finally let it out a sarcastic laugh, resulting in the men turning around. "Dr. Shepherd, what are you doing here? I didn't ask for a surgical consult." Dr. Franke didn't understand what was going on and his sleep deprivation wasn't particularly helping.

"Don't worry I know that, Franke. I am just here for my brother and Meredith." Amelia said with a pointed look to Derek. Dr. Franke could shake off his confusion.

"Dr. Franke, I am her brother. And to answer your question, how I know all these..." Derek started to explain.

"Because you have a neurosurgeon in the family. Makes sense." The resident said, making all of them laugh.

"As much as I appreciate that you think my big brother would listen to me, but I am the youngest of five. And they are all doctors." Amelia chuckled.

"Oh come on Amelia, it's not that bad. We value your opinion." Derek teased.

"Value is the point. You listen and then you collectively decide to ignore it." Amelia rolled her eyes. "How do expect me to live up to you?"

"Hey, that is not fair. You followed me into neurosurgery, you could have easily gone into plastics, cardio or orthopedics for all I know."

"You know I hate cardio." Amelia protested.

"If you think living up to Derek is hard, try living up to my mother." Meredith piped in. "Not to mention sleeping with someone the night before your internship starts, who later turns out to be your boss's boss. And then you choose both their specialties." Meredith said sarcastically, shutting up the siblings, sending Derek a flirty look.

"Okay, you win." Amelia laughed.

Dr. Franke was more puzzled than before. "So you are all doctors?"

"Yes."

"All surgeons?"

"Yes."

"All neurosurgeons?"

"Well, he is head of Neurosurgery at Seattle Grace. She is a fellow and I am only a second-year resident. But basically yes." Meredith told him.

"Okay, that makes so much more sense." Just then Dr. Franke's pager went off. "They are ready for you now."

"Great! Let's see where we will spend the next days." Meredith exclaimed faking enthusiasm.

* * *

3/30/19

Welcome to Hopkins. Thank you soooo much for reading the new chapter or all the chapters before. Thank you for following and reviewing, I love reading your thoughts. So please let me know what you think. Have a great weekend.

* * *

On a totally different note, I really hope that the recent voting in the EU commission isn't going to compromise this platform. For all that don't know, the EU just voted on a new copyright law, that basically allows the website that hosts copyright-violating content (also fanfiction, blogs, ...) to be sued for the infringement. Therefore to avoid lawsuits block all EU users from posting. I am really anxious about what is going to happen. DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters are just borrowed and belong to Shondaland and ABC.


	17. Chapter 17 - Almost Time

Welcome back! Please enjoy!

* * *

 **Chapter 17 - Almost Time**

After signing a mountain of documents for insurance purposes Meredith had insisted on walking to her room. The room was on the fifth floor and overlooking the courtyard. It was a nice single room with a hospital bed, an on suite bathroom, a small table with two chairs and a comfy recliner that would double as Derek's bed when he would spend the night. By the time they made it into the room, it was almost 8 o'clock in the morning. In the last 48 hours, Meredith had slept for less than two hours. Amelia had brought Derek the good coffee from the staff coffee machine, while Meredith got hydrated by the bag of fluids hanging on the IV pole beside her bed. She eyed the cup of coffee with a lot of envy. Since they had settled down in the room and the actions had died down, Meredith was a nervous, hangry, exhausted mess. She couldn't sit still because of her nerves, she couldn't really move because of her neck brace plus the tiredness and the starving on top of all of that.

"I would kill for anything eatable right now. I should have eaten more before midnight," muttered Meredith, her stomach audible growling. "And we have nothing to do. Does anybody know what the plan is?"

"We wait and then we will talk to someone and then we will wait some more and then we will probably talk to somebody else and then we will wait again, till they take you back and I will wait," Derek told her, not looking up from his journal he was currently reading.

"Sounds satisfying." Meredith groaned pacing the room as far as the IV tubing allowed her to go before she did the same in the other direction.

"What did you expect? Hospital life is boring as hell if you are not working. Mer, you are a patient, there is not much more to do for now other than wait." Derek watched as she pulled a grimace. "You are going to be the worst patient ever," he told her as she sat down on the bed just to jump up again to continue her pacing through the room once more.

"And you would be any better? Besides I don't really have a lot of patient-practice."

"Says the person, who has been admitted to the hospital as a patient three times alone over the last year." Derek countered.

"That doesn't really count. I was never really a patient, more a colleague in need of some emergent medical treatment. Besides I could sneak some work in if I wanted. I mean like going to a doctor, that wasn't working with your mom. I was sent to school sick if I wasn't dying. And for your info, I never actually was dying." Meredith argued.

The door opened and Amelia entered with some breakfast for herself and Derek. "They about to start rounds but it could be a while. They usually start with the post-op patients in the ICU and work their way down. But I brought you something." Amelia told them tossing something on the bed. "I got you grapes this time, it's a little more challenging. And I really hope it keeps you busy because all this pacing is driving me insane."

"Thanks." Meredith picked up a suture kit and smiled, they didn't know each other very long but apparently, she knew what she needed.

"You never went to a pediatrician?" Derek asked still surprised, taking the first bite of his very healthy breakfast while Meredith started suturing the grapes. The neck brace was challenging since she couldn't move her head as freely as usual. After a couple of tries, she figured it out. The monotone and familiar movements calmed her down.

"No, well at least not in Boston. I don't know about before that. I was at the hospital a lot, just because my mom was always there. I colored on old ER charts in the OR gallery, while my mother operated. I could walk you through an appendectomy by the age of seven. There was nothing normal about my childhood." Meredith told the siblings. She looked up from, the two grapes she was suturing together. Derek looked at his phone frowning. "What is it, Derek?"

"Nothing really, Nelson just sent me an update on Monday's pituitary tumor patient we operated on." He told her.

"Wait, you have Shadow Shepherd sent you updates on your patients?"

"Just the ones, who are still critical. And the department. And it is Dr. Nelson, Meredith."

"Wow, he really does everything you tell him." Meredith laughed.

"Okay before you two go on with this lovey-dovey stuff I have to ask about Shadow Shepherd." Amelia interrupted, who had been sitting on a chair finishing some paperwork.

"Oh Shadow Shepherd is Dr. Nelson, he is the B-Team to McDreamy's A. He is actually a solid surgeon. He's been at the hospital for ages and ever since Derek showed up everyone calls him Shadow Shepherd because he is just in the shadows all the time. And Derek hates it, but it is so true."

"Oh Derek you have your own shadow person, that is adorable. And the nickname, are they really calling you McDreamy." Amelia laughed.

"Thank you, Mer. She is never going to let this go." Derek said sarcastically rolling his eyes. "To get back on track, I have to check on my department, because there are two interns on the Neuro-rotation this week. And they are clearly not the brightest, if not useless."

"Yes, they are useless. We clearly weren't that stupid." Meredith agreed.

"Ahm, cut LVAD wires and stolen hearts, hands-on bombs, drowning, stealing patients, sleeping with attendings, should I continue?" Derek asked raising his eyebrow.

"Hey! Firstly I knew nothing about the LVAD wires or Izzie's plan until I was put in the situation by George and it was far too late. Yes, that was incredibly stupid, but that was all Izzie. And you know that. It was a shit situation and all of us – at least the ones that are still here - learned our lesson." Meredith frowned, she didn't like that her intern group had to deal with the repercussions of Izzie's actions when she just quit and started new. Amelia peaked up from the paperwork that she continued, wondering what was going on in Seattle.

"I know, I know. I am sorry." He sat down next to her on her bed, kissing her head.

"Not fair, the last one is not fair! Other than the Izzie-incident and maybe the patient that we stole from psych, they weren't really my choices. And you forgot Katie Bryce and babies with a heart defect and that was just in the first two weeks. And you were the one who asked the interns for help on our first day." Meredith argued as someone knocked on the door to her room. "Besides we went over this so many times, if I hadn't put my hand on that goddamn ammo, there wouldn't be much left of any of us or the hospital for that matter. You can't blame me for not responding to the code when you didn't either." Meredith glared at him, the bomb incident was a recurring topic for them. Dr. Welch and about ten different residents and med students entered the room.

"Good Morning Meredith, Dr. Shepherd, Amelia. I see we moved on from bananas to grapes." Dr. Welch greeted them with a warm welcoming smile. He was wearing dark slacks and a light dress shirt under his white coat.

"Good morning. Yeah, I don't discriminate when it comes to my fruit objects." Meredith looked at her doctor taking in the scene before her. Meredith had rounded on patients so many times before, in med school as well as during her residency. She had been on the other side, in a patient's room seeing them and their family members while reciting the memorized chart and answering questions about the case. She had never thought about what it would be like from a patient's perspective. It was awkward. On one side she had never rounded with so many people at once, the number alone was quite overwhelming. There were 14 people in the room alone. Derek was sitting on the bed next to her. Amelia sat at the table, that was covered in paperwork. Dr. Welch joked with them over the fruit choice as if it was the most natural thing he ever did, it was very easy to talk to him.

The ten pairs of staring eyes made this experience extremely uncomfortable. It was a mixture of residents and med students. You could tell them apart by the difference in length of their white coats. But also by how they were dressed and how they acted. The med students were properly dressed in dress shirts, ties, and dresses. Meredith remembered the first time when she had been on rotation as a med student, scared to death by the attendings and that she wouldn't make a professional first impression.

Most residents, on the other hand, were wearing green scrubs and sneakers and looked as exhausted as she felt. Meredith could pick out the Alexes, Georges, and Cristinas in the group. Worst of all everyone was staring at her as if she was a zoo animal, expecting faces waiting for something to happen. Meredith swallowed, feeling extremely overwhelmed as they brought a reality to her situation. She was here as a patient to have surgery. She was the patient, surgery hungry interns would do anything to get to scrub into her surgery. Derek could feel her mood change as reality hit her. He took her hand that was resting next to his and squeezing it reassuringly.

"I am glad that you made it. I was a little worried that you would bail on me, again." Dr. Welch told her, full well knowing that she was the one who pushed the surgery before.

"I wasn't about to bail." Meredith started, feeling Derek's skeptical gaze on her back. "Well, there may have been a moment in the last 20 hours, where I may have thought about it, but there was no actual possibility of that happening, so here I am."

"I heard you got stuck in surgery."

"In hindsight, it was probably not the best idea to cover the pit the night before you fly across the country to have surgery yourself. I have a problem." Meredith shrugged.

"This is Dr. Emma Turner, she will assist with your surgery." Dr. Welch introduced a blond short haired doctor in scrubs.

"Good morning." Dr. Turner said. Derek was eyeing her suspiciously, Meredith and Amelia sending him warning looks.

"Dr. Turner, could you please present?" Dr. Welch asked.

"Of course, Dr. Welch. Meredith Grey, 28. Scheduled for posterior fossa decompression surgery due to Chiari Malformation with occurring syringomyelia. Admitted this morning through the ER. Initial neuro evaluation showed increased muscle weakness, especially in the upper limbs. This morning's pre-op MRI scans concluded increased herniation of the cerebellum tonsils and a significant blockage of adequate flow of CSF. Symptoms of weakness and numbness could be reversed with a c-collar. Two syrinxes had been detected in a previous MRI almost four months ago, those have slightly increased as well. Blood work came back fine, no signs of infection. The EKG sent from Seattle Grace showed signs of borderline bradycardia, but nothing too concerning. Meredith is NPO since midnight and otherwise, fit for surgery." Dr. Turner finished her case presentation sending Meredith a warm smile. The day before they had left for the east coast, Meredith had had an EKG which Cristina conducted. Meredith later regretted that decision because Cristina wouldn't shut up about it.

Dr. Welch thanked Dr. Turner and started asking the interns questions regarding the diagnosis and procedure. It was uncomfortable, she was used to answering those questions to get in on a surgery, she knew what Dr. Welch was asking and she understood the answers. That was a blessing and a curse at the same time. She knew the struggle, trying to impress the attending with a fast and correct answer. But blurring out possible complications and difficulties in front of the patient – even when disguised in medical jargon – wasn't necessarily the most professional behavior. She could sense Derek cringing next to her, indicating that felt the same way.

"Okay then. Dr. Turner will come in after we finished rounds for one last exam and vitals, then we should be good to go. I am going to send someone in from anesthesiology, so they can do their thing and get all the information they'll need, you know the deal." Dr. Welch explained, "Do you have any questions?"

"Do you have any idea about the schedule yet?" Meredith asked.

"No, sorry I can't say anything yet. You know how it works with the schedule, it can always change. But I wouldn't expect to be taken back before one or two. I have one more case, before you." Dr. Welch told her. "Anything else?" Meredith and Derek shook their heads. "Okay, then I will see you later in the OR." He told her smiling and reassuringly squeezing her shoulder.

* * *

Half an hour later a knock on the door signaled the anesthesiologist's arrival, who entered the room.

"Hello Ms. Grey, my name is Dr. Harwood and I am here to talk to you about the anesthesia."

"Hello." Meredith greeted the bald broad doctor, who sat down on the chair that had previously been occupied by Amelia. She had gone out to run some errands or so she told them, Meredith strongly suspected she fled the room.

"So are having surgery today. Have you filled out the general anesthesia questionnaire you got with your admission?" Meredith handed him the sheet of paper. "Great, I will go over this sheet with you, just to check if everything is correct. Then I am going to explain what's going to happen for your particular surgery." Dr. Harwood explained.

They went over basic information, such as height, weight, allergies and any previous encounters with general anesthetics, before he went over to the general explanation.

"We are going to give you ..." Dr. Harwood started.

"A mix of inhalation and injections drugs most likely a mix of Propofol and other drugs through an IV. As soon as I drift off into a state of unconsciousness you will intubate me and put me on a ventilator. Before that, I will be attached to a pulse ox, EKG and blood pressure cuff. Because my surgery is on the back of my head, you will have to flip me which could make airway management a little more tricky." Meredith finished trying to speed up the process a little. Derek, who sat in the corner in the typical hospital recliner, skimming through his medical journal, chuckled about her antics.

Dr. Harwood was a little taken aback by her detailed description of what's about to happen to her. Meredith could see that he didn't know how to react to that.

"I am a surgical resident. I see how people are put under general anesthesia on a daily basis. You just have to tell me what you have to tell me so I can sign the consent form." Meredith smiled at him.

"Okay, so you know about the risks?"

"Yes, I do."

"Okay, then I just need you to read this last paragraph and then sign the form." The anesthesiologist told her.

Meredith sighed as she went over the paper placing her signature at the bottom. "Here you go."

"Good luck, Dr. Grey."

"Thank you."

A couple of minutes after the anesthesiologist left, Dr. Turner came back in the room to do her final assessment, checking her vitals and for one last neuro exam.

* * *

It had been a couple of hours since anyone had been in to check on them. Derek was propped up on the hospital bed with Meredith snuggled into his side. He was tracing lazy circles on her arm. They had napped for an hour, waiting for something to happen.

"Derek, can I please take off the collar?" Meredith whispered. "I really want to spend some quality time with you. Just being you and me, without this stupid plastic collar."

Derek looked at his exhausted fiancé next to him, Meredith had been a nervous wreck ever since she stepped out of the OR hours ago but especially since they had entered Hopkins. He had finally got her into bed to calm down a little. Derek didn't particularly like her request from a medical standpoint but having known Meredith for over a year now, he knew her tendency to run from certain situations. Weighing the options, taking off the collar at this point would do less physical damage than emotional stress by denying her, her request.

"I think, you could do that," Derek told her earning him a big smile. Meredith enthusiastically ripped off the collar throwing it to the floor. She moved her head from side to side smiling.

"I hate that thing. It made it better but I still hate it." She announced.

"Come here," he said opening his arms shooting her a McDreamy smile. Meredith laid her head on his chest hugging his body. "How are you?" Derek asked wrapping his arms around her tiny body.

"Derek, I am fine," Meredith said. "But how are you?"

"I am exhausted and tired of waiting and I feel helpless, extremely helpless," Derek grumbled. "You know, I never had this situation before in my medical career. The helplessness of knowing what to do but not being able to do it." Derek kissed Meredith's hair.

"I know," Meredith whispered. "I know. It's going to be fine, Derek."

"I love you," Derek said into her hair.

"I love you, too." Meredith smiled hearing his familiar heartbeat. Minutes in silence passed by, the two of them just being with each other. Meredith's eyes kept getting heavy until she fell into a light slumber. Derek continued stroking her side as he felt her breathing pattern change.

Moments later the door opened and Amelia slipped back into the room. Derek put his finger to his mouth, signaling her to be quiet pointing at Meredith.

"I just talked to an OR nurse and they said that they would be ready in about thirty minutes," Amelia whispered sitting back down on the chair. "I just thought you wanted to know."

"Thank you," Derek said quietly. "I'll give her a couple more minutes. So what were you up to?"

"Just went home and did some things. I wanted to give you two some time together. You really do love her, don't you?" Amelia stated flipping through a magazine.

"Yes. I really do love her." Derek said looking at the sleeping Meredith. "She is special, in her own very stubborn way. It can be infuriating, constantly fighting against windmills, while she stands her ground. You two are very similar, in a strange way. Do you know we live with roommates? She takes in strays and lets them live with us. Amy, I'm one of the best neurosurgeons in the country and I live in a residents frat house. The thing is, I wouldn't want to change it. My life has changed a lot since I left New York. It feels like a lifetime ago that I did." Derek looked up at his sister.

"You seem happy. Are you happy, Derek?" Amelia asked.

Derek kept silent for a minute before answering his sister's question. "Yes, I am. I really am," Derek smiled.

"That's good. You haven't been happy for a while." Amelia stated smiling at the two of them.

Meredith smiled into his chest, having heard the end of their conversation. She opened her eyes, propping up her chin on his torso. "Hey," she said. "Sorry I fell asleep."

"Hey," Derek said kissing her. "It's almost time."

"Oh, already?" Meredith asked.

"Mer, it's almost two."

"Already? Feels like eleven."

"That would because of the jetlag." Derek laughed.

"Right, god I am so stupid." Meredith laughed burying her face in his body.

"Time flies when you are having fun." Amelia laughed.

"I should probably get changed." Meredith sat up taking the hospital gown and the socks from the nightstand walking to the bathroom.

"Do you need any help?" Derek asked.

"I got it, Derek," Meredith told him.

Meredith came back, dressed in a hospital gown. "How do I look?" she asked posing for Derek holding the back of her gown together not to flash Amelia. "Last time I was high as a kite and I don't remember anything."

"Oh, I remember." Derek laughed. "You look beautiful as always."

A knock on the door disturbed their happy couple bubble. A perky young nurse walked in.

"I am sorry to interrupt. My name is Tori, I am supposed to prep Meredith for surgery and take her back." she looked up, seeing Meredith standing in the middle of the room already dressed. "Good, you've already changed. Let me tie that up for you and then you got to wear this very fashionable hair cap. And we need to kick your mister out of your bed." Tori said happily as she tied the gown in the back.

"No ferry boats, that's disappointing." Meredith smiled. "Did you hear, Cristina is not the only one kicking you out of my bed." Putting the cap on, tugging all her long dirty blonde hair under it.

"Yeah, but Yang kicks me out of our bed. Big difference." Derek helped Meredith on her bed.

"Okay, I have so many questions," Tori said, looking at the both of them. "But we don't really have time. But the next days. Do you already have an IV-access?"

"Yes, and I made sure it's in the right position."

"Okay, I guess then we are ready to go. Time to say goodbye." Tori said undoing the break of her bed.

"Can I come? Please? Just in front of the OR door?" Derek asked, sending her McDreamy smile to Tori, who looked at him skeptically raising her eyebrows.

"Just let him go as far as you can let him. I'll have to spend the next hours with him. Just give him some control." Amelia uttered.

"Please." Derek charmed.

Tori sighed, "I am going to get you a gown and shoe covers. I am going to get in so much trouble for this." She left the room coming back a minute later handing the gown to Derek, "Just don't be noticeable."

"Thank you." Derek smiled as they pushed the bed out of the room.

"Is he always like this with the nurses?" Amelia wanted to know.

"Yes." Meredith rolled her eyes. "Who can say no to that smile?"

"Last time I checked, you couldn't say no either," Derek told her with a wink.

"I'll see you later, Meredith. It's going to be fine." Amelia said.

"I'll see you later. And Amelia please make sure he doesn't go crazy. I need him to stay sane." Meredith whispered to Derek's sister.

He took her hand as they rolled her down the hallway until they reached the doors to the restricted surgical wing.

"This is the normally the part where you have to say goodbye, but I'll make an exception," Tori said as she pushed Meredith through the door into the OR hallway.

"I have to say I'm not really surprised that you get to come. You talked Bailey into sitting in on my appendectomy. Thank you." Meredith squeezed his hand giving him a very grateful look. As much as he needed to be there with her, she needed him to be there as well.

"Thank you, Tori, I got it from here. I am Matt, I am one of the anesthesia nurses." He picked up the chart, reading through it. "You are Meredith Grey, 28 and you are here for what procedure?"

"Posterior fossa decompression through a suboccipital craniotomy," Meredith told Matt.

"You did your homework, apparently," Matt observed, making Derek and Meredith laugh.

"Something like that." Meredith agreed.

"And you are?" Matt asked Derek.

"Dr. Shepherd said to take him as far as possible and something about giving him some control and that she had to spend the next hours with him." Tori filled him in sharing confused looks.

"Okay then, let's get you in the OR." Matt started pushing her bed to the OR. Derek grabbed a surgical mask from the nearby scrub station and started tying it. Matt looked at him weirdly and Meredith just smiled at the familiar scene. In the OR Meredith was transferred to the table and asked again for what procedure she was here for.

The OR was so familiar, the smells and instruments and the light and Derek but yet everything was so different. She was strapped to the table, hooked up to some fluids and some premeds which made her feel pretty loopy. Matt connected the leads, the pulse oximeter, and the blood pressure cuff, while he talked to them and other people in the room. Meredith looked around the room, not being able to move much.

"Great there is a gallery and there are already people. Why are there people? It's not like a really interesting tumor resection." Meredith groaned.

"It's okay, they don't know you. You are just a patient." Derek calmed her down. "I love you and you are going to do great."

"God, I really want to cut," Meredith exclaimed out of the blue, making Derek laugh.

"Says the woman, who scrubbed in on five surgeries the last 48 hours. I promise the first exciting surgery after your recovery is yours."

"Thank you." Meredith smiled.

Derek leaned down kissing her. "I love you, too."

"At least I don't have to worry about George."

"Why would you have to worry about George?"

"I don't know, why would I? He is in Seattle."

"I know. That's why I am asking." Derek laughed.

"Did yesterday really happen? Did I really place the chest tube?"

"Yes, yesterday happened."

"Weird, I guess it was a beautiful day to save lives. Derek, you are soo dreamy." Meredith giggled as Derek rolled his eyes. He was happy that she wasn't as nervous as before but he had a hard time keeping up with her jumping conversation. He could have sworn that she had had some morphine.

"Meredith, good to see you." Dr. Welch stepped into the OR.

"Dr. Welch!" Meredith exclaimed. "I want to cut!"

"She gets like this when she is on morphine," Derek told his colleague.

"Dr. Shepherd, what are you doing here?"

"Um, ..." Derek started stuttering.

"Surgeons don't say 'um', Derek. If you want to be a surgeon talk like one. He charmed his way into the OR like he always does." Meredith told her surgeon smiling.

"Ah, I see." Dr. Welch said.

"Don't worry I'll be out of your way as soon as she is under."

"Take your time. I'm going to go scrub in. I'll see you two after." Dr. Welch put a reassuring hand on her shoulder once again.

"Thank you." Meredith mouthed.

As soon as Dr. Welch has left the OR, the anesthesiology team started getting busy.

"Okay, Meredith we are ready to start." The anesthesiologist stated. Derek took Meredith's hand, while the mask was put over her face asking her to breathe in deeply. "I am going to give you the first drug, that will make you feel a little drunk, let me know when you feel that." Meredith nodded, anxiously waiting for the feeling to kick in, while Derek was tracing his thumb over the back of her hand. And then the feeling came, like a shot of tequila. She nodded again looking at Derek.

"I want you to concentrate on your breathing, Meredith." She did as she was told, anxiously waiting for the darkness to come and dreading it at the same time, but before she could form a coherent thought, her eyes became very heavy and the darkness took over her body.

* * *

4/6/19

Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it. Please let me know what you think, I love reading your reviews. Thank you to everyone who stayed with my story so far and took the time to review, I really do appreciate it.


	18. Chapter 18 - Waiting Game

Welcome back!

* * *

 **Chapter 18 - Waiting Game**

It had been under two hours since Derek left Meredith in the OR in the hopefully capable hands of another neurosurgeon. At this moment he cursed his medical education, especially in this particular field. He could go through the surgery step by step in his head, knowing where possible complications could appear and what difficulties could be faced in Meredith's case. And he hated it. Thinking about the most important person in his life laying there with her head fixated in the device so they will be able to access the site. Thinking about how they will remove part of her skull and probably also the bony part of the C1 vertebrae. Not speaking of the possibility that an orthopedic spinal surgeon would potentially do a partial spinal fusion if there was too much instability. He had shown Callie her scans – without actually telling her what they were about – getting her professional opinion. They had had a conference call with Dr. Welch and an orthopedic spinal surgeon about the surgical plan and possible issues they could run into. Normally this wasn't how medical information would be discussed with patients, but nothing was normal procedure about any of this.

He knew he had to stop himself from thinking about complications but he had a hard time doing so. Dr. Welch was an excellent surgeon, one of the best worldwide concerning complicated Chiari surgeries. His track record for this particular surgery was remarkable, with an outstanding success rate even with complicated cases. Derek wasn't concerned about a bad outcome.

As much as surgery was a team sport, working together as a team to save a patient, surgeons tended to have trust issues. As a med student, you are trained from day one not to trust anyone but yourself. The only instincts you could count on are your own. It was not surprising that some surgeons could only operate with one particular scrub nurse. So as a neurosurgeon giving up control over a loved one, handing them to another neurosurgeon and trusting in the abilities of others than your own was almost unbearable.

Derek sat in the waiting area by himself while Amelia got some food for them. Looking around the room he saw the other people waiting on their loved ones. He could see the fearful and nervous faces while they waited on good news from the surgeons. Knowing the statistics not everyone in this waiting room would get the good news they were hoping for tonight.

Derek was used to doing something and just sitting there waiting for the time to pass was close to his personal hell. He could stand in the OR for hours just staring at a spine or a brain just thinking and he would be perfectly content. Here he had no brains or spines just a typical hospital waiting room with anxious people, freeing up massive amounts of brain space to worry about Meredith, which made him an anxious waiting person.

Derek had brought a research paper to the east coast that he had been working on over the past weeks. In the first hour of waiting he had tried to continue but had failed miserably.

It's been over 72 hours since he had been the surgeon in the OR, that loved ones waited for. In the last 72 hours, his role had changed completely. From doctor to a family member. He had stopped operating two days before their departure date, to see his patients through the initial recovery period and in case they needed to go in again he as the initial operating surgeon was available. He liked to follow up on his patients, be thorough to make sure he did everything that would assure a smooth recovery. He liked to double check, be in control. Surgeons were control freaks with a consisting lingering paranoia.

To give his brain something to do, other than staring at the people and wondering how their day would turn out, he decided to call Seattle Grace to make sure his department was running smoothly.

* * *

Back in Seattle some of the residents had been acting stranger than usual. Cristina had scrubbed in on a valve replacement procedure not as enthusiastically as she normally would have. George was on the Chief's service but hadn't quite his head in the game. After a rather boring week on Mark's service, Alex had convinced Arizona to let him back with the kids. He still wasn't convinced that paeds was where he belonged but it was surely much better than plastics. He had a run in with some worried parents earlier today and since then he wasn't allowed near the 'tiny human makers' until he figured out how to better behave himself. Whenever either George or Alex ran into Cristina, they would ask her if she had any news about Meredith. It was driving her insane since she hadn't heard from her person for the past 24 hours. She was contemplating to just call Derek and yell at him for keeping her in the dark for so long, but then again she was too busy to actually find the time do it. The other residents and interns were confused about the giddy mood between the friends.

Lexie Grey was sitting at the nurses' station, finishing up charts for Cristina who was standing close by doing the same task half-heartedly. Derek had tried to call Cristina when he had left the surgical wing, but his call went straight to voice mail.

"Three, make yourself useful and pick up the damn phone," Cristina yelled at her intern, she had been in a mood the entire day.

Lexi had known for some time that Cristina tended to be a rather mean person but today was especially bad. To not be in her warpath any more than she already was by pure existence, she picked up the phone making herself known.

"Of course, let me just check the chart. Give me a second. ... ICP and other vitals look good. She was moved to the step-down unit about an hour ago. ... Seems to be fine as well. ... Of course Dr. Shepherd." Lexie conversed on the phone when Cristina registered to whom she was talking.

"Is that Shepherd?" she wanted to know, Lexie nodded in agreement. "Three, hand over the phone." Christina reached for the phone taking it from her intern.

"Shepherd, why haven't you called me? I haven't heard anything from either of you since you left Seattle." Cristina barked in the receiver.

"Hello, Cristina. Thank you for asking about my well-being. I am a little tired, I haven't slept all night and I left Meredith in the hands of another neurosurgeon hours ago, so I am doing just great. Cristina, I called you hours ago and it went straight to voice mail and I texted you, so this is not on me." Derek took a deep breath, reminding him that Meredith and Cristina only came in a package. So because he loved the further he had to deal with the latter.

"Then my phone must have died. I am sorry for assuming, I am not on top of my game today. Please just fill me in, Derek."

"Relax, me neither. We haven't slept all night. There were some minor complications with our flight, long story short she hit her head again complicating things in a good old Meredith fashion..." Cristina listened intently as Derek explained everything that happened since they came to Hopkins when Alex and George walked up to the nurses' station. Cristina had a frown on her face, take it up with Meredith for making everything a little more complicated than it needed to be.

"Who are you talking to?" Alex wanted to know. Cristina shooing him away with her free hand.

"Okay, I am sorry." He fake apologized.

"She is talking to Shepherd. He just called in to get an update on his patients and Dr. Yang took over the call." Lexie explained the two residents, who all of the sudden seemed really interested in the conversation leaning in as close as possible to Cristina. Lexie knew that Meredith and Derek just left the hospital for an extended period of time, without anyone really knowing what they were doing. Rumors had it that they would be on some luxurious vacation, but seeing the reaction of Meredith's friends, Lexie began to doubt the rumor. She had thought that she had made a little progress with Meredith and their relationship, but apparently, they were up to something bigger. And she wouldn't rest until she knew what was going on.

"… we had to put her in a c-collar early this morning so we could restore some CSF flow for the time being ..."  
"What do you fools think you are doing? You are here to work and not socialize." Bailey's voice was heard from across the hallway. "Go and save some ..." The three residents shhed her midsentence earning them a very stern Bailey look. "Grey, why aren't they listing to me?"

"They are talking to Shepherd or Meredith for all I know," Lexie explained very confusedly about the pieces of the conversation she had picked up. To her surprise the small fierce chief resident reacted just as the others did when they heard Shepherd was on the phone, leaning in to catch a little of the conversation.

"What does he say?" Bailey wanted to know.

"They took her back about two hours ago. Should be another two hours before she will be done. I haven't got any update yet and Amelia is no help either." Derek told Cristina addressing the last part to his sister, who just came back. "Hold on Cristina."

"What is he saying?" Bailey asked again.

"I'll fill you all in a second, could you give me some room to breathe." Cristina requested shoving them away, as she heard Derek talking to his sister.

"Come on Cristina." Alex pressured as Cristina moved her head in Lexi's direction shutting them up. Just then Derek was back on the phone updating her about what Amelia just told him.

"Thank you, Derek. So, two more hours? Okay. Can you keep me updated?... Yes, I'll have my phone on me this time. ... And Derek? Get some sleep you sound exhausted ... I will. Bye." Cristina finished the conversation and everyone was talking to her asking questions.

"She has been in for two hours now. So far everything looks good." Cristina told them.

"What else did he say?" George asked.

"I can't really tell you out here in detail. Just how far along they are so far." Cristina told him. Their little meeting hadn't gone unnoticed and more and more hospital staff was lingering around the nurses' station.

"What's going on with Shepherd and Meredith?" Lexie asked.

"Nothing, why should there something going on?" Cristina played dumb, but not satisfying Lexie.

"Well now that you all know, that everything is going according to plan, you can go back to work and save some lives. And if you have nothing to do, Mr. Peters in 2345 needs a dressing change. Mr. Williams in 2356 needs a rectal exam and Mrs. Kim in 2228 has a real nasty abscess that needs draining." Bailey said relieved to know that one of her best residents was doing okay. She had a soft spot for all her remaining interns, no matter how annoying they could be. With this revelation, the old Bailey was back. It was amazing what influence Bailey still had over her former interns, who as soon her threat left her mouth were on their way to their respected units.

Lexie was not about to let the matter go, she was determined to find out what was going on and to get the information she was willing to deal with Cristina.

"Dr. Yang, what is doing on with Meredith?" Lexie hurried after Cristina, who sent her an annoyed look. "Oh, come on. She is my sister."

Cristina knew the last thing Meredith and Derek wanted is that everyone found out what they were doing during their alleged vacation. On the other hand, she also knew that Lexie wouldn't be satisfied with anything but a plausible explanation. Cristina had seen her determination when she tried to get to know her sister. There was no way that she would just forget what she had heard and move on. Weighing her options Cristina walked to the closest supply closet, signaling her to follow her.

"Let's go in here. I really don't want to discuss this out there where the gossip mill is rolling."

"Okay," Lexie started to get confused.

"I am going to tell you something and if anything I say leaves these four walls, you will be on scut for the rest of your intern year. Are we clear?"

"Yes! Yes of course."

"Meredith and Derek are not on some fabulous vacation as everyone thinks. They are in Baltimore at Hopkins where Meredith is having posterior fossa decompression surgery right now." Cristina stated.

"What?! What is going on? Why is she having decompression surgery?" Lexie asked.

"Because Meredith has Chiari," Cristina explained rolling her eyes, she wasn't really in the mood to go into all the details. "Meredith doesn't want anyone to know. So you can't walk around the hospital asking what is going on. They took her in about two hours ago and Derek thinks that she will be done in about two hours." Cristina told her shocked intern and left the supply closet without any more information. Lexie was relieved that she finally had some clarity, but she was also hurt to be left in the dark and concerned about her newly found sister's health.

* * *

Before Amelia would get some food she had snuck into the gallery to sneak a peek at Meredith's surgery. The gallery was packed for some reason, which irritated Amelia. She stepped closer to the window to get a better look at what was happening down in the OR. But her glance down didn't show any significance. Dr. Welch had already done the suboccipital craniotomy and just finished the laminectomy. Next, he would open up the dura and start shrinking the herniated cerebral tonsils. She had expected them to be further along than they actually were. The surgical stream seemed clear as well. Everything seemed to be going according to plan, why was the gallery so packed? She turned to one of the residents sitting close to her asking. "Why are you all up here?"

"Dr. Welch is doing a posterior fossa decompression." The resident answered not looking up.

"I know, I can see that. But why is every neurosurgical resident in this hospital that isn't currently scrubbed into surgery in this gallery watching a pretty routine procedure?"

"Routine? Have you seen the scans? There is nothing routine about this." A different resident said.

"I don't know what she did, but this is not just a normal case, there had to be some trauma involved. The entire C1 vertebra was messed up. That was an unexpected surprise."

"I wonder how much nerve damage there is. I bet there was almost no feeling left in the hands." A male intern piped in.

"Don't you all have jobs to do?" Amelia asked, looking at the monitor in the gallery. It didn't surprise her that Meredith's case was challenging after she had seen her first set of scans she had seen the difficulties. When Derek and Meredith talked about them, it was almost like it was the simplest case they had seen and a nice challenge. She knew that Dr. Welch had studied her scans for the last weeks to come up with the best surgical plan. He had hand-picked the best resident for the case. In all the conversations and on rounds the severity of the condition was always downplayed. She knew that Derek was one of the best neurosurgeons in the country and he apparently found a just as talented girlfriend. Amelia turned around leaving the gallery. Before she made her way back to the waiting room to face her anxiously waiting brother, she stopped by the cafeteria for some food and the neurosurgery attendings' lounge to get some coffee.

"The surgical waiting room is the most depressing place in this hospital," Amelia said as she filled two to go cups with steaming hot coffee. "I need something to keep my brother busy so he doesn't drive me insane. At this point, I am open to any suggestions."

"Your brother is in town? What is he here for, something exciting?"

"I didn't know you had a brother, Shepherd," one of the attendings said. "What is he capable of doing?"

"Really?" Amelia asked stunned. "Well, he is sitting in a waiting room, so that limits his abilities to a specific location but other than that anything."

"No, I mean what is his qualification? What does he do for a living?" the attending asked.

"He is a … neurosurgeon at Seattle Grace." Amelia replied slowly, not sure the question was meant seriously.

"Seattle Grace overtook us in the ranking for the best neurosurgery teaching hospital. Apparently, they have a really great new head of the department there. We have some serious competition there, and you have someone on the inside." Amelia laughed, looking around the room, looking for a hidden camera. She had assumed that who her brother was, was common knowledge by now. And he was known, especially on the east coast and he had published a couple of times.

"Well, I highly doubt I will have any luck with that."

"Come on Shepherd. Wait, isn't their chief's name Shepherd as well?"

"So what if it is?"

"Is he pacing?" a fellow fellow asked.

"No, he stopped that about an hour ago. And now he just sits there and stares at the other people. So do you have anything or do I need to get creative?"

"No, I am sorry. I am sure you'll figure something out."

"Thanks for the help I really appreciate it," Amelia responded sarcastically took the two cups and made her way back to the waiting room.

When she entered Derek was on the phone with someone updating them on Meredith. She updated him on what she had learned in the gallery which he forwarded to the other person on the phone. After he hung up Amelia handed him a sandwich and a cup of coffee, which he took gratefully.

"I tried to bring you something to keep your mind of Meredith's surgery, but I couldn't find anything. And I didn't think you would appreciate fruit, the way Meredith does." Amelia told him after a while. Derek started laughing. "And I just had the most bizarre conversation in the attendings' lounge. Apparently, Seattle Grace has this new hotshot head of neurosurgery and they overtook us in the ranking this year. Then one of my colleagues wanted me to ask you for some insides, you know since you work there. So what is your secret?"

"You can tell your colleague that the chief of neurosurgery has forbidden me to talk about anything particular." Derek laughed, "They haven't figured out that we are related yet?"

"Not yet. It's a matter of time before they do." Amelia replied.

"Maybe Meredith is right, we aren't the most observant people outside our filed. Some would even say brainless."

According to the estimated duration for Meredith's surgery should she be done in an hour. So far there had been no news other than what Amelia told him. Derek watched as the people in the waiting room rotated. Surgeons came in and talked to the families, surgeons left with families, new families sat down and waited but the waiting room had significantly emptied over the last hour. They had moved to one of the couches in the waiting room. Amelia had spread out taking up most of the space, Derek had stretched out his legs in front of him, his eyes closed. He was glad that Amelia was there by his side. They had talked, she had told him about her last year the ups and downs of her fellowship. He had told her about Seattle, his land and his plan to build a house. It was nice to catch up, their relationship had been strained the last years. He had left New York in a hurry with not much of a goodbye. He had rebuilt his life on the other side of the country and moved on. Most of his sisters couldn't understand why he did what he did, so his check-ins had been sporadical.

Some TV news station was playing in the background, unnoticed by the sibling pair.

"How long has it been?" Amelia asked.

"Going on almost five hours." he sighed frustrated running his hands through his hair.

"You look like crap," Amelia said.

"Well, thank you very much." he laughed.

"You are very welcome." Amelia joined him.

By now the waiting room was almost empty, only one lonely couple was waiting alongside them. There was movement in the almost empty waiting room, probably another doctor coming in for an update. Amelia looked up and saw Dr. Welch approaching them. She nudged Derek in the side, who opened his eyes looking at Meredith's surgeon.

"Dr. Shepherd…"

* * *

4/20/19

Welcome to all who have newly discovered my story over since my last update. To all my returning readers welcome back. I am back. Sorry for not updating last Saturday, I was working the entire week and had no time to get a new chapter up. We have a whole chapter dedicated to waiting, as well as some Seattle Grace. We can't forget the other cast members. I hope you enjoyed this update, let me know what you think. Your reviews keep me going, I absolutely love reading them. Thank you to all who take a minute out of their day and review.

Happy Easter weekend, may the Easter bunny hide many eggs.


	19. Chapter 19 - Awake

Welcome back!

* * *

 **Chapter 19 - Awake**

"And we are done here. Great work everybody," Dr. Welch announced, he had just placed the last stitch. Every patient brought something unique to the table, a child, a single mother, a college graduate with a drive to change the world, a dancer or a human rights lawyer. There was always something special about the person on the table in front of him and he tried to remember that before he started operating, in order to not forget that no surgery was routine even when it was for him. Dr. Welch stepped away from the table. "Dr. Turner, I'll go talk to the family. Can you please make sure to medicate with Lorazepam and Zofran." The headlamp was taken off by a scrub nurse, he deposited the surgical gown in the bin and walked out of the OR into the scrub room.

As he did his scrubbing out routine he thought about the surgery. He had just spent the last four and a half hours in surgery fixing one of the more complex Chiari cases he had seen. Not only was the case surgically challenging but there was also so much more to this. He had just operated on the daughter of his former teacher, as much as he despised Ellis Grey as a person, he had to respect her for all she did for the medical community.

Then there was the fact that his patient was the girlfriend of a well-respected colleague. Not just another physician – which would have been a challenge in itself since doctors were known as the worst patients - another neurosurgeon. He had an understanding of what his colleague might have gone through emotionally the last hours. He had luckily never been in a similar situation himself. He had had situations where he had been a living nightmare to the physicians of his kids when they broke bones or had their tonsils removed, but he never had the certain skillset needed and was unable to use it. This was every surgeons' worst nightmare. Over the last few months, they had formed a professional relationship not only because of Meredith's case but also between the two neurosurgery departments regarding other patients.

And then there was Meredith, his patient. The fierce talented surgical resident was the most stubborn patient he had ever met over his career. When he had met her for the first time, he had been amused and slightly impressed. Later he had learned how she had mastered the art of avoidance and stubbornness. Over the last months, they had many phone calls to check in, because her case was so unique. He remembered one particular call a month before her initially scheduled surgery. It had been one of their regular phone checkups when she suddenly announced that they would have to push the surgery back to an unknown date in the future. She had not given him a reason at all but was adamant that it needed to be done. He hadn't had a chance to argue against it before she had ended the call.

He often encountered patients that were hesitant to go forward with the surgery he suggested, often because of various reasons all concerning the lack of knowledge. He would educate them about the risks and benefits and speak a recommendation based on the severity of the case. They would weigh the risks and benefit and would come to a conclusion.

There was no question whether Meredith needed the surgery or not. Her physical presentation varied so much from what the imaging study had shown. She had been extremely lucky so far but it could change with the blink of an eye. He had been puzzled because he had thought that she as a neurosurgical resident would understand the significance of the surgery. Now he knew that she most certainly did and that there must have been some other reason for her decision. Later that night he had called Derek to ask about the recent development. To say that Derek was shocked, angry and annoyed would be a gross understatement. The next day they had agreed to postpone the surgery under certain strict conditions. Other than giving Derek the authority to check Meredith's neurofunction whenever he seemed necessary and ordering treatments, they had established the latest possible date for the procedure to be done without Meredith losing her surgical clearance. Said date was a week from today.

When Dr. Welch had gotten the message that Meredith had been stuck in surgery, he couldn't say he was really surprised. He had anticipated something like that happening. And he couldn't really blame her, they all had been there. In residency excited to cut when an opportunity opened up. Willing to work yourself in the ground for more hours in the OR, for more hours being able to learn and gain knowledge. Ignoring all signs of exhaustion to come out on top. But the truth was their health had priority, in order to best treat their patients they first needed to take care of themselves and the current system didn't really promote that, especially not in the surgical field.

Dr. Welch dried his hands with the surgical towel, he watched as they transferred Meredith onto a bed. The surgery was done, it had been more challenging than he had anticipated, but nothing he hadn't planned for. They were able to avoid the dreaded spinal fusion, which was great news. He and his trusted spinal surgeon colleague had worked tirelessly on fixing the damage while reversing the effects and giving as much stability without external manipulation. Towards the end of the surgery, Meredith's blood pressure started to trend down and her heart rate began to become inconsistent. Signs that they needed to come to an end and give her some time to recover.

Early on he had decided that he would be the one talking to Meredith's family. He had this overwhelming feeling that he owed a detailed explanation and recount to his colleague. He would want the same from his family member's surgeon if it ever came to it. Dr. Turner would be in charge of transferring Meredith to the PACU and get her situated.

Dr. Welch walked into the almost empty family waiting room. Talking to an anxious waiting family was one of the most difficult parts of being a physician no matter what the outcome was. Doctors often needed to be reminded to translate their doctors' jargon into traditional English so the other party would be able to understand and grasp the reality of the situation.

In this particular situation, he was grateful that he didn't have to translate or sugarcoat the complicated procedure so that his patient's family would be able to understand what he was telling them.

* * *

Derek had been relieved when he saw Dr. Welch entering the surgical waiting room, knowing that Meredith was now out of surgery. Dr. Welch sat down and recounted the four and a half hour procedure to the sibling pair. Derek took in the big picture and all the small little details. Besides some minor hiccups towards the end, everything went very well. Some of the tension he felt ever since he had seen her initial scan back in June left his body. The first step was taken, he had managed to get her into surgery and Dr. Welch had seen her through. As relieved as he was, he knew their journey was just beginning. Now came the recovery process, weeks of physical therapy and taking it easy. There was no going back now.

They had to wait and see if Meredith's symptoms would lessen over time to fully deem the surgery a success.

After a brief but detailed conversation, Dr. Welch left the sibling pair in the waiting room to check on Meredith for a quick initial post-op checkup before he would hand her over to the on-call team. Amelia made sure that Derek got at least something small to eat before she would accompany him to Meredith in the PACU.

* * *

The open layout of the PACU allowed perpetual monitoring of the post-op patients until they were ready to be transferred to their respected unit. A big glass cubical was located in the middle of the unit, hosting the nursing staff. The patient's cubicles wrapped around the walls across the nurses' station. The windowless unit was brightly lit by fluorescent light. There were no doors, colorful curtains separated the recovering patients from the busy outside of the unit. Thin walls separated the patients from each other.

Amelia granted Derek access to the PACU with her hospital badge. They walked through the unit pretty much unnoticed among the busy hustle of a major hospital's recovery wing. They had a little trouble finding Meredith's little curtained-off section. Amelia quickly assured herself that Meredith was doing okay and that Derek had everything he needed, before heading home to get some much needed alone time before she would be back at work tomorrow.

Derek thoroughly disinfected his hands with the hand sensitizer outside her room. The smell was so familiar and so was the act of using it. Just the part where he sat down on the only available chair looking at Meredith was very much out of the ordinary.

Meredith was very pale. Her face was slightly swollen from facing down so long, small red marks indicated where the fixation device had been placed and secured. She was still very much asleep, he doubted that she had been conscious since leaving the OR. She was lying flat on her back, pillows on either side of her supporting her. She was still connected to all the necessary monitors. Fluids and medication were administered through the IV in Meredith's hand. Someone – a nurse probably – had put her hair up in a messy bun keeping the wound clear. Meredith was sleeping peacefully, the nasal cannula provided her with oxygen so she had an easier time breathing.

Derek was more than happy and relieved to see her. He finally had some control in making sure she was okay. He had occupied the uncomfortable plastic chair leaning forward holding her hand, gently rubbing his thumb over her dry knuckles, the monitors always in his sight. Every two minutes the buzzing of the blood pressure cuff was heard, signaling a new reading. Every time her blood pressure scratched the borderline to hypotension. Every time he heard the familiar buzzing he expected the alarm would go off, simultaneously alerting the nursing staff, so far it hadn't happened yet. Her heart rate would speed up one minute just to drop below 70 the next. Derek didn't like this development, but he wasn't necessarily surprised by it, after the last stressful days he kind of expected her to hit a wall at some point. He took the irregular beeping of the monitors over the sound of a flatline anytime.

About five minutes into his visit a grey-haired sternly looking nurse ushered into Meredith's cubical to check on her. She was a little taken aback by Derek's presence.

"What are you doing here? Family members are not supposed to be here. You need to leave so we can do our jobs. Without someone breathing down our necks." She snapped at Derek.

"Dr. Welch assured me…" Derek began explaining just to be interrupted again.

"Yes, yes. The old 'the surgeon said excuse'. I've heard it all before. I don't think he really meant it like that. Who let you in any way?"

"Dr. Shepherd. And I am pretty sure that I didn't misinterpret…" Derek tried to argue, quickly growing frustrated when he was interrupted again. All he wanted to do was be with Meredith.

"She isn't even on the case. I need to ask you to leave Mr. ... What's your name?" She went over to the monitor, checking the vitals, scribbling them down on Meredith's chart.

"Dr. Shepherd. And …" Derek sighed just to be disturbed again.

"I know that Dr. Shepherd let you in, I already established that."

"No, I am Dr. Derek Shepherd. And I am not leaving." Derek told her firmly. "You can check with Dr. Welch or Dr. Turner or Dr. Shepherd if you insist, but I can assure you that I am not here unauthorized nor will I be any burden to you and I am not leaving."

She had a very skeptical look on her face, raising her eyebrows at Derek as she left the room, probably to call security to have them kick him out. But he didn't care whether she tried to have him kicked out. Luckily security never came and neither did the nurse. Dr. Welch had stopped by on his way out, checked on Meredith one last time before he bid his goodbye for the night, handing her case over to the staff on call.

* * *

About an hour into sitting by her bedside Derek recognized the signs of her finally regaining consciousness. Over the last twenty minutes a middle-aged nurse, named Donna, with a thick New York accent had kept checking on Meredith. She had come in more often since the alarms continued to go off, telling them about Meredith's low BP. They had hung more fluids in hopes to bring her blood pressure up, so far it was only moderately working.

Her breathing pattern changed. She slightly stirred. Meredith's eyes fluttered open just to be shut again instantly. She shut out the blinding aggressive light. She moaned in pain, opening one eye again just a little bit looking for something familiar. He squeezed her hand reassuringly, giving her all the time she needed.

Meredith dozed off for a couple more minutes before she opened her eyes again starring at the ceiling. She was quite disoriented not exactly knowing where she was and how she got there. She was in pain, everything from her chest up hurt and she felt extremely nauseous. The bright light neither helped the pain nor her nausea. She felt a very familiar hand running its thumb over her knuckles. She couldn't turn her head to the side to see where she was and to confirm that it was Derek's hand that comforted her. She closed her eyes again to shut out the light.

"Hey. You are just waking up from the anesthesia. Take all the time you need." Derek whispered.

"Der?" Meredith mumbled softly. She took a deep breath, which irritated her bone dry throat, making her cough uncontrollably. "Ow," Meredith whined gasping for air, tears running down her face. Coughing hurt like hell. Derek put a soothing hand on her shoulder, whipping away some of the tears with the other.

"Slow breaths. You're fine." Derek whispered over and over. Meredith opened her mouth again, to say something just to be stopped by him. "No talking, it'll make you cough again. I'll get you some water for your throat." He brought the cup of water down to her face so she could take a small sip with the plastic straw. It had been years since he had been there during those stages of post-op recovery. She gratefully took a sip, the cold liquid coated her dry throat.

"I love you. I can't keep my eyes open," She whispered her voice still very hoarse, her eyes falling shut dozing off again.

"I love you too," Derek told her, kissing her forehead.

Over the last hours, Derek had become an expert in waiting. He patiently waited for Meredith to wake up a little more, from time to time he glanced at the monitors that were still altering more often than not. She would open her eyes looking around silently before they would fall shut seconds later.

"Derek! Bucket!" Meredith whispered weakly, slightly panicked before she started to gag. Derek reacted in record time jumping out of his chair to be by her bedside immediately. Meredith desperately tried to sit up but was too weak to do so. Without any hesitation, he carefully turned her to the side, so she wouldn't aspirate on her own vomit. There wasn't any time to grab the basin off the table next to him, so most of her throw up went on her pillow and sheets. He was surprised by how much she was throwing up since she hadn't eaten anything in almost a day. Most were stomach acid, making this not a pleasant experience. Derek rubbed circles on her back as she continued heaving. There wasn't much he could do. When she finally finished, Derek rolled her back on her back, raising her bed slightly, so Meredith could catch her breath. He handed her a paper towel and pushed the call button. There was throw up all over her sheets, which he tried to clean up the best he could with the supplies he had. She was paler than before and still not fully out of the anesthesia, but for the moment she seemed okay.

Outside her curtains, the buzzing of the busy floor was heard. As much as Derek wanted for someone to come in and take care of the situation, he understood that there were a lot of patients to be taken of, patients that had no doctor by their side. It wasn't uncommon for patients to experience post-op nausea and throw up occasionally.

"This is embarrassing on so many levels. I'm sorry." She mumbled obviously exhausted and in pain.

"Mer, why are you sorry? You know this happens. How do you feel?"

"Like crap and so so nauseous. Everything hurts. And I can't keep my eyes open." Meredith mumbled closing her eyes again.

"That's okay just rest a little," Derek reassured her. In the background, the monitors went off again, because her BP dropped under the threshold again.

Donna, her nurse, pushed the curtain aside, stepping into the cubical. "Sorry I had a really irritated patient. Oh, what happened?" she asked when she saw the mess on the sheets.

"She had a sip of water and threw up shortly after." Derek told her, "Did she have anti-nausea medication already?" Donna went over to Meredith's bed opening up the line for fluids more.

"I am going to bring some supplies to clean this up and I am going to check about the medication. I'll be right back."

"Thank you."

Just as Donna left, Meredith opened her eyes again. She put her hand over her mouth and started coughing, which lead to gagging. Once again Derek moved in lightning speed, carefully helping her to roll to her side, so she could safely throw up again. This time Derek had been prepared and had the basin at hand. Meredith kept dry heaving after she was done, clearly extremely nauseous. Simultaneously her blood pressure bottomed out further and her heart rate sped up. Derek was at a loss to what to do, he tried to comfort her best as possible. She was in a lot of pain.

"It's okay Mer," Derek whispered over and over again. When she was finally done, he helped her lay back and wipe away the remains. "Feeling a little better?"

Meredith wanted to shake her head when she remembered that she couldn't without being in more pain. "No. I feel so horrible. Did they give me Zofran?" Meredith slurred shivering.

"Are you cold? I just asked your nurse to check. She is going to bring something to clean this up a little."

Donna walked back in with a stack of towels and other supplies for Meredith. "Oh, it happened again? I am so sorry." She asked concernedly rushing over to Meredith's bedside and started to clean up the mess. "They already gave her eight mg of Zofran about an hour ago. Let's get that cleaned up."

"Mhm, okay." Derek frowned, he had been hoping that they just forgot to premedicate her, but apparently, they didn't.

Donna did her best to clean up the remains of Meredith's sickness and hang some new fluids to keep Meredith hydrated. She had pushed the curtain open so she was visible to everyone working in the unit in case they needed immediate help and Donna was busy. She took some notes in Meredith's chart just outside her cubicle. The PACU was extremely noisy, with all the monitors summing, patients being transferred in and out and personnel rushing around.

"Not again," Meredith groaned.

Derek was by her side immediately, he helped her roll to her side, held the basin and comforted her at the same time. Meredith dry heaved and winced in pain at the same time.

As much as he tried to physically support her to not strain her freshly operated incision it was very much a desperate attempt. All that coughing and vomiting was less than optimal for someone, not even two hours out of decompression surgery. As she continued being sick, Derek checked her dressing, the six-inch-long white band-aid, that covered the incision on the back of her head and neck, was slowly turning red. Donna rushed back in the room and so did some residents to help Derek.

Meredith had been sick three times in the last ten minutes and all she had for hours was one small sip of water. Additionally, her BP seemed to be stubbornly low, no matter how many fluids or meds they pumped into her. Derek began to worry.

Years of medical data told them that when patients came out of anesthesia, some needed a little more time for their vitals to stabilize, throwing up was considered 'normal'. You gave them some time, in hopes it would stabilize itself before they intervened. That time window was closing. The young doctors were trying to figure out how to manage the situation. She was obviously still extremely nauseous and in pain, but in order to avoid her blood pressure tanking, even more, they had decreased her pain meds. Her low pressure made her feel sicker than she already was, which lead to her throwing up, which caused more pain. It was a vicious cycle.

They had one rare quiet moment alone together, Meredith had closed her eyes, ready for all of this to pass over her. Beyond exhausted, all Meredith wanted was to be left alone, neither her doctors nor her body gave her the opportunity to find some rest. She was shivering. Derek took her hand and to his surprise, it felt clammy, he ran his free hand over her cheek to check his suspicion, she was running a fever. He was surprised by how fast her temperature had risen, last time he touched her she seemed fine. Small beads of sweat covered her hairline and parts of her forehead.

"God Mer, you're burning up." Internal alarm bells started ringing when he felt her glowing hot skin.

"I'm cold," Meredith complained closing her eyes again. She had pulled the blanket all the way over her shoulders.

"I know you are." He said sadly pushing the call button again. By now the exhaustion had taken over Meredith's body.

* * *

4/27/19

It wouldn't be Grey's if there wasn't a little bit of drama. Like I said before I like my characters alive. I quite like the idea of including different perspectives into the story. Let me know how it is reading the perspective changes if you spend so much time with one chapter you tend to loos the ability to see everything clearly. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I want to hear your thoughts. I love reading your reviews. Thank you for everyone who reads and reviews. I appreciate you. See you next week, bye.


	20. Chapter 20 - Nightmare

Welcome back! Enjoy!

* * *

 **Chapter 20 - Nightmare**

Ever since working at Seattle Grace Derek had come to expect the unexpected. He had thought through many different scenarios of what could possibly go wrong with Meredith having the surgery. He hadn't thought that he would be leaving her alone at the hospital on the very first night.

They hadn't planned for any complications after surgery, their focus had been purely on getting to Hopkins on time. They had loosely discussed some details for after. He was supposed to camp out with her in her room while she recovered until she was ready to be discharged. After discharge, they had planned to stay at Amelia's until Meredith was cleared to fly back home. Once again they were met with the uncertainty of plans.

Derek unlocked the black rental SUV, he put his briefcase on the passenger seat next to the remains of last night's road trip. They had been on the east coast for a little longer than 24 hours. It was hard to believe, it felt like days since he left the building in front of him. Once the car door was closed there was nothing but silence, for the first time in the last hours he enjoyed the silence. It was twelve thirty am in the morning and he had just left Meredith in the ICU. Derek closed his eyes just for a second, the last hours had been draining.

* * *

 _It was clear that not only Derek was worried about Meredith's state of recovery. As soon as Derek had pushed the button the young African American resident that had been in earlier came to check what they needed._

 _"How can I help?" the resident asked hopeful that there would be an easy fix to their request._

 _"She is burning up, she spiked a fever," Derek said without any doubt. As soon as the words had left Derek's lips, the resident frowned. She looked at Meredith, who had fallen in an uneasy sleep, her body still covered in the blanket up to her neck._

 _"Let me, just get the thermometer and then we will know for sure." The frown on the resident's face grew a little bigger when she touched Meredith's sticky forehead._

 _"Thank you." Derek touched Meredith clammy hot hand under her sheets. Over the past year, he had become pretty in tune with her. He could tell by the sounds of her snores how exhausted she was, he knew her tells when she was in pain or uncomfortable, he could tell when she was truly asleep or faking it and he knew her normal body temperature. Back when Meredith had her appendicitis he knew she was running a fever when she went to work that morning. He had asked her if she was feeling okay, but of course, she had been fine._

 _Meredith was glowing hot, he freed her arm out from under the blankets and lifted the blanket off her feet to give her body some chance to cool down a little. The blood pressure cuff summed again and alerting a new low as soon as the reading was in._

 _The resident came back with the thermometer, by now they just needed a number of how high her fever was, there was no doubt that she had spiked one. She turned off the alarm of the machine and changed the IV pump settings to open up the lines for the medication even more. By the rate they were pumping the meds in her she should be hypertensive by now. When the resident saw the number, she immediately alerted for others to come in. Everything happened very quickly. Nurses brought in cooling blankets icepacks and cold fluids. Meredith had icepacks under her armpits, legs all around her sides, trying to get her temp back to a safer level. Within minutes the cubical was buzzing with personnel. Nurses, nurse practitioner, senior resident, interns, and med students – all there to help._

 _Despite all their efforts to bring her temperature down and her blood pressure up, they continued to stay where they were. Derek had moved to the head of the bed standing there and try to be as small as possible, to give her team room to work and figure out how to help Meredith. At the same time, he was comforting a very miserable girlfriend who had woken up to six people being up in her business. They poked and prodded her with needles, administered more medication and took more blood to send to the lap to figure out the reason for all her symptoms._

 _Meredith was done with everything by now. She let them do whatever they had to do, without much of a complaint, which was very much unlike her. She always fought, she was too stubborn not to, it was in her nature. Now she was too exhausted to protest in the slightest bit. Derek was exhausted as well with having slept so little the last day and felt his frustration level rising. He knew that things like this happened statistically more often than you would think. And if he honestly thought about it, Meredith was a prime candidate for post-op complications. He could count the days on one hand that she had been home overnight in the last two weeks, she had put too much pressure on herself to get ahead so that she wouldn't fall behind. When she hadn't been working she had been in the skill laps and in the research library reading up on whatever she came across that day. He had tried to ease her fears but she wouldn't listen, too stubborn to even consider what he was telling her the truth. She had no cooling down period, she went from one hundred to zero in a second. In the last 30 hours, she had scrubbed into four surgeries, had lost a patient, had responded to a medical emergency on their flight, had worsened her condition and was operated on for four and a half hours._

 _Meredith's temperature had stalled around 103F, much too high for Derek's liking, with all the efforts they had put in to get her there. Looking at her something registered with him, some small signs that he had seen before. She was still seriously hypotensive._

 _"Derek, I really don't feel well," Meredith mumbled barely audible._

 _"I know, Mer. I'm sorry," Derek whispered, stroking her cheek._

 _"No … like really not … well," Meredith alerted weakly. As she finished her eyes rolled back in her head and she started seizing. Derek was already on his feet and without thinking he turned her on her side and let her ride out the fever-induced seizure. Meredith had never seized before, this was a first they could have gone easily without. The commotion in the room didn't go unnoticed. An intern had run in and had stopped dead in his tracks when she saw Meredith seizing._

 _"You're okay, Mer," Derek told her. He was seriously worried about her. All he did to help her happened without thinking, years of training, one part of his brain treated her like any other patient in this situation. The other part, however, was very much the one of a worried fiancé that just watched his love, falling into a febrile seizure. Every muscle in her body contracted uncontrollably as she rid out her seizure. „Do something!" Derek yelled at the intern._

 _He remembered a time when he yelled at an intern out of similar circumstances, but the intern had been his intern and she had actually eventually done something. After two long unbearable minutes, Meredith's muscles relaxed and she became limp. Derek exhaled the breath he was holding for the last minutes. By now other doctors and nurses had rushed into the room, while Derek was still keeping her in a safe position._

 _"What happened?" one of the doctors that had come in asked the intern._

 _"I don't know. It just happened," the intern stuttered. The other doctor sighed, Derek hadn't met her yet._

 _"What do you mean with 'I don't know'? You were here first. You should know what happened," she barked at the intern._

 _"I don't know." The intern repeated._

 _"Fine, go get her chart and see if the newest laps are in." The intern hurried away, still very shaken. "Anyone else?" She asked looking around the room. Derek had laid her back down and was checking her pupillary response with the penlight he always carried._

 _It had become a habit of his, that he carried a penlight where ever he went. So far his presence had gone unnoticed. He sighed a breath of relief when he saw a normal pupillary respond. He had been pretty sure that her seizure was induced by her fever but he couldn't be certain without checking. He packed away his light and was about to continue his post-seizure checklist when he was addressed._

 _"Who are you and what do you think you are doing?"_

 _"Derek Shepherd, fiancé. And I am allowed to be here." Having had a similar situation previously he opted on telling her up front._

 _"Okay. Well, you might understand if I ask you to wait in the waiting room, while we figure everything out."_

 _Derek sighed and was about to disagree when Meredith began to gag again. Once again Derek was the first to react, knowing her so well and standing right beside her. Once again he was the one who got up most of her sickness._

 _Derek had left her room reluctantly after things had gotten too chaotic in her little cubicle. Part of him was determined to stay with her every minute of the way, he had promised her so much and he was not about to break that promise. The other part knew that they needed room to work on her. There was a reason why family members were rarely allowed in the recovery unit. The setting of the unit was hectic as it was and there was always the option for post-op complications, just as Meredith was experiencing. Worried family members were only hindering when things went complicated. There was nothing more he wanted than to stay, to make sure that they did everything correctly with Meredith, being there to assure himself that she was well taken care of. But he knew when it was time to step out and let them do whatever they deemed fit._

 _An intern had shown him another waiting area, where he was now waiting to hear from her doctors once again. This waiting room was much smaller and more private than the surgical waiting room he had been in earlier. There was a TV on the wall playing some news station that Derek didn't pay attention to. Drinks and small snacks were provided to the whoever had to use this room. Derek wasn't hungry and the thought of coffee made him sick. Amelia had provided him with more than enough of the black liquid over the last hours. Derek was sick and tired of waiting._

 _He took the time and texted Cristina that Meredith was out of surgery and that everything went according to plan. He opted for a text so that she wouldn't be calling him, putting him in the position to explain that Meredith was not doing so well at the moment. He could deal with his own anxiety of not knowing what would be happing further down the road, but he couldn't deal with Cristina's questions that would be coming without a doubt. After a well-crafted text to Meredith's person that didn't leave any room for questions, Derek turned to the medical journal he had brought. He was skipping through the pages, reading a paragraph just to disregard the article and start a new one. He just hadn't his mind on medical advancement at the moment._

 _Half an hour after he was sent out of the room, the doctor that had kicked him out, entered the waiting room. She had Meredith's chart under her arm as well of other papers._

 _"Mr. Shepherd?" She asked carefully as she approached him. Derek looked up in the young face of the resident in front of him. She couldn't be much older than Meredith. "My name is Dr. Zuza, I didn't have the opportunity to introduce myself earlier, I am one of Meredith's doctors."_

 _"How is she?" Derek asked._

 _"We got her stabilized for now. She is not as well as we would have hoped. We have a bed in the ICU for her. We are transferring her as we speak. It's a much safer environment and we want to keep observing her closely, " Dr. Zuza told Derek, who ran his fingers through is not so perfect hair._

 _"Okay," Derek sighed. They had wanted to avoid the ICU at all coasts. Both of them knew that there was always an option to end up in the ICU after a complicated surgery, but a stay in the ICU meant a longer hospital stay. And for Meredith, a longer hospital stay would be equivalent to being stuck longer on the east coast, longer until they would be back in Seattle, longer until she was allowed back at work and longer until she was cleared to be in the OR cutting again. "Okay, did you get a bed in the Neuro ICU?"_

 _"No, there are no available beds the Neuro ICU for her. We have her transferred to the regular one." Dr. Zuza answered. She had sat down on the chair across from Derek. "I wanted to update you on what we did as well as what our further steps might be."_

 _Derek nodded, ready to hear an update._

 _"Okay, so Meredith is on a high dose of anti-nausea medication and we gave her a strong dose of anti-seizure medication. Her seizures were most likely induced by her high fever …"_

 _"Excuse me. Seizures?" Derek interrupted._

 _"She had a second one about 20 minutes ago. We got her fever down to a much safer level with ice packs and cool fluids as well as some medication. Do you know if there is a history of malignant hyperthermia in Meredith's family?"_

 _"I actually, don't know much about her family history. As far as I know, there could be a small possibility. She had an appendectomy about a year ago and had no reaction to the anesthesia," Derek answered honestly. He had thought about malignant hyperthermia, a genetically programmed reaction to most drugs used for anesthesia, himself. He highly doubted that this was causing her fever, but you never knew. Dr. Zuza marked something down in Meredith's chart._

 _"Thank you. We have sent some blood to the lap to have her tested. Unfortunately takes the test days to come back with a result. We have given her the drugs to help with the spasms that occur with the condition, just in case." Derek nodded again, not saying anything. "We started her on a broad spectrum of antibiotics in case she has caught an underlying infection. We also have her tested for that. We were unable to find an access for another IV so we had to place a central line. A central line is a catheter in your neck that connects directly to the main artery. We can treat with medications much more efficiently that way. It is a little scary, but it doesn't really hurt." Dr. Zuza explained Derek. He let her do it, he full well understood what a central line was, that it didn't necessarily hurt per se but it was very uncomfortable. He had one himself when he had crushed his motorcycle in college. Central lines, when very effective were also a herd for potential infections if not treated carefully. "Meredith's is still very hypotensive. We have given her more drugs, but we maxed out on what we are able to give her. So we have her on pressors to keep her blood pressure up. We don't want her heart to take more than it already has over the last hours. We have decreased most of her pain medication because those tend to lower the blood pressure. We want to avoid that her body goes into shock. We gave her potassium and magnesium, her levels were low after the vomiting and have her on continues fluids. We have her on a light sedative, to keep her as comfortable as possible for the moment."_

 _Derek nodded again, as a sign he had understood what she was telling him._

 _"Do you have any questions so far, Mr. Shepherd?"_

 _"No," Derek simply answered. He understood, what she was telling him. But if he hadn't been to medical school, went through a neurosurgical residency and fellowship and practiced medicine for years, he wouldn't be so sure he would have understood anything right now._

 _"Good. Just ask if you have any. There are some things I would like to discuss with you. Since we are still figuring out what could be potentially causing Meredith's symptoms it would be very helpful if we could get hold of her medical record. There is not a lot of information in her chart and a full scope would be very helpful. It says you are from Seattle,_

 _we just need her physician's name or the name of the institution and we have them fax over her record, you don't need to worry about anything."_

 _Derek groaned. He knew her request was more than valid, medical history was more than important in patient care, still, he had trouble handing her record over. Without any context, it told a very disturbing story of Meredith's stays at Seattle Grace over her intern year. The bomb, the appendectomy, she had been put on bypass after he had pulled her out of Elliot Bay and on top of that the continuous headaches and pains due to her Chiari. And now she had hit a wall. "I can get you her record, I just need to make a phone call." Derek finally answered. He felt bad like was betraying her trust that she had put into him when she made him her health care proxy. But it was the only reasonable thing to do, however bad it might feel._

 _"You don't have to do anything. I am not even sure if they would do so on your request." Dr. Zuza told him._

 _"Like I said you will get the record. It is easier this way, trust me." Derek told her. He would have to call Bailey and she would grill him for all the information._

 _"Okay, thank you. There is one more thing. I don't know if you are fully aware of Meredith's surgery inclined," Derek had to chuckle at that, he probably understood the surgery and the complications better than the resident in front of him. "however they operated on the open brain and with this there is a higher risk for infection of the brain. With Meredith's high fever, we want to rule out any infection in the fluid around the brain. We would like to do a lumbar puncture to test for any bacteria in the spinal fluid. We would need your consent for that. If you could just sign here." Dr. Zuza held out the clipboard so Derek could sign as Meredith's healthcare proxy._

 _"No. Sorry, but I won't sign," Derek said._

 _"But Sir, I don't know if you understand, this could be very important in order to catch this early. The procedure is relatively painless considering everything Meredith already went through." Dr. Zuza was shocked, she hadn't expected that her request would be denied._

 _"I do understand that this is part of your normal protocol for patients who spiked a high fever post brain surgery. However, this case is different." Derek explained._

 _"I understand that you are concerned. I could page the neurosurgical senior resident on call and he can explain the procedure in detail. You may…"_

 _"No. I don't need someone to explain a procedure to me that I already know about. There will under no circumstances be a spinal tab tonight with no attending neurosurgeon present that is familiar with Chiari malformation. And I can assure you, Dr. Welch would go crazy if he knew what you are suggesting right now." Dr. Zuza looked very skeptical and was about to disagree. "Trust me, I know you feel like doing the puncture would be the safest bet based on protocol. But look, Meredith just came out of decompression surgery because of her Chiari malformation. Dr. Welch just restored a regular flow of cerebrospinal fluid. Her entire CSF system is very fragile as it is. If you extract spinal fluid with a needle the risk of sucking part of the cerebellum down in the spinal canal is extremely high. With that, it would reverse all the work that Dr. Welch did over the last hours. So I am not consenting until you have ruled out all the other potential reasons for the fever or any other symptoms." Derek explained, he hated that it was night and the hospital was run by residents instead of attendings. Of course, there were attending neurosurgeons present in the hospital, every level one trauma center required at least two neurosurgeons on call at all time, but not every neurosurgeon was familiarized with Meredith's condition. If there would be a need for the procedure that Dr. Zuza was suggesting, there would only be a handful of people he knew were knowledgeable to do it relatively safely. Dr. Zuza still looked unconvinced, his reasoning could make sense but then why trust the opinion of a non-medical professional. The look on the young doctor's face told him everything, "I am doing this for a living, I am a neurosurgeon. So no lumbar puncture." A look of pure horror made itself present on the young doctor's face. "And judging by the look on your face you better go and stop them before it is too late," Derek urged._

 _Dr. Zuza jumped up and hurried off to the ICU, Derek right behind her. He couldn't believe that he just had this conversation and that they had already ordered the test to be done. Then again he couldn't really blame them, there were times on the night shift, when you were so sure of yourself, that you just went ahead and ordered test while simultaneously working on getting the consent. He had done it multiple times as a resident and it had always worked out in his favor. He just hoped that some residents or interns weren't too eager and started without getting the signed consent form._

 _When he approached Meredith's ICU room two residents were gathered in the corner quietly arguing. The supplies for the puncture on a table in front of them._

 _"She is a surgical patient and we don't do anything before we let neuro assess her. Besides surgery should do the procedure." The surgical resident argued against the medicine resident._

 _"I know that she is a surgical patient, but just because of that, doesn't mean we should page neurosurgery. Her state could be very much unrelated to the surgery and it will take ages until someone will come here. We will do the lumbar puncture ourselves." The internal medicine resident said._

 _"No, you won't. There will be no lumbar puncture." Dr. Zuza interrupted._

 _"Why?"_

 _"Because we can't, we didn't get consent because …"_

 _"But who in their right mind would withhold consent on a lumbar puncture?" the surgical resident asked._

 _"I hate dealing with uneducated family members," The other sighed._

 _Derek stood in the door, he cleared his throat. Two pairs of shocked eyes were staring at him, while Dr. Zuza looked quite uncomfortable with the situation._

 _"Excuse me, Sir, you should really reconsider your decision. There could be a serious infection and the sooner we find out the faster we can treat. There might even be a surgical error." The medical resident tried to convince Derek._

 _"There wasn't a surgical error." Surgery bit back._

 _"It could have been," Medicine argued._

 _"But there wasn't, but I still think we should page neurosurgery to do the puncture." Surgery said._

 _"Guys, there will be no lumbar puncture tonight. Even if you get neuro here. Dr. Shepherd won't give us his consent before we haven't exhausted all other possibilities." Dr. Zuza stopped them._

 _"That is just stupid." Surgery said._

 _"As much as it pains me, I have to agree." The medical resident agreed._

 _"And I think you can call yourself lucky that you haven't started yet. Because a lumbar puncture for Chiari malformation patient is not like a lumbar puncture for any other patient. With taking out spinal fluid you could suck part of the cerebellum further in the spinal canal. It is a highly difficult and sometimes even dangerous procedure. And given the fact that your patient just had surgery to reverse some of the effects caused by blocked CSF, a spinal tap would be quite contra productive. I don't know if you fully comprehend what the procedure actually inclined but Meredith here is already considered high risk, just because of the fact that the threw up after surgery. There is no bone protecting the brain, just the dura, muscle, and skin. So please don't try to convince me to consent to something that I know all the facts about. As I already told Dr. Zuza there will under no circumstances be a spinal tab tonight with no attending neurosurgeon present that is familiar with Chiari malformation. If you excuse me now, I have to make a phone call so you can get Meredith's medical records." Derek finished his rant, turned around and walked out of the ICU. He was about to make a very difficult phone call._

 _The phone call to Bailey pretty much went as he had expected. He got called a fool twice, Meredith three times. When he explained why she needed to send over Meredith's medical record, she got really concerned. Derek had to explain the situation in detail, telling her it would be a long shot to see if there would be any indication, but at least he could contribute in some fashion. Under her hard façade, Bailey had a real softcore. She cared about her former interns, they were her babies just as much as her own son. She promised him she would fax over her information immediately. They talked on the phone a little longer. She reminded him about how strong Meredith was after all she went through and made him feel so much better. She knew what he needed to hear. Before they hung up she was back to her old self, the tough, strong Bailey that had earned her nickname._

 _As soon as he got her record, he handed it over to Dr. Zuza without much of an explanation or even looking at what he handed her. He figured they would come to him when they needed more information. Somewhere between all of this he had gotten the chance to call Amelia, to tell her he would be coming to her place tonight._

 _Before an ICU nurse had told him to go home and get some rest, he had sat with Meredith for an hour. She was finally resting, probably thanks to the sedative. As Derek watched Meredith in her hospital bed – pale, drained, sweaty and exhausted – he knew the coming battles he had to fight with her, to make her recover. But for now, he would be just content that she was stable and resting. All the rest he would need to figure out when the time came._

* * *

Derek opened his eyes. The clock on his dashboard told him it was one o'clock in the morning, he had fallen asleep for half an hour in the hospital parking lot. He shook his head in surprise. He turned his key in the ignition and backed the car out of the parking space. He drove to his sister's apartment, to get some much-needed sleep.

* * *

5/4/19

Another long chapter. I can't believe that this story is already 20 chapters long. Thank you for sticking with me for so long. I appreciate every single review, I love reading them, so thank you for everyone who writes one. And thank you to everyone who comes back and reads or newly discovers the story. Let me know what you think. Can we get a new record for reviews for one chapter? Have a great weekend. Bye.

PS I am really bad at finding chapter titles if anyone wants to help.


	21. Chapter 21 - Struggle

Welcome back! Please enjoy!

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Chapter 21 - Struggle

* * *

Meredith got woken up hours later by alarms going off. She was very confused and disoriented. She couldn't quite piece together what happened after she woke up after her surgery. All she remembered was Derek being there when she woke up and feeling incredibly sick. She remembered fragments of conversations. All after that was pretty much a blur of single pictures of doctors and nurses.

She hadn't yet opened her eyes but her mind was conscious. She started assessing her situation. She still had a headache and she could tell where they had cut into her. She was in pain. The nausea was still very present but luckily she didn't feel like she had to throw up immediately. She felt hot, sweaty and very itchy. A nasal cannula was providing her with extra oxygen and there was a sharp pain right where she knew they typically placed central lines in patients. Meredith could feel the pulse ox monitor on her finger and the restricting blood pressure cuff around her arm. Her room was filled with the monotonous summing of the monitors and IV pumps and now also the annoying alarm of one of the monitors. Her body hurt all over and she was dizzy. The back of her bed was slightly angeled but she almost lay flat. Multiple pillows stabilized her head. From assessing her situation alone Meredith could tell that her body was not happy with something, something was making her sick. She ran her hands over the blanket and could feel the familiar fabric of a cooling blanket. As she shifted her body she felt the now warm icepacks that had been placed around her body to cool her down. Someone entered her room to attend to the signaling pump and as soon as everything was sorted they left again.

Meredith opened her eyes slowly and carefully. She took in her surroundings, the sterile rectangular room with the sliding glass door. Through the sliding glass door, which was left ajar, Meredith could see the brightly lit hallway. Her room herself was only lit by the electric light up screens of the monitors, but the aggressive fluorescent light of the hallway was lighting her room just as much. She could make out a nurses' station from her bed, which meant she could be seen as well. She was alone. Meredith swallowed hard, which made her already dry throat hurt more. She was alone. Derek was not here, he had left her by herself. Finally, he had seen enough and left. Part of her mind began to panic, her heart began to pound in her chest. The other rational medical part began to reason with her. Obviously, she was in the ICU, she had no idea how she ended up here, but she did. She had lost her concept of time, what time was it? How long has she been here?

They didn't let people – even trained professionals – stay in the ICU overnight. They had bend so many rules for them that she forgot that they weren't actually at home. They had probably sent him home. Meredith closed her eyes again, she was exhausted. Now the monitor started to alert to low blood pressure. She found some sleep just to wake up again soon after. It was a rough interrupted unrestful couple of hours in the ICU. At some point, someone had given her some medication that made her drowsy and she was able to rest again.

* * *

Last night Derek had sat with Meredith in the ICU for some time, she had been hocked up to all kinds of monitors and pumps. Bailey had sent over her medical records which he had handed over to her team. It hadn't felt right to hand over her medical records, that told the medical story of her intern year to doctors who had no understanding about the circumstances. He had felt like he was violating her privacy by doing so, but as her medical proxy, he had felt the importance of handing over every potential important detail to make her better. He hadn't stayed to explain.

An ICU nurse had polity but forcefully told him that he should go home, get freshened up and get some rest. He had been worried about what would happen if Meredith woke up and he wouldn't be there, but they had assured him they would handle the situation if it came to it.

Derek had driven to his sister's alone, covered in throw up and so exhausted that he couldn't remember when he had slept last. Amelia had been great dealing with him in his state, he had updated her while he was still at the hospital, so she hadn't been surprised when he showed up at her doorstep. After a much-needed shower and a snack, he had dropped dead tired on her guest bed.

At four thirty in the morning, Derek woke up to Amelia getting ready for work. Once awake there was no thought of going back to sleep. Despite the early hour and his minimal sleep, he decided to tag along with his sister.

Back at the hospital, Derek realized how early it actually was. The hallways were empty and barely lit. Amelia went to the surgical floor to get ready for a very early surgery. Derek went back up to the ICU and slipped into Meredith's room unnoticed. He occupied the hospital chair that was standard to almost every hospital room across the country. He had brought his documents for his paper, he had promised Richard that he would be writing while he was gone and fulfill some of his publishing duties that came with the job. It wasn't something groundbreaking but more a summary of experiences he had gained over the last year teaching neurosurgery residents. He was surprised by how alert he was given the early hour and his jetlag.

Around five thirty one of Meredith's pumps was notifying to the end of a dosage. Without a second thought, Derek stopped the beeping pump in order not to wake Meredith. This was the first time a nurse had come in her room since he had come in. It was the same nurse that had sent him home last night. She was surprised that he was already back when her message had been so clear. Luckily she knew that he was a physician and who his sister was, so he didn't have to explain himself for turning off the pump. Both talked, while she checked on Meredith's lines. She told him, that she had a rough night, with more throwing up and more hypotension. Meredith had finally been able to fall asleep two hours ago after some more sedative medication. Derek felt bad for not being there, but there had been no way he would be allowed to stay. He watched her drained body, which was finally able to catch up on some much-needed sleep.

* * *

Meredith's brain was slowly registering her surroundings again. The continues beeping and summing of the monitors, typing next to her, the aggressive smell of antiseptic, the bright lights that she could feel through her closed eyelids, the busyness of the hallway. And then came the pain in every inch of her body. She could handle pain, the last year had shown that, but this really sucked. She could feel wet traces running down her face, was she crying? No, her eyes were just leaking water. The typing stopped, she heard shifting. And then she felt the one thing that made her almost forget everything else. Her hand was in a death grip, with his thumb running over her knuckles. He was here.

"Der," Meredith whispered, her throat dry as sandpaper. She opened her eyes to see her fiancé sitting on the only available chair next to her. He wore fresh clothes but still looked pretty tired.

"Hey there." He smiled.

"Hey, you're back. Have you slept?" Meredith rasped.

"Yeah, I am back. I slept, they kicked me out last night."

"Good. You still look tired, you should have slept more. What time is it?" she whispered barely audible. Speaking hurt, her throat dry from the intubation and all the sickness.

"It's 5:45." Derek checked his watch. "I got up with Amelia, it's fine."

"So it's almost three in Seattle." Meredith coughed, which made her wince in pain. Derek ran his hand over her cheek. "I'm still NPO?"

"Yes." Derek looked at her sadly.

"Because of the throwing up?"

"Yes. You had a really rough night." Derek confirmed. "How are you feeling?"

"Horrible." She let out with a breath, tears wetting her face again. Seeing her like this broke Derek's heart, he leaned forward and kissed her temple to comfort her. Her forehead was still very warm to touch, she was still running a fever. The couple stayed like this for a minute.

"What's happening?" Meredith asked, tears still running down her face.

Derek tried his best to fill her in her gaps with all he knew. But by this point, he didn't know much. He didn't know what tests they had run overnight nor did he know if they had figured out a cause yet. Meredith took in all the information. She was a fragment of herself. She was about to say something but clearly struggling to stay awake, when Derek stopped her.

"You don't have to figure out anything. Don't fight it, if you need to sleep just sleep." Derek told her. As his words left his mouth she had already stopped fighting against her exhaustion.

* * *

Half an hour later Meredith's night nurse came back for one last assessment before handover at seven. She checked all of Meredith's lines and pumps before she proceeded to check on Meredith herself. By that time Meredith was awake again, she had opened her eyes but had stayed quiet.

"Good morning, Sweetheart." Her nurse Ashley greeted her. She was small and blonde and had a very bubbly personality.

"Morning." Meredith rasped silently which lead to instant coughing. "Ow."

"Deep breaths. You are still NPO, but why don't I get you an ice cube so you can at least moisture the inside of your mouth and lips. Maybe that will help a little. I'll be back." She rose the back of the bed, so it was easier to breathe and left the room to get the needed supplies. She had left the chart opened on the counter.

"Der…" Meredith whispered barely audible, which made almost cough again. She was in a lot of pain.

"I am here. Try not to speak until you tried the cube." He told her. "It'll get better."

Meredith looked at him sadly. "Okay," she mouthed.

Derek saw the opened chart on the counter and his curiosity got the better of him. He knew he shouldn't look but he just needed to take a peak. He wanted to be in the know, what was going on.

He had had a hard time accepting his role as a family member and not as a surgeon when it concerned Meredith's surgery. Neither of them had planned to be in this situation after her surgery. Derek was sure that she was just as curious as he was. He got out of his chair walking over to the counter that also housed the sink and some typical ICU supplies. In record speed, Derek went over her chart to get as much information as he could in the limited time he had until Ashley would be back. He flipped through the pages looking for useful information to get a clear picture of the situation. Meredith picked up what he was doing.

"I want to see, too." Meredith rasped quietly.

"I know you do. I am going to tell you." He said as he sat back down, just as her nurse came back with a paper cup in her hand. Ashley moisturized Meredith's lips with one of the cubes and gave her the tiniest ice chip to suck on to get some moisture in her mouth.

"Thanks," Meredith whispered, she had to admit that even though her throat was still bone dry it had helped her mouth immensely.

"You're welcome," Ashley said and continued with her assessment. There was a routine in the way she took the temperature, her vitals, changed out empty IV bags, administered fluids and meds. "Okay, all done for now. Do you need anything else?"

"Can I get more pain meds?" Meredith whispered, very much in pain, she hadn't expected to be in so much pain after her surgery.

"You are due to have your next dose in an hour. I am sorry." Ashley said honestly. "If you need anything just call." She disposed of her gloves, took the chart and left the pair alone.

Meredith closed her eyes already exhausted and worn out again.

Derek sighed, he had read her chart and knew how much they had struggled overnight to keep her blood pressure in a stable range. They had tried every method, given all the medications that were safe in that situation. They had her on pressers and as a last resort, they had limited the pain meds to the point where she was virtually on no effective pain medication, considering that she just had surgery. She must be in a lot of pain if she was asking for more meds, he knew how stubborn she was.

"What's on your mind?" She asked quietly.

"Oh just thinking." Derek took her free hand and squeezed it, putting all his emotion in their touch.

"Are you going to tell me what is in my chart or do I need to steal it myself?" Meredith joked with a very hoarse voice.

Derek told her honestly what he had read and filled in the missing pieces to the puzzle. He explained how they suspected that her fever and the seizures might have come from a reaction to the anesthesia. That they had sent in more blood work to determine whether she had malignant hypothermia but the results would take days to come in. That her doctors had drawn blood the last night, to see any other potential causes for her fever, since it wasn't breaking as they had hoped. He told her how they wanted to do a lumbar puncture to test for bacteria in her spinal fluid and how he had to stop them. Meredith cringed at that. Derek also told her about her dangerously low blood pressure and how her team struggled to keep it stable overnight. By the end of his recollections, Meredith was quietly digesting the information. Derek feared he might have overwhelmed her when she stayed quiet for some time, just to see her eyelids falling shut over and over again. Minutes later she snapped her eyes open.

"You okay?" Derek asked surprised by her sudden awakening.

Meredith gave him the smallest nod.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Meredith shrugged and instantly winced in pain. "It hurts. It hurts like crap," she cried big tears.

"I know, I am sorry. Just let it out." Derek sat down on the bed next to her, he wrapped his arm around her the best he could.

"I don't feel well, heck I feel horrible. I am still so nauseous, lingering nausea, the one when you feel like crap but can't throw up. I am probably on a nice cocktail of anti-nausea medication to be like this. I am sweaty ... and clammy ... and itchy ... and dizzy and everything hurts. ... I can't keep my eyes open. It is exhausting." Meredith continued to cry. "I hate this. Hate it. Hate as in rectal exams ... and draining infected ... abscesses hate. I didn't sign up for this. This ... wasn't supposed to ... happen. I am a doctor. This is pathetic. And it's only ... day one." Desperately trying to catch some air in between her sobs. More and more tears were running down her face. Derek just held on to her and whispered sweet nothings in her ear while she cried. It broke his heart to see her like this. Meredith was clearly struggling emotionally with her situation. And there wasn't much he was able to do for her. He let his fingers run over her exposed arm to comfort her. It was not too long until she had cried herself back to sleep. He stayed right there next to her. The recovery so far was going far from ideal. He patiently waited for her to wake up again keeping busy with a medical journal he had brought. Only minutes into her slumber, Meredith jolted awake again, she looked panicked.

"Mer?" Derek asked carefully.

"Did you call Cristina?" Meredith asked concernedly.

"I talked to her when you were in surgery and texted her when came out of surgery."

"Good. So she doesn't know … about all of this." Meredith rasped motioning her hand over her body.

"No. Not yet."

"Good. That's good." Meredith whispered pensively.

"Mer, we have to tell her at some point. I don't know how long we can delay this phone call. If it wouldn't be for the surgeries I would be certain Cristina would show up here when she doesn't get an update. Besides Bailey knows." Derek confessed.

Out of reflex, Meredith lifted her head off the pillow turning to glare at Derek and regretted her decision instantaneously. Wincing in pain she let herself fall back into the pillows again causing more pain. Meredith groaned frustrated.

"I know it sucks. They will be able to give you something very soon."

"Yes, it really does suck." Meredith agreed, "And why the heck does Bailey know?"

"Well, they needed your medical record. So I had to call Bailey and you know her, you don't just call with a request like that, without her grilling you for information. She told me to tell you, that you need to get your act together, she needs you back." Derek explained.

"They wanted my medical record? All of it? Everything that happened last year?" Meredith whispered, clearly devastated.

"Yes, I am sorry," Derek confirmed.

"So now they know everything? The bomb and the ferry boat incident?"

Derek just nodded to that. "I am sorry. I know you wanted to keep as much under wraps as possible."

"I guess there isn't anything that we can do about it." Meredith sighed. Dr. Welch obviously knew the cliff notes, but now everybody knew. "The universe hates me."

"The universe doesn't hate you."

"Yes, it does. This is not where I'm supposed to be right now. I am supposed to be in an OR assisting on a tumor resection or an ex-lap. Hold a retractor for ten hours. I am supposed to be the doctor with the patient in the ICU, not the patient." Meredith complained.

"Mer,…" Derek sighed, just to be interrupted by Meredith.

"I know the surgery was more than necessary. I am well aware of the fact. But it was supposed to be quick and easy, textbook. In and out. Out of the hospital in two days, on a plane back to Seattle after a week, back at work after two weeks and back in the OR after four." Meredith said, slowly losing the little of a voice she had, while Derek rolled his eyes letting out a sarcastic laugh.

"I know and you will be back in no time operating circles around everyone again. Give the others some time to catch up. You and your optimistic recovery plan." Meredith opened her mouth for a witty respond but ended in the most painful coughing fit yet. She was losing her energy fast. "Okay, no more talking." Derek kissed her temple.

* * *

Derek had moved back to his chair, he had given up on writing for the moment. It was seven in the morning by now. The day shift had just come in. With a clear view of the unit's nurses' station, Derek was watching the hand over with great interest. It had been years since he had been at a hospital full time and taking on his role as head of the department at Seattle Grace he had even less the opportunity to observe how the others worked. He either was in the OR, teaching, neck deep in department paperwork or in meetings. With the little time he actually had for his actual job, he was immensely grateful for the nursing staff and the residents at Seattle Grace. He watched as they came together, going over what had happened over the last night.

At some point, he must have fallen asleep himself. One moment he was watching the nightshift dayshift handover outside Meredith's room, the next a new nurse had entered the room. New faces were running by their room. The clock above the door told him that it was seven thirty in the morning.

"Good morning. I am Susan. I am Meredith's nurse for the day." She introduced herself as she wrote her name on the whiteboard that held all the important patient information, "You are here early. I am a little surprised, normally I am all alone during first assessment."

"Derek. My sister got up early for work so I got up as well."

"Oh okay." She busied herself by getting the room ready to her liking. After an initial vitals check and checking all the pumps and lines, Meredith had woken up as well. Susan changed Meredith's blanket to a regular more comfortable one. Their forwent the sponge bath and just changed her hospital gown since she was clearly not up for more.

They had been told that her team would be in to round on her within the next hours. Then they would be discussing the further plan of treatment. By the end, Susan finally administered the next dose of pain meds that knocked Meredith right out. She had tried to force herself to stay awake a little longer but she couldn't muster the strength to do so.

Derek dived back into his paper. After some time he got a taste of the struggle they had faced overnight. About twenty minutes after Meredith had gotten her dosage, her blood pressure was dropping below her set threshold. The alarm started blaring waking up Meredith, whose heart started racing. Susan came in, turned off the alarm opened up her fluids in hopes it would be the solution to the problem and administered more medication.

Over the next hour, Meredith's blood pressure scratched the threshold multiple times but luckily didn't drop beneath it. After being woken up by the alert, Meredith tried her best to stay awake but her eyes kept falling shut for short periods of times, even if she tried to force them to stay open. They were having light conversation stopping whenever Meredith took one of her minute naps. In those times Derek watched the hallway, there had been a change of energy, it was daytime now. Half an hour ago, he saw the first white coats running around. It was almost time for rounds.

Rounding had been one major change from his private practice to a teaching hospital that took some time to get used to. It took way longer to round on his patients now that he had the obligation to teach a new generation of surgeons. Finding the balance between efficient rounding, teaching, and patient interaction had been a struggle at first. It took a lot of trial and error of reading the patients, their family members, and the circumstances to determine how much he could teach in front of them. Sometimes he did the teaching in the room others he did it out in the hallway or in a conference room.

Now he was on the other side for the first time in his career as a surgeon and a teacher. He watched as the armada of doctors went from ICU room to ICU room, taking their time with every single patient and debriefing before moving to the next. It was a long, tedious but necessary process. They were rounding on the patient that occupied the room next to Meredith's.

"I hope they come in soon. At least then we know it's over." Meredith whispered, her voice still very weak. Derek followed Meredith's gaze out on the hallway, where ten med students stood cramped up against the immobile part of the door, to listen in on what the leading physicians were saying.

"I know. It's weird being on the other side, isn't it?" Derek thought out loud.

Meredith yawned and faintly nodded her head in agreement, wincing in discomfort.

"They should be here soon, they've been to almost every other patient on this floor so far," Derek said. The wall only partly muffled the conversation on the other side of it, they could make out parts of what was being said. The doctors were wrapping up with the patient and were ready to move on to the next.

* * *

5/11/19

This story is now old enough to drink legally drink in every country. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I really appreciate all your reviews. I was blown away by last weeks feedback. Thank you, you make this far more fun than I ever anticipated. I can't say thank you enough. Let me know what you think, maybe we can beat last week or break the 100 review mark? If you have any ideas that you have to read in this story, you can write me a PM. Also if you have ideas for chapter names, I really struggled with this one - clearly. Have a great weekend. Bye


	22. Chapter 22 - Rounds

Welcome back! Please Enjoy! I still don't own anything recognizable.

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 **Chapter 22 - Rounds**

The ICU was never a quiet place. The sounds of mechanical vents, IV pumps, alarms and alerts, codes and the busy summing in the air. For a place with the hospital's sickest patients, it was one of the hospital's noisiest places. On the wards the doors were made out of wooden material and were more often closed than not, nurses checked less regularly and for most of the day, patients were left alone.

The wall separating Meredith's and her neighbor's ICU rooms wasn't very thick. When both doors were closed it supported a sufficient silence. But nurses tended to keep the sliding door always slightly ajar, it was easier to check on the patients that way.

A team of doctors was just rounding on Meredith's ICU neighbor.

"I hope they come in soon. At least then we know it's over." Meredith whispered, her voice still very weak. Derek followed Meredith's gaze out on the hallway, where ten med students stood cramped up against the immobile part of the door, to listen in on what the leading physicians were saying. Derek and Meredith had unintentionally listened to the doctor's run down for the last twenty minutes. Both were now much more accustomed to the person's case than they would have liked.

"I know. It's weird being on the other side, isn't it?" Derek thought out loud.

Meredith yawned and faintly nodded her head in agreement, wincing in discomfort. Meredith was trying her hardest to stay awake for rounds, her eyes kept getting heavy and she caught herself slipping once or twice.

"They should be here soon, they've been to almost every other patient on this floor so far," Derek said. "I think they are done."

The louder noises on the hallway suggested that they had left the patient's room and were now debriefing before moving on to the next patient. An armada of medical professionals flooded her tiny ICU room. Most were unfamiliar, the only two known people were her nurse Susan and Dr. Welch her surgeon. She counted at least three or four attendings. All had brought at least two or three residents each with their own interns. All the way in the back, still out on the hallway stood the med students. Meredith groaned silently, all eyes were on her.

A major disadvantage of going to a major teaching hospital with adjoining med school was that the number of doctors rounding grew exponentially fast. Back home they occasionally hosted med students doing their clinicals in surgery, but the Chief kept the number of students relatively small. It was a highly competitive program to get into, but the experience was worth the effort. The Chief had made it a policy that not more than five doctors rounded on a patient at once. If more than one specialty had to round, interns weren't allowed to be there and so on. There were times during her intern year when she and Cristina had cursed this policy. Being unable to see the patient during rounds was a major disadvantage. In order to be allowed to scrub into those surgeries, they had to prepare themselves with the patient's chart as well as being 150 percent read up on the surgery and all eventualities. Being on the other side now, she understood the policy for the very first time.

Derek took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. It was alarming how well he could read her. She hated to be in the center of attention if she got there without doing anything, like having a pioneering surgeon for a mother. She enjoyed being there if she got there because of her own brilliance and cleverness.

"Good morning." One of the attendings greeted them. Dr. Welch sent both of them a warm smile. Both Derek and Meredith replied the greeting, Meredith's was more of a weak whisper than an actual greeting.

"Okay, let's get this show on the road. Who is going to present?" the same attending said turning to one of the interns in the room, who immediately started residing her memorized chart. The dynamic was clear, the attending was obviously in charge, he probably ran the ICU and was the team leader as long as patients would be here. He was a little older than Derek, wore scrubs and his statoscope in his white coat pocket, he looked like an in action kind of doctor. The kind of attending that was hands-on when it came to patient care.

If Meredith hadn't been so preoccupied with feeling crappy she would have had more capability to feel more uncomfortable with the situation. Everyone stared at her, while the intern finished to present her case and the physicians started discussing her, talking about her as if she wasn't there and couldn't understand what they were talking about.

For the first time, she understood what it was like for patients, being bombarded with medical jargon and not really being acknowledged as a real human being, just as an object in a hospital bed that needed to be treated. Meredith had the advantage, that she understood what they were referencing when they threw around acronyms and numbers. While her exhausted body and brain tried to keep up, she appreciated that in case she missed some important detail, Derek would be there to fill her in later.

She hated being a patient for many reasons, mostly because when she was a patient she couldn't be a doctor. But right now she felt bad for every patient and family member without their extensive knowledge, leverage, and access to resources, who had to fight tooth and nail to get someone to explain was happening to them.

Her team moved on to discuss the potential reasons for her fever. The attending – she still had no idea what his name was – turned to the group behind him. "Ladies and gentlemen, most common causes for postoperative fever?" He asked the interns and med students. His question was met with silence. Some were going through their pockets in order to find the note that had the answer written on, others made the attempt to vanish in the background. "From memory people."

"The five 'w's. Water, wound, walking, wind and wonder drugs." Meredith whispered into the silence. She just answered on autopilot without thinking. She had been conditioned to answer those questions for a long time. When her mother had been in a good mood, seven-year-old Meredith had been allowed to follow her on rounds when she was on summer break. She had been there when Ellis Grey grilled interns, she had known the answers to some of the most common questions relatively quickly. Then in med school, if you wanted the opportunity to do something other than taking blood pressure or blood, you had to answer the questions to make yourself seen. One her very first shift as a doctor, Richard had asked them the exact same question. Back then Richard had been Dr. Webber, the Chief of surgery, who happened to do his residency with her mother, not her mother's long lost love she never got over. It had been the first time that Richard had talked to her, he had told her that she looked like her mother.

The attending spun around to look at his patient perplexedly, she had just given him the right answer to his question. "Correct?" he said a certain doubt in his voice.

"It's either correct or it isn't," Meredith whispered, "so which one is it?"

"What?" He asked.

"You said it with a question mark. But never mind, just continue, it doesn't really matter." Meredith answered.

"Yeah, so where was I? Right, what is our normal protocol for post-brain surgery patients who spiked a fever?" he asked his students.

"CBC, broad spectrum of antibiotics and a lumbar puncture." One of the residents answered.

"That is correct, so why do we have the CBC, gave the antibiotics but didn't do a spinal tap?" he asked.

"We were about to do a spinal tap, but we didn't get consent, so we couldn't," the medical resident from last night explained. He had totally ignored the part where Derek had illustrated why they couldn't do it. Derek looked at Dr. Welch who just smiled and shrugged.

"Did you educate whoever was responsible to give consent at the time about the potential risks about forgoing the spinal tap."

"Yes, we did. But he seemed adamant that it wasn't necessary. So we honored their wishes even if we disagreed," the resident explained.

Derek snorted disapprovingly. He couldn't believe that first, the resident spoke about him in front of him as if he wasn't there and second that he had totally missed the point. The attending sighed and turned to Derek, who was about to say something, when Dr. Welch interjected, "Withholding consent was the right call. But I am sure that Dr. Shepherd explained in detail the importance of not doing the procedure." Dr. Welch went into a detailed explanation of the risks. "I think we can move on now. If you want more information so we can avoid future misunderstandings, I am more than happy to provide some."

"Of course. My apologies. Moving on."

They continued talking about Meredith, as she tried her best to be as alert as possible, so she could catch all the little details. She was exhausted and felt like crap. Her eyes kept falling shut the more they stayed on one topic.

They had moved on from her fever to her very low blood pressure. By now she had figured out that one of the other attendings in her room was from cardiology, she had no idea why but all of a sudden they were talking about her cardiovascular system. They had put her on pressors last night in order to stabilize her blood pressure. From what she gathered from their conversation had she been tachycardic at some point. But the fact that she was or had been shouldn't surprise them, even she would have figured so much out by now. She would be asked simple questions about her well-being before they fell back into their discussions about treatment plans. She assumed that they hadn't caught on to the fact that they were dealing with two surgeons.

"That concerns us. We would like to schedule an echo, for today," The assumed cardiologist said.

"Hold on, hold on." Meredith stopped the conversation. She had a hard time speaking up, her body was working against her. "Why on earth would I need an echo? Last time I checked there was nothing wrong with my heart."

"Well, Miss Grey, patient history is very important to us. A thorough medical history can give an indication about how to interpret some of the patient's symptoms," Meredith groaned, she knew what was coming now "We had a look at your record and you've been on cardiopulmonary bypass not even a year ago…" The cardiologist explained.

"My heart is fine." Meredith spat out interrupting him.

Meredith gripped Derek's hand and he squeezed her back just as hard. Pictures were flashing before her eyes. The ferry boat accident, fire, sirens, the smell of burning fuel, wailing people, a small blond girl, her patient with the deep leg wound, the freezing cold filthy water, and the blackness. She did remember falling in the water at a stupid angle, having the wind knocked out of her, swallowing a lot of dirty bay water. The freezing cold march water instantly limiting her ability to move. Her wet cloth weighing her down, struggling to get some air, not knowing where the surface was. Fighting to get somehow up to the surface but her limps wouldn't do what she wanted because it was so freaking cold. And then everything went black. She couldn't remember if she hit something on her way down, if she had hit her head on a piece of debris or if her back hit something. The next thing she remembered was waking up hours later in a trauma room back at Seattle Grace to a crying Cristina.

Derek held her hand in a death grip. When he had handed over her medical record he knew that he was handing over sensitive material, he had never expected that her doctors would bring up something like that so bluntly during rounds in front of everybody.

They regularly fought about the bomb incident, but they rarely brought up the ferry boat accident. That day had left some pretty deep scars in both of them. Scars that would be there forever. He remembered that day so very clearly.

* * *

 _He had come to the scene of the accident, it had been chaotic. The noise and the smells. He had been in New York during 9/11, but he had stayed at the hospital treating incoming patients and was luckily never out at the scene, it was traumatic enough dealing with the victims at the hospital._

 _The ferry boat accident had been his first major trauma at the scene. He had jumped into his section triaging patient after patient. He had seen Meredith with a little blonde girl attached to her leg. They had exchanged some words before she hurried to triage more patients. It was busy and the flood on patients didn't stop._

 _Later he came across a patient with a professionally treated deep leg wound. He had been treated but was found alone at the harbor wall. The patient had been covered up with Meredith's hospital coat but there was no sign of her. When he had seen the little girl standing there alone, no Meredith insight he began to get a sickening feeling. Something was terribly wrong. He had asked the little girl where Meredith was and she had just pointed out to the bay. Panic had set in when he had seen the faint shadow flooding in the water. He had jumped in the dirty water without thinking. He had pulled her out of the freezing cold water between the rubble and oil leaks. He had hijacked the next available ambulance. The ride to Seattle Grace had been the longest of his life. He had performed CPR until Bailey had opened the doors of the ambulance. She had taken over for him, he had followed her into the trauma room, but had been kicked out instantly._

 _And then he had sat there for hours in front of the room, drenched, cold and living his personal hell. And all he had seen were images of a lifeless blue Meredith, with her arms covered in cuts from hitting some of the debris in the water. Mark had sat with him, finally convincing him to get changed._

 _After what felt like an eternity Burke had come up to him and talked to him about putting Meredith on cardiopulmonary bypass to warm her up. He had consented without thinking twice. Due to the major accident, they had trouble getting an OR and had opted for the procedure in the trauma room. Derek had left before they had started. He had wondered the halls aimlessly. He had known that Meredith had been hurt by her mother the day before, he had known even when it seemed that Meredith situation was accidental he knew that Ellis Grey had been a contributing factor to the situation._

 _When he had come across Ellis Grey's room, he had to tell her what a wonderful person her daughter was and that she had no right to belittle her. He had used more vulgar language than he usually would have to get his point across. He had stood there in her ICU room as a board-certified neurosurgeon yelling at an Alzheimer's patient. He had been acting on his own frustration and pain and Ellis Grey had been the perfect catalysator. That she had coded shortly after and had died in his presence had been another unfortunate piece to an already horrible day. When he had gotten the message that Meredith was awake and talking and seemed to have no neurological deficit he had started to cry._

 _He had spent the night in her ICU room always touching her, never leaving her side, making sure she was still alive. She had had multiple broken ribs, the incision wounds from the CPB, multiple cuts and bruises and had been in danger of secondary drowning, but she had been breathing and had had no neurological deficits. She had spent a couple of days in the hospital for more tests before being released. She hadn't been allowed back to work for a couple of weeks after the accident. The first week she had slept a lot but by the second it had been hard to keep her from going to work, she would sit in the gallery for hours watching his surgeries._

 _She had spent the next months in therapy working on her unresolved childhood issues. He had gone to therapy just to talk about what had happened and they had gone together._

* * *

It was the first time that someone from the outside with no knowledge about the circumstances had indirectly brought up the accident. No matter how hard you thought you worked to overcome such a trauma as the incident, the real test was how you dealt with it when someone brought it to your attention without a warning. Meredith ran her thumb over Derek's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. He squeezed it back. Meredith was okay, they were okay.

"It is just an echo, it's nothing invasive. It is just an ultrasound of your heart." The cardiologist finished bringing Meredith back to reality.

"I know what an echo is." Meredith was growing frustrated. She was physically weak and emotionally drained. She was more than uncomfortable in her position. She didn't want to relive one of the worst days of her life in front of a bunch of strangers. She got defensive and began to fight, to the best of her abilities. "But why? Based on what recent evidence?"

"The problem is that there might have been some miscommunication with your physician back at home. We didn't get the full record but instead, we only got a list of all medication as well as procedures without any explanation. By this point, we have no understanding why you were put on bypass." The attending cardiologist explained. "Without more information, we can't determine whether your irregular heart rhythm is because of an underlying health problem or because of yesterday's surgery. It's a precaution based on the limited information we got from your history. We are going to call Seattle Grace but it is still too early on the west coast."

"Well that doesn't answer my question, does it?" Meredith whispered wide-eyed. "No!" She started to panic a little. Everything loading on her at once. Her current situation, the memories of the ferry boat incident and now the fear that they would call her workplace to get more information when Bailey had only given them the notes they actually needed. The risk of someone picking up that didn't know about her surgery was high. Derek felt her mood change.

"This is not really something you can say no to," the ICU attending said surprised at her response.

"She is saying no to the call and not the echo. I would suggest that you move on." Derek interjected with some urgency, hoping that they would catch on to the fact that their patient was about to have a panic attack. Derek ran his thumb over Meredith's hand trying to calm her down. This would have been a prime situation where Meredith would have escaped from if she could have, but now that she was confined to her bed he wasn't sure how she was to react.

"Okay, but we really could use the information about the circumstances …"

"I think he's right, we should move on. Is there anything else we need to talk about?" Dr. Welch jumped in. He had caught on to what Derek was doing, he knew Meredith and he knew how secret she had kept all of this from her hospital.

There was a collective head shaking of the heads from the attendings. "Since this is running a little longer than expected, and I am now running late for my surgery, suggest we are done." One by one they started to leave her room. "Meredith, Derek I am sorry that we didn't have a chance to talk yet. I'm not going to look at your incision now, I'm going to save that for after my surgery. I will be back. Derek, you let them page me if you need anything. We will figure this out."

"Thank you," Derek said. Dr. Welch left the room and closed the sliding glass door on his way out. They sat in silence for a while just holding on to each other. They had stayed connected ever since Meredith took his hand. Both were caught up in their thoughts, trying their best to get rid of the pictures that had come without a warning.

"Are you okay?" Meredith broke the silence after a while.

"I'm getting there. What about you?"

"Same." Silent tears run down her cheek. Meredith had no idea why she was crying again but there was no way she could stop them from coming.

"It's weird, how you think you have put something past you and then it just blindsides you." Derek broke the silence after some more quiet minutes.

"Yeah," she agreed quietly. "At home, everyone knows and here no one does. I thought it would make things easier but it really doesn't."

"No, it does make it harder in a sense. This is a little too close to home for my taste. … I mean with you in the ICU."

"I know. I am sorry, Derek," Meredith told him sincerely.

"Nothing to be sorry about. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. I just wish we could have avoided all of this." Derek said thoughtfully.

"Me too. But shitty things keep happening to me. So this probably won't be the last time." Meredith said with a dark chuckle. Derek agreed to that with a single laugh. "But we have to remember that we are okay. You and me we are good."

"That we are." Derek agreed. He sat down on her bed and leaned over to give her a kiss. What started as a kiss soon evolved in a long embrace. They stayed like this for a while, just being with each other. He felt how Meredith slowly fell asleep again. He watched as her figures soften and she found some rest. She was right they were okay as long as they had each other. He couldn't imagine his life without her in it or without the ups and downs that came with her being there. With every challenge, they faced over the last one and a half years they had come back stronger in the end. And that was what kept them both going.

* * *

5/18/19

Welcome back, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think. I love reading your reviews so keep them coming. Thank you, everyone, who takes the time to read and review. I really do appreciate it. Have a great weekend! -Caro


	23. Chapter 23 - Newsworthy

Welcome back! Please enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 23 - Newsworthy

Derek was lost in the maze of hallways that called itself John Hopkins hospital. He had gone out to get a large cup of coffee the short night was finally catching up with him. Amelia had shared her favorite hidden coffee cart location in the hospital with him. She had given him directions from the ICU to the cart. He had found it without any problem on his way back, however, he had taken one wrong turn and was now walking along an office hallway. The part of the hospital patients typically never got to see, the part without the signs that guided them in the direction of the places they headed. Usually, Derek's sense of direction was respectable as long as he had a gross understanding of the place. John Hopkins was a huge hospital, much bigger than Seattle Grace and he had never been here before.

After walking around the hospital for twenty minutes Derek had finally found his way back to the surgical ICU on the ninth floor. In the process, he had walked by every imaginable unit. He walked by the nurses' station, where Susan was finishing some paperwork.

"You are back. Did you get some breakfast?" she asked looking up from the chart.

"No just coffee. I got lost on my way back." Derek smiled. "Did I miss something?"

"I got lost so many times during my first month, I am still surprised by how I always found my way back. It can be pretty confusing. She slept for most of the time, other than that nothing to report." Susan continued charting.

"That's good," Derek said pensively, taking a sip of the black liquid.

"Are you okay? You seemed a little spooked earlier," Susan asked. "Rounds can be overwhelming, with all the doctors in there."

"Yeah, I' fine." He smiled. Derek looked at the sleeping Meredith through the window

"Susan, can you get me the number and name of the physician for your patient in room 910? I need to call them about the medical record. Should be a Seattle number, I think it is Seattle Grace," the cardiologist form earlier came rushing to the nurses' station.

"Of course Dr. Randall."

"I thought we agreed that the call wasn't happening?" Derek said, taking another sip.

"I never agreed to anything. I don't appreciate when my patients willingly withhold potential important details of their medical history because they 'don't feel it'. In return, I get to call around to get the info. A conversation with the surgeon should clear everything up," Dr. Randall said, very annoyed by the extra work. He hated calling around for information because someone didn't do their job properly. Normally he had interns or residents do those calls but this patient had a special sign in her chart. She wasn't a VIP but not a regular patient either.

"Dr. Burke is not at Seattle Grace anymore. Last I heard he is at Mayo now." Derek told him.

"Dr. Preston Burke? The one that just got nominated for a Harper Avery?"

"Yes."

"He was the surgeon on the case?"

"Yes. He had a special interest in the case."

"Okay, well then there should be someone else who can give some information. Did you find the number yet?"

"Not yet. A Dr. Bailey and a Dr. Shepherd are listed as the physicians. I am looking for either number now." Susan replied she was going through Meredith's admission sheet and chart for the requested information.

"Thank you,"

"I spoke to Dr. Bailey last night and asked for the medical record. She is the one responsible for what you got. She is …" Derek looked at his watch, "… about to head into the weekly residents' meeting. She was on call last night and is ready to head home to her baby, I wouldn't if I were you," Derek shrugged. Dr. Randall looked at him in surprise. "Like Meredith said until yesterday her heart was perfectly fine unless you have any other information I think the provided information is more than enough."

"What about the other one? Do you have to say anything about him as well?"

"He is on leave and not in Seattle," Derek chuckled, Dr. Randall sighed. "but if you really need more details, you could just ask."

"I thought you made it pretty clear that you weren't willing to share. Besides I rather get my information from a credited source."

"You should really learn to read the room and the chart." Derek scolded.

"Excuse me? Who are you?"

"Dr. Shepherd," he held out his hand. Dr. Randall shook his hand. "The one on leave. Your patient is a doctor as well. And she had a valid point, didn't she? Since you are so adamant maybe we should discuss this somewhere a little more private?"

"Of course." Dr. Randall lead Derek in the doctors' room, which held the computers. "I am sorry, I didn't know that you were doctors."

"It's okay. What do you need to know?" Derek sighed.

"What procedure was done? Is there any history of cardiac disease?" Dr. Randall asked.

"There aren't any other health concerns other than the Chiari malformation and everything related to it. And it was just the cardiopulmonary bypass."

"That's what the list said. I don't understand how this is possible."

"You really want the whole story, don't you?" Derek asked slightly annoyed.

"It could really help."

"No, it won't. It is in the past, she had been cleared. Nothing that I am going to say is going in her official record, because it is irrelevant for her care and recovery. And you will stop prodding and respect her privacy. Dr. Welch knows and he is the only one who is on a need to know basis."

"Okay."

"Dr. Grey was part of a citywide trauma call, that resulted in an accident and her three-hour clinical death…"

"Death?" Dr. Randall exclaimed.

"Yes, death. CPB was the last possible effort to warm her back up and get her heart restarted. We are not willfully withholding important medical information. We know what is relevant to share so you can give the best possible care. Next time if you have any concerns we would appreciate if you would ask us in a more private setting. Not on rounds with twenty interns and med students present."

"Yes, of course. I am sorry." Dr. Randall said noticeably shaken by Derek's revelation.

"Dying is surprisingly emotionally draining for everyone involved. And I would lie if I told you that your prodding didn't trigger some flashbacks. And for what?" Derek elaborated.

"You are right. The information was irrelevant to her care. Again I am sorry for questioning your credibility. I have so many patients that lie and hide information, that I …"

"I get it. The 'how' makes a huge difference." Derek told him. Dr. Randall was a young attending, maybe a year out of his fellowship.

"I would prefer if we still would do the echo as a persuasion."

"Oh, I agree. Better safe than sorry, right?" Derek smiled.

* * *

The ICU was an emotional place. Sadness, fear, anger, and pain were a constant companion on the unit, but also hope, joy, and love were often present. As a doctor in the ICU there was a certain excitement, fighting death, making the impossible possible, the highest high and the lowest low most medical doctors would experience in their career. Meredith had always liked the excitement of the ICU – it wasn't as satisfying as being in the OR – but there were always procedures to be done, potential new surgeries and the fact that they were fighting death. There was never a dull moment in the intensive care unit.

But now there was, the boredom was unbearable. Meredith had fallen asleep soon after rounds. A mix of exhaustion and the meds taking over her body against her own will. She was tired and hurt but her mind slowly regained some sharpness. As long as she was not moving she had about half an hour where she was bored out of her mind. She had woken up about ten minutes ago. There was not a lot to do as a patient in the ICU. She had counted the beeps of her heart rate monitor - she had lost count a couple of times but she had finally gotten through a whole minute without miscounting. She was physically not able to do anything she normally enjoyed doing. So she watched the hallway. She watched as orderlies walked by transporting a patient. She had watched the nurses and residents by the nurses' station. Currently, some residents were bickering and joking about something, which made her think of where she was supposed to be in contrast to where she actually was. She had digested the initial shock of one of her doctors bringing up the ferryboat accident so bluntly. Her shock had evolved into anger. Anger that he had disregarded her questions.

Before she had fallen asleep, Derek had told her that he would go out to get some coffee. She waited for him to come back so he could entertain her. He had left her cell in her reach just in case she needed something while he was gone. Susan had just come by to do her half hourly check on her and to do something with her IV pumps.

Meredith's phone rang.

"Hey." She rasped into her cell she had somehow managed to reach her phone and flipping it open all with minimal pain. It took some time to make it stay by her ear so she could hear the other person.

"God, you sound like hell, Mer." Cristina greeted her.

"Well, thank you. I miss you, too." Meredith had to cough, which made her wince in pain.

"Have I told you in the last 24 hours that I hate Hahn?" Cristina asked without losing a second.

"No," Meredith replied.

"Well, I hate her. I don't understand how we are able to declare our specialty after the intern exam and how the head of the department can just ignore the fact that I did so."

"Still not on her service?"

"Yes and no. I can choose between med student scut work for Hahn or actual general surgery for the Chief," Cristina complained, "Ever since Burke was nominated Hahn is insufferable. You know how I feel about this nomination. It shouldn't matter that I used to sleep with him. It's in the past, I moved on so should she," Cristina complained.

"Mhm," Meredith agreed.

"And you took the sparkle pager with you. Now I can't even force myself on her service."

"Sorry," Meredith mumbled.

"Now that I have that off my chest. I can come to the real reason why I'm calling. What the hell did you do, Meredith?"

"I did nothing. I am not up to much … these days. Just laying here in a bed…" Meredith whispered.

"Okay let me rephrase. What the hell did you do on your flight to DC?" Cristina pushed on.

"You need to elaborate, Cristina. I'm not … the fastest at … the moment." Meredith took a deep breath to get some more oxygen in her lungs.

"While I was getting ready for work, I watched one of these morning news shows – you know one of these shows you just watch to have something on in the background? So you at least catch a little bit of what is happening in the world and you are not totally out of the loop. I don't really pay attention, because let's be honest it's not really interesting. I rather think about all the possible great surgeries that could come my way today. Then they talk about these two heroic doctors who reacted to a medical emergency on a flight from Seattle to DC late Tuesday night. So again, what the hell did you do?"

"Oh that … I forgot about that … seems like ages ago." Meredith replied.

"Yeah, oh that. What happened, spill."

Meredith recollected what had happened on the flight to her friend on the other coast. As she told her story she felt the tiredness slowly overtaking her again and keeping her eyes open was getting harder.

"Badass, Mer. I am jealous."

"Mhm," Meredith breathed out, her eyes already shut.

"How did your surgery go?" Cristina inquired and was met with silence. "Hey? Meredith? … Hello? … Mer?"

* * *

Derek had stood outside Meredith's room for a minute watching her struggling to stay awake and finally gave in. He quickly swooped in and freed her phone from her hand.

"Cristina?" Derek asked he had a pretty good idea who Meredith was talking to.

"Derek?"

"Yes. She fell asleep."

"She fell asleep while talking to me? That is a new low," Cristina joked.

"Yes, she is tired. She just had surgery. Cut her some slack," Derek uttered.

"I was kidding. Did you know that you guys made national news?"

"No, I did not. How did we manage to archive that?"

"Everyone loves a good heroic story and saving a life during a flight is considered newsworthy nowadays,"

"Oh, that." So much had happened that he had almost forgotten about the incident on the flight.

"You two have to work on your reaction. It's awful how unamazed you two are," Cristina stated.

"We are a little preoccupied at the moment," Derek sighed. "What did they say? Did they mention us by name? Do I need to fear a call from my mom?"

"Not that I am aware of. And I don't know when your mom calls or not. I don't really speak mom." She said Derek could hear her rolling her eyes through the phone. "Speaking of preoccupied, how is Mer. Your text last night wasn't really informative." Cristina accused.

Derek moved outside Meredith's room to have the dreaded conversation with her person. He had hoped that Meredith would have been able to tell Cristina what happened, but since she had fallen asleep mid-conversation, he was the one to break the news to her.

He explained in great detail everything he knew, but it still wasn't enough for Cristina.

"I don't know Cristina. I don't know." Derek sighed.

"Derek, you are a doctor, you should know those things. Why don't you go get her chart."

"Cristina, you know that I am not a doctor at this hospital. I can't just walk around demand information. It doesn't really work that way."

"Oh come on…"

"Don't you have some interns to terrorize? Or a surgery to get to?"

"I'll get to that in a second, don't you worry. So what is the next step?" Cristina questioned for the third time.

"As I said, I have no idea, I just had to explain to a cardiologist why Mer was CPB because he didn't take no for an answer. Then I came back to her room and immediately started talking to you. Yang, I promise I will keep you posted, but I am not going to tell you every single detail about what is happening and I am not going to recap every single conversation we have with any doctor word for word. And I'm not going to ask everything you want to know. So either you let us handle this or you fly out here and terrorize everyone yourself. We have it under control, Meredith is going to be fine." In the middle of his rant, he heard an alarm going off in Meredith's room. Derek turned around to check just to see that her BP had dropped under the threshold again.

"And miss surgery?" Cristina asked shocked.

"That's exactly what I thought." Derek laughed. "So I am going to go now. Go and terrorize some interns. Bye, Cristina." With that, the line went silent.

Derek exhaled. He hadn't expected that they would make national news, he just hoped that no one would be releasing their names to the public. Just in case he muted his and Meredith's phones.

Back in the room, Meredith had been woken up by the alarm again. It had been a reoccurring theme, she fell asleep and shortly after an IV pump would start beeping or the monitors would signal a low reading, waking her up again. Meredith had caught the end of Derek's conversation with her person. She watched him as he exhaled and turned around checking the monitor before catching her eyes. She had a smile on her face.

"My knight in his shining whatever has returned to save me from a slow and painful death of boredom," Meredith exclaimed weakly.

"So you falling asleep on the phone with Cristina was actually a near-death experience?" Derek chuckled as he gave her a kiss.

"I am so sorry," Meredith whispered.

"Why are you sorry?" Derek raised his eyebrows.

"Cristina. You seemed frustrated. So I am sorry. As a proxy for my person." She explained. "Do you accept my apology on behalf of my very intense best friend? She means well, you know that it just comes across a little harsh sometimes. And she is frustrated because Hahn is still refusing to teach her,"

"It is fine," Derek reassured her, he sat down on her bed and put a hand on her thigh. Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Really, it is. Don't worry about me," he smiled leaning over her to give her another kiss. Derek supported his weight, while Meredith put her IV free hand around his shoulder. It was the closest way to simulate a hug without her hurting too much. "So have you heard, that you made national news?" Derek asked after a while.

"Cristina said something about that. That's why she called. She was jealous of how badass I am," Meredith humorlessly laughed. "I bet she wouldn't be so jealous if she could see me right now." Meredith was frustrated.

"Hey." Derek ran his hand over her cheek, "Just a bump in the road. And to be honest, it was pretty badass. If I say so myself."

"If I remember correctly, you weren't so sure about it when I was about to do it." Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Besides there weren't many other options. And now I am the one in the ICU, for totally unrelated issues." Meredith groaned. "Do you have any idea what they were saying about us? How many details?"

"What you're actually asking is, did they release our names and do we need to fear the New York inquisition. And I honestly don't know Mer. All I know is what Yang told me." Derek brushed some hair out of her eyes. Meredith sighed deeply. "Hey, don't let it stress you."

"Very funny Derek. Very funny. Easier said than done."

"So if you forget all the circumstances and look at it from an administrative perspective it could be great publicity for Seattle Grace."

"Really, Derek? Publicity?"

"Think about it."

"No, I'm not going to think about it. What I am going to think about is how I get out of here and back home so that I can do what I am supposed to do. Saving lives in the OR. And to think that people would find out what we are doing, after all the effort we went through for them not to find out, just because I did something badass that seems interesting to the media …" Meredith let the sentence unfinished hanging in the air and let out a frustrated sigh. Her heart rate picked up as she started to panic.

"I know, we will deal with it." He reassured her leaning over to kiss her lips, just as the cardiologist appeared in the door. "You don't need to think about it."

"Hello, my name is Dr. Shri Marshall, I am one of the cardiology residents. I am here to have a look at your heart." A young Indian woman with long black hair introduced herself pushing in a mobile ultrasound machine.

"Hi." Meredith greeted the doctor looking at Derek again.

Dr. Marshall set up the ultrasound machine. "I am going to have to lay you flat, I hope that is okay." She said in a British accent as she lowered down the bed. Meredith winced in pain, as she changed position.

"I am sorry." The doctor apologized.

"It's okay. Just not on a lot of pain meds, that's all."

"Still." Dr. Marshall said as she exposed Meredith's chest so she could perform the test. She squirted the cool gel on and pushed the transducer on the skin where her heart was, staring at the image on the screen. Meredith was never really interested in cardio and hearts never called for her as they did for Cristina. Not being able to move her head without massive amounts of pain, made her look at the typical boring white tiled hospital celling in lack of a better option.

"You're from Seattle?" Dr. Marshall asked.

"Yes," Derek confirmed.

"So you just came here for the surgery? Doesn't Seattle have excellent neurosurgeons?"

"Oh no. They are okay. But you know no one is excellent or 'out of this world' brilliant." Meredith replied without any hesitation.

"Hey!" Derek protested.

"But Honey you said it yourself, you wanted me to go to the east coast."

"I always thought that Seattle had one of the best surgical teaching hospitals on the west coast. I always assumed neurosurgery was one of the great departments," Dr. Marshall commented.

"It has. I met with this one neurosurgeon before coming here and he just couldn't do it." Meredith giggled, making Derek shake his head.

"Oh okay. Is it possible to lay on your left?" Dr. Marshall requested. With Derek's help, she managed to roll over on her side. He took some extra pillows and put them supporting behind her, so she wouldn't have to hold herself up. The trained eye - and maybe even the untrained – could see that he wasn't doing this motion for the first time. It may have been a while since Derek was actively involved in patient care but he sure hadn't forgotten about it. He knew where to touch her, so she wouldn't be in too much pain. Meredith was grateful to have him by her side through this all.

"Now I can at least look at you. So much more interesting than the ceiling." Meredith joked locking eyes with Derek, sending as much love and gratefulness with her gaze as she could muster.

"That is so kind of you, Mer." His expression responding to hers.

The trio continued their light chatter over the rest of the test. Dr. Marshall finished up the echo, wiping away the residue of the gel.

"And?" Meredith inquired while trying to pull her hospital gown back in a more decent position.

"Actually I am not supposed to say anything until I went over the results with the team."

"Come on, there was nothing, was there? Everything was fine, right?" Meredith asked.

"Well, yeah."

"See, I told you. Totally unnecessary." Meredith said triumphantly, "Not that I minded having a conversation with you. But my medical judgment is not off."

Dr. Marshall looked at her a little confused, but couldn't question the statement of her patient since they were interrupted by Amelia.

"What did you two do now? And why do I get out of surgery and have about fifteen missed calls and tons of texts from our mother and sisters asking if you two are visiting me?"

"Well, that answers that question," Meredith mumbled, an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of her stomach mixing with the already lingering nausea.

"That it does." Derek let out a long breath, taking Meredith's hand brushing his thumb over her dry knuckles reassuringly.

"I thought you wanted to keep all of this private. So how would they know if you are here?"

"There was a medical emergency on the flight to DC and the media picked it up," Meredith muttered very fast, closing her eyes not being comfortable with the recent development.

When she had been on the plane in the situation, she hadn't thought twice about possible consequences that could come from her actions. Her medical training had kicked in and she had acted as she was trained to do. When you had the knowledge and training to help someone in need you didn't stand by – you did everything in your power with the available resources to help. That anyone other than the actual people involved in the situation would be interested never had crossed her mind.

"Oh!" Amelia whispered slowly grasping the situation. Her anger towards her brother disappeared at once.

Hopkins was to her, what Seattle was to Derek, an escape. And she was escaping her sisters and the stigma of some bad youthful decisions. Here she wasn't the little sister of anyone, the one that fell of the wagon because she couldn't handle her father's death. She was her own person, able to take center stage if she wanted to. A brilliant smart neurosurgeon, that no-one eyed as if she would fall back into addiction at any given moment. From time to time she would be summoned back to New York for a family dinner, but after a weekend of family life, she was always able to return into the safety of her self made bubble.

Yesterday while they had waited for Meredith's surgery to be finished the siblings had the opportunity to talk things out for the first time in a long time. She and Derek had come to an understanding.

When she had seen all the missed calls and messages she saw her bubble being burst by her loud judgmental sisters, because of something Derek did. But the looks on Meredith's and Derek's faces mirrored her own sense of horror she was feeling.

Amelia sat down on the foot of Meredith's bed. "What happened?" Dr. Marshall, who was still in the room followed the conversation between the three of them with great interest.

"There was a woman on the flight with a pneumothorax. And I don't know how Mer found out about it. But all of a sudden we are in the back galley with a patient on the floor about to place makeshift chest tube, with the medical equipment they had on the plane. Luckily they were able to land in DC because we already were late because of the emergency surgery Mer got stuck in back…"

"You placed a chest tube in 35.000 feet in the air?" Dr. Marshall asked Derek wide-eyed.

"Not me, she did. I wasn't allowed to. Because apparently, I wasn't competent enough for her liking." Derek explained the young doctor, who was now staring at Meredith.

"Hey! I lost count how many chest tubes I placed over the last 16 month, but I am pretty certain that your count is still at zero, Brainman." Meredith protested.

"Meredith has a valid point there, Derek."

"So you ARE a doctor. I knew it. That answers so many questions. Well, I better get going, someone will come in and talk about the results. It was nice meeting you." Dr. Marshall left the three of them alone, muttering something that sounded a lot like badass.

"You are a badass, Mer," Amelia told her. Meredith just shrugged not feeling much like a badass right that moment, in her hospital bed, connected to all the monitors and pumps, in pain, nauseous, itchy, exhausted, she even doubted if she felt human. "So what are we going to do about mom and the wolves? I guess they called you as well."

"I don't know." Derek exhaled running his hands through his hair.

"I am not really in the state to come up with an overly clever solution here," Meredith shivered, all of the sudden feeling really cold.

For the first time since Amelia entered the room they were brought back to the reality of their situation, with Meredith in the ICU, still very much recovering from her surgery and not totally on the mend yet. "So if you two can come up with something, that would be really great."

"We will figure something out. Don't worry, Mer," Derek told her, kissing her forehead noticing that it was warmer than earlier and that she had spiked a low-grade fever again. "You should rest a little. I still think you are the most beautiful woman but you do look like hell," He expected her to protest but all he could hear from her is huff of air that sounded a lot like an okay and then her eyes were already closed and she sound asleep. He pushed the little strands of hair out of her face and promised himself that he would do everything in his power to get her back on her feet as soon as possible. Even if he had to figure something out to prevent his family from coming to Baltimore on the next possible occasion.

"I have 35 minutes until my next surgery, we should grab something to eat and figure this out."

* * *

It's been a hot minute since my last update. I'm moving at the moment, so life has been really hectic and I am a little stuck with this story, too many ideas and no idea how to incorporate them into the story to my liking. For everyone who stuck with me so long, thank you. I enjoy seeing that people read my story from all around the world. Would have never thought that. And I appreciate every one of you especially if you let me know what you think. Thank you to all my loyal reviewers that leave a review on every chapter, you know who you are. Thank you! I have no idea when the next chapter will be up, but I am working on it. Have a great summer weekend.


	24. Chapter 24 - ICU

Chapter 24 - ICU

* * *

Derek and Amelia sat at a table in the far corner of the hospital's giant cafeteria. The weather outside was horrific, the rain was splashing at the windows, the wind was howling. Derek was picking at his sandwich while Amelia was devouring her burger. He didn't know why he had picked up the sandwich, he wasn't really hungry at all. They were having the same conversation for minutes and they were moving in circles.

"You know, …" Amelia said just having swallowed a giant bite of her early lunch, "I could just tell them that I don't know where you are and leave you to deal with it. I don't have any problem here. But you, my friend, are in deep deep waters with the sisters and the mother and the girlfriend. Good luck figuring that out."

"Jeez, don't you think I know that?" Derek sighed.

"What are the options?"

"I could ignore them like I did last year." Derek tried.

"Yeah, we all know how that ended, with Nancy in Seattle. So next."

"I could call mom and tell her that I am already back home."

"You could do that. Lying is always an option. But go on."

"I could call her and ask for privacy?"

"Is this a question or a suggestion?"

"Amy, I don't know what to do here. I am at a loos." Derek said desperately and kept picking at his sandwich. "Well, I sure can't tell them that we are here because Meredith had surgery. As far as I know, they all would be here as soon as their schedules would allow it. I can't do that to Meredith. You should have seen her back in June, the thought of meeting the family, freaked her out more than the actual reason we were coming over. And that was when we thought everything would be smooth sailing after surgery. Meredith doesn't do family in a traditional sense, she picks people to be her family. There was a lot that happened to her in the past that makes her not trust people solely because they are related to her. I think, I get it and I respect that, but I don't think mom or our dear sisters would understand. The past has shown, that they tend to push their agenda without any room for individuality." Derek smiled at Amelia.

"You don't say Derek?" she laughed out loud.

"Anyways, she doesn't want Shepherd family interference. Well except for you, but by now you can pretty much call yourself an honorary Grey sister. Meredith let me in, she choose to trust me. And I will honor her wishes because this is forever."

"Wait, wait, wait! Does she know that? Did you ask her?" Amelia held up her hand to stop his monologue.

"Of course she knows it. What do you think? We decided together. Months ago. I told her that I wanted to build a house for us and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She wants the same. I didn't even have a ring or anything and I for sure didn't plan on proposing then, but it was – how did Mer put it – very us." Derek explained to his sister.

"So you are engaged. Congratulations big brother. I am very happy for you! Both of you." Amelia smiled widely, "Who knows?"

"Meredith, Cristina, you and me."

"Cool, so I am in this super-secret club."

"Yes, you are part of a super-secret club," Derek laughed rolling his eyes. His little sister would always be his little sister no matter how old she got, "help me out of my predicament. How do I not lie to Mom and don't betray the woman I am going to spend the rest of my life with?"

"You want to build a future with Meredith and not with Mom. So I would say do whatever you have to do to keep them away from here. For your sake, my sake and for sure for Meredith's. Anyways…" Amelia got up from the table, "I need to go and do my job now. See you later. Have fun, big brother."

Derek took out his phone, for the first time since finding out about the media coverage. It was worse than he had expected, his mom had called several times, every single one of his sisters – except for Amelia – had called and messaged multiple times, asking if he was on the east coast and able to visit. He had expected that much, he didn't want to but he could deal with his family. Unfortunately did not only Cristina pick up on the media reports in Seattle. He had missed calls from Richard and to his dismay from board members as well as all of his and Meredith's friends. But there also were numbers he couldn't place, with different area codes. He expected them to be from different media outlets, which would mean someone had leaked his number and would make his phone pretty much unusable. He exhaled deeply, first things first, hold back the family.

* * *

Carolyn Shepherd missed her son. She had spent years surrounded by all her children. All of her kids had moved out after high school and never moved back in after that, but they had all always stayed close in the greater northeast region of the united states. Amelia her youngest had moved the furthest, she had always been the one who wouldn't just follow behind her siblings blindly and tended to make her life extra hard.

Carolyn never expected Derek to be the one who would move across the country without much of a warning, leaving behind everything he had worked for, for so many years. Then fall in love with a woman and consequently build a family far away from his home. She had a hard time accepting the fact that this was the new reality she was living in. Without much of an idea what was going on in his life and just the snippets she had gotten from phone calls and rumors, she had been concerned about him.

She finally had found some peace after his spontaneous visit back in June with the new woman in his life. She had seen him happy for the first time in years, being with Meredith, even if the two of them were hiding something. Just because she had found some peace, that Derek wasn't dying in Seattle, didn't mean that she didn't miss her only son.

Carolyn was on rare grandma duty for two of her youngest grandchildren, that had caught a bug at school. Typically she wasn't the person to watch a lot of TV she preferred a good book or the newspaper over the non-sense they were broadcasting these days. Out of lack for a better source of entertainment, she decided she would give in for a little bit, while the two kids entertained themselves with some made-up game. That was when she heard her son's name being mentioned in connection with a flight to Washington DC, which would put Derek not only on the east coast but also close to his youngest sister and herself. Without much of a thought about what he could be doing, she called first him, then Amelia and then she alerted her other daughters about a possible trip to DC to see their siblings. She only listened halfheartedly to what the reporter was saying.

Hours later Carolyn was still very excited about the possibility to see her son, but slightly concerned that he hadn't called her back yet. She jumped slightly when her landline rang.

"Hello." She answered hoping it would be him.

"Hey, Mom."

"Derek. I saw you on the news - not saw, but they talked about you. What are you doing on the east coast and why haven't you called?"

"It is kind of a long story, but that part was for sure not planned." Derek exhaled.

"So let me guess, if it wasn't for the news report you would have never let us know that you were so close to home." Carolyn accused him rightly. "Are you with your sister? Is she having trouble again?"

"God no! Amelia is fine, she is great actually. I just talked to her." Derek defended his little sister.

Derek felt like he was juggling balls, with every ball being a new situation he had to manage and someone kept throwing him more balls. Now his mom asked about Amelia, he never had guessed that she would jump to that conclusion, why he would be in Baltimore. His little sister had had problems with drug addiction in the past, but he hadn't seen her so happy, relaxed and at peace in many years.

"So what is it then?" Carolyn asked in a tone that didn't leave much room for discussion.

"Before I tell you anything – and let me tell you I am not going to tell you much – you need to promise me, that you – and with you I mean all of you – will not, no matter what I am going to tell you, come down for a surprise visit. And you need to promise me that you will not share any information with my sisters. Okay?"

"Derek, what is going on?"

"Mom, do you promise me?"

"Yes! Derek, I promise. So what is going on?" Carolyn rolled her eyes.

"I am in Maryland because yesterday Meredith had surgery at Hopkins. That is all I am going to say about that because it's not for me to share."

"Is she okay?" Carolyn asked concernedly.

"We're getting there," Derek sighed, running his free hand through his hair.

"Derek do you need anything? Is there anything we can do?" Carolyn inquired from her son.

"No Mom, there is nothing you can do, except promise me that you won't come. Otherwise, I am well taken care of."

"Are you sure, because Derek we are a family, we stick together, we help each other if we need help."

"I know that and I grew up with that. But other people might not have experienced family as we did," Derek sighed. "And you need to respect that and I am going to respect that. And Nancy's performance in June didn't necessarily help convince Meredith that family in the traditional sense is for her. Especially not when she is already vulnerable and recovering from major surgery. I would appreciate if you could tell my sisters that I am already back home. I know you are not a big believer in telling lies, but this is for the woman I love. So I'm asking you nicely."

"Okay, I see what I can do." Carolyn agreed reluctantly, she could hear the stress, the worry and the desperate need for Meredith to get better in her son's voice.

"Thank you, Mom."

"Derek, I know you don't want any interference and I understand that, but can I at least call and ask how she is doing?"

"Of course you can do that, I think she might like that. You just can't overwhelm her, you need to take baby steps with Meredith." Derek smiled a little. "When I get back to her, I will tell her what I told you and we see from there."

"I'll try to remember that, baby steps." Carolyn said, "Okay, so tell her and your sister I said 'hello' and I will talk to you soon."

"Will do and thank you. I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too DerBear," Carolyn told her only son before ending the call.

Derek exhaled a breath of relief after the call with his mother. He had managed to honor Meredith's wishes of a private and stress-free recovery, but he had also achieved to give his mother enough information to please her. With the New York threat fended off, he now had to focus on Seattle. As he had expected the board had taken an interest in the media coverage and saw an opportunity for the hospital to use this as great PR. He had to talk to Richard first to have him on his side before he had to make a very unpleasant phone call to a very excited chairman of the hospital board.

* * *

Derek was frustrated when he ended the conversation with Richard. He had hoped for more support from his side, but Larry Jennings had already been breathing down Richard's neck about this amazing PR opportunity. For someone who claimed 'to look out for Meredith because Ellis asked him to', he sure was doing a miserable job. After that conversation, he would let Richard handle the board, not willing to spend any more time on this topic when much more important issues waited for him some floors up.

Derek walked back to Meredith's room thinking about the call that just happened.

 _"Derek, it is good you called. The board heard what you did on the plane and they want you to do interviews because they think it would be great publicity for the hospital."_

 _"Richard, first of all, it was all Meredith…"_

 _"Well, it doesn't matter who does the interview."_

 _"Do you remember, why we are not at work right now?" Derek asked a little taken aback by Richards request._

 _"Of course I do, but …"_

 _"There is no but, Meredith is on sick leave. She is not even out of surgery for 24 hours, there is no way she will be giving any interviews any time soon. And neither will I. You should know by now that Meredith is not the publicity type." Derek interrupted Richard._

 _"Oh come on Derek. We could really use some good press like this, get more funding. Just talk to Jennings, see what he wants you to do."_

 _"Listen, Richard, I can see where this is coming from and I understand the management thought behind it, you know you could have counted on me under different circumstances. But Meredith just underwent major neurosurgery and is in the ICU. There is no way either of us is going to give any interviews, statements or anything remotely similar. We have other things to worry about right now so we can be back in time to do our actual jobs. I would appreciate if you would tell Jennings that we are not available because both of us are on leave. He can stop calling me and giving my number to different media outlets."_

After Derek's rant, Richard had finally seen reason and even apologized for asking in the first place. He was still quite aggravated that Richard would ask something like that of Meredith in the first place when he knew exactly what was going on.

Meredith had had a hard time during the first months in her residency, with her dating her boss and her mom's legacy hanging over her head. Derek had noticed that Richard treated her differently than other interns. One moment he would almost hand out praise for the simplest procedure to her and the other moment he would scowl her for the tiniest mistake. In the last months of Ellis' life, Meredith had figured out that Richard had had an affair with her mother, while both with their respected spouses, explaining some of Richard's atypical behavior toward Meredith. But it still frustrated Derek to no end that Richard would act this way around Meredith. He was hoping that their relationship would normalize over the next coming years.

* * *

Derek had reached the ICU, it was barely after one o'clock in the afternoon. Out of habit he went to one of the sinks on the floor and started washing his hands thoroughly. The personnel on the floor eyed him weirdly when he did so. Derek didn't care he wanted to be better safe than sorry and walking around a hospital with tons of sick people sure bared a risk. Normally family members needed to be reminded about infection control procedure for ICU patients. These protocols were second nature to him, he could not go without them. Derek ignored the stares, he was surprised by how many people haven't caught on that they were two physicians. He stepped through the open glass door back into the sterile rectangular room. He had been away for over an hour. Meredith was still resting in the same position as he had left her. The bed's back slightly angled, pillows were supporting her head so it could barely move. Her main nurse Susan, was in the room working on one of the many pumps.

„Hi," She greeted Derek with a genuine smile as he entered Meredith's room.

"Hey. Has she been asleep the entire time?" Derek asked, leaning against the glass wall, to give Susan some room to work.

"Pretty much. She was awake for about ten-ish minutes."

"Did I miss something while I was gone?" Derek asked.

"Not really. She has a low-grade fever and had another blood draw, but other than that nothing to report."

"Okay," Derek nodded.

"Just as a warning, Meredith just had her next dose of pain meds and Benadryl. It could be that her BP drops again. She should be pretty much out for the next hour," Susan told him.

"Thank you," Derek told her.

"Don't worry if it drops, we degreased her pressors earlier. We can always increase the dose again. We need to start somewhere. I'll be checking on her." Susan told him, already in the door to leave them alone.

Derek sat down, he was exhausted. He took the medical journal out of his bag starting his second attempt in reading one of the articles. He propped his feet up on Meredith's bed to get a little more comfortable. Halfway through one of the articles, his eyes became heavy and he fell asleep.

* * *

Meredith woke up feeling as horrible as before. She seriously started to doubt that what she was telling her patients about rest and getting better was actually true. The only improvement was that she wasn't in as much pain as before. The pain had almost been unbearable, she had been hurting. Her incision hurt, her head hurt, her back hurt, her central line hurt, even her hair hurt. But she quietly endured the pain, because she knew there weren't a lot of options left for pain management in her condition. Sure they could pump her full of more medication, could sedate her but she didn't want that. She was sure that Derek had been lying when he called her beautiful earlier, she was certain that if she just looked a little bit like she felt she could play an extra in a zombie movie. Meredith had only seen Derek this worried, exhausted and stressed once before. So she suffered silently for her self's saneness and Derek's. If she only could mask a little of her discomfort, she would make him feel a little better. Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see him sleeping in the hospital recliner, his feet next to her legs, his features relaxed the medical journal resting on his abdomen. She smiled, she liked seeing him relaxed.

She must have had a dose of pain meds not too long ago because for once her pain was manageable. Other than the pain, not much had changed, she was still nauseous, felt dizzy and her body itched.

The familiar alarming sound of the blood pressure machine sounded. Derek stirred but stayed asleep. The door opened and Susan came to check on her. She quickly turned off the alarm then proceeded to take Meredith's wrist to check her pulse, still looking at the monitor that was mounted above her bed.

"How low is it?" Meredith whispered in order not to wake Derek.

Susan turned to her. "75/50." she frowned.

"With the pressors?" Meredith asked, definitely surprised.

"No, just with fluids and extra sodium. I think you need them after all. How are you feeling?"

"Mhm. I'm handling it," Meredith said.

"I'll go get them. Maybe we can at least get the dizziness under control."

"Can you switch off the alarm for now?" Meredith asked Susan, being met with a stern face, "Just the sound for the BP. It's going to go off any minute now, potentially waking him up or me. I know that you are monitoring my vitals from the nurses' station." Meredith argued.

"Okay," Susan reluctantly agreed.

"Thank you," Meredith whispered gratefully.

By the time Susan came back with the medication, Meredith was already back asleep.

* * *

After her surgery, Amelia had come back to the ICU. She was curious if Derek managed to convince their mother to stay in New York. She wasn't scheduled to scrub into another surgery for two hours. She had found Derek working on some paper and Meredith fast asleep. It took some time until she had her brother convinced that he should go eat something and maybe brush his teeth.

Meredith woke up to something heavy on her bed. She was the kind of person who didn't like her sheets tucked in all the way, she liked it when she could move her legs. Whatever weighted her blanket down constricted her leg movement.

The pumps were still summing and the heart monitor steadily beeped. People were talking and even laughing. Meredith opened her eyes to see that Amelia had taken over half of her bed. She sat with her back propped up on the end of Meredith's bed feet hanging over the side. She had an opened chart on her lap and two other thick ones lying next to her. No wonder Meredith couldn't move. Amelia was talking to someone who Meredith couldn't see. It was a male voice but not Derek's. She was sure that if Derek was in the room he would be furious by how unapologetically Amelia had taken over Meredith's bed. But she didn't mind. If she would be at Seattle Grace her friends would be occupying her room in between surgeries, just as they had taken over 'really old guy's' room when they were studying for the intern exam.

"It was a total bust," The other person laughed, "no seriously, it was the worst date I've ever been on. Stop laughing! It's not funny. I had to fake a page to get out. He was a total dud, pretty to look at but nothing more."

"That is what you get for going on a date with a pathologist, Shepherd." Amelia threw a pen cap at him.

"You went on a date with a pathologist? Pathetic." Meredith whispered.

"I know, I know," Amelia whined, "Hey, you are awake."

"I thought you had standards," Meredith teased.

"Shut up Mer. Not everyone can date a surgeon."

"Not that you tried, right? Is there any surgery fellow left in this hospital that you haven't dated?"

"No comment."

"You're like me before Derek. Then again I always had standards," Meredith winced in pain, which had come back in full force.

"You okay?" Amelia asked.

"I'm fine." Meredith exhaled.

"Yeah, right," The male voice snorted.

"Milo, meet Meredith, she's always fine even if she's not. Meredith, meet Milo he doesn't believe you. He's a neurosurgical fellow as well."

"Hi," Meredith greeted Milo, still not having an idea what he looked like.

"Hey,"

"So I am your 'really old guy' or what are you doing here?"

"Really old guy?" Milo asked.

"A sedated old guy where we spent our lunch breaks. To eat, chart and play cards."

"You ate lunch in a patient's room while he was sedated?"

"We're not here to question my moral values, I'm asking what you're doing here?"

"We are hiding from the interns and Derek asked me to stay,"

"What did your interns do?" Meredith asked, stirring the conversation away from her.

"They are being stupid little suck-ups, with no neuro knowledge what so ever," Milo said with a big frustrated sigh.

"One is more stupid than the other. So we hide and let the residents deal with them. They can make sure that they don't kill anyone." Amelia said with a laugh. "They just changed the surgical rotation on Monday, so they are all very green."

"I feel sorry for your patients. Are you comfortable Amy?" Derek asked. He had just come back from a bathroom break and some very early dinner.

"Very, thank you for asking." Amelia turned around to face her brother.

"Good, I am glad. I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable while charting." Derek walked over to Meredith leaning over to give her a kiss. "Hey, did you have a good nap?"

"Yeah. Still exhausted though," Meredith whispered. "Did you talk to your mom?"

"Oh, yeah I want to know as well. Did you fend off the wolves?" Amelia asked, still sitting on Meredith's bed unamazed by her brother's comment.

"I talked to her explained the situation without giving her too much information. I let her deal with our sisters since she was the one who called them. I also talked to Richard, Jennings wanted you or us to give an interview." Meredith cringed hearing that statement. "Seattle is taken care of, I think. I haven't checked my phone in a while." Derek exhaled. "So what did I miss?"

"Amelia went on a date with a pathologist."

"Meredith!" Amelia cried.

"It's true," Meredith shrugged.

"A pathologist? Really, Amy?" Derek asked.

"Thank you, Meredith. Exactly what I wanted, discussing my dating life with my big brother." Amelia rolled her eyes.

"Sorry."

"Actually I was asking about you, Meredith, and if something happened while I was gone or should I go ask a nurse since you have more pressing topics to discuss?"

"I'm fine," Meredith mumbled.

"So nothing has changed and you feel just as shitty as before?" Derek asked and sat down on the bed next to her.

"Pretty much," Meredith agreed, taking his hand.

"That's what I thought, you still don't look good," Derek told her, running his thumb over her knuckles again, looking at her lovingly.

"Oh, you have a full house," Susan said as she came in the room with a gift bag. "We got a delivery for you. We normally don't get deliveries to the ICU, someone was apparently very eager for you to get this," Susan told her as she gave her the baby blue bag, with printed baby illustrations and the phrase 'it's a boy' to her. Then she proceeded to change out an IV bag. "It's quite the interesting choice of bag, I'm intrigued."

Meredith was perplexed when she took the bag. Someone had sent her something and there were only about six people who knew where she was at the moment. Maneuvering the gift in her position was a little hard. At first, Meredith read the baby blue card she pulled from the bag, not quite sure what to expect next. All eyes were her on her.

"What does it say?" Amelia pushed her for information.

"It says: 'So that you're prepared for the next time, just in case. The other dirty mistress'" Meredith read out loud.

"Oh no, what did he send you?" Derek asked in horror.

"I don't know. I'm scared," Meredith whispered, pulling a familiar square box out of the bag. As soon as she saw the content, she started chuckling.

"A chest tube tray?" Milo asked bewilderedly "Who sends someone a chest tube tray?"

"I think I love your friends. Who came up with this genius idea?" Amelia laughed, Derek joined in. It was a pretty funny gift.

"Mark," Meredith laughed out loud and instantly regretted her decision. One wrong move and she was in excruciating pain. Her chuckles turned into silent sobs. Meredith closed her eyes tightly so that the tears that were shooting in her eyes wouldn't spill over. She dug her fingernails into own palm and Derek's hand but didn't make a sound of discomfort. Derek reassuringly ran this thumb over hands but said nothing.

"Mark Sloan send you this? Genius," Amelia continued laughing, explaining to Milo and Susan why she was sent that particular gift, while Derek silently comforted Meredith. She controlled her breathing, her eyes always shut. Meredith and Derek were in their little bubble, just the two of them. Derek barely registered what the others were talking about, Susan had left to check on another patient. A pager went off and Milo bit his goodbyes to attend to one of his patients. At some point, Meredith's fingers relaxed their tight grip. She had fallen back asleep. He let out a breath, he didn't like to see her in so much pain because she had to laugh or cough or move.

A hand squeezed his shoulder reassuringly startling him slightly and when he looked in his sister's blue eyes he could see some of the same worries he felt radiating of himself.

„It's going to be okay. They'll figure it all out," she whispered.

„I know, I don't doubt that. It's just hard if you can't distance yourself emotionally to let yourself think clearly for a second," Derek sighed.

"I know." She simply said and continued some charting, "So, how did Mom react?"

"I think, she doesn't understand why we don't want her here, but I think she is going to respect it anyway. But she alerted the wolves and I have no idea how this is going to play out. You know them," Derek said knowingly.

"Yep, all too well. I swear to god if they turn up here uninvited, I'm going to …" Amelia trailed off.

"What? What are you going to do then?" Derek smirked.

"I don't know. Pretend that I'm not here? Hide in OR for as long as possible?"

"And just leave me to deal with them by myself?"

"Given the circumstances, I would let you hide with me," Amelia joked.

"You are too kind to me. And we just take Meredith with us to hide out."

"Of course."

"Seems like a real legitimate grown-up plan, Amy," Derek laughed.

"Right? You would think I'm five. But they think that anyway, so it's all on brand." Amelia shrugged, "Let's just hope it never comes to it."

"Yeah, let's hope that. But I wouldn't put it past them."

"How can I have four siblings and you are the only decent one? Don't get me wrong you can be quite annoying as well. But since you moved across the country it has gotten so much better."

"Thank you, Amy. I love you too. Don't you have something to do? Like work?" Derek suggested. Derek had migrated to the chair next to Meredith's bed, their hands still connected and his eyes always on her.

"Hey, are you trying to kick me out? I just told you, you were the only decent one," Amelia laughed. "No, actually I have to go, duty calls."

"What do you have?" Derek asked turning his head toward his sister, who had gotten of the bed collecting the heavy charts of Meredith's bed.

"You're leaving me?" Meredith asked in a raspy voice.

"Yes, I have a biopsy in half an hour," Amelia told them. "And no, I can't take you with me, Meredith." Meredith pouted. "Ha, I knew it," Amelia laughed, "I'll see you guys later." She said over her shoulder almost running into someone on her way out. "Oh, I'm sorry."

Derek turned around to the door to see a three doctor in front of Meredith's room about to walk in. "Are you ready for another round?" Derek asked Meredith, who had followed his gaze out to the hallway.

"No," she whispered. "Because that is the guy from this morning and he isn't going to be happy with just taking blood. But maybe we get some answers."

"Hopefully," Derek agreed, kissing her temple.

The grey-haired ICU attending dressed in scrubs knocked on the door and entered the room with a trail of interns following behind.

"I'm Dr. Meyers. We met earlier and I don't know if I introduced myself properly. I'm the ICU attending today. I just wanted to check in and go over some things with you. I hope you don't mind if some of the interns and med students listen in on our conversation," He introduced himself shaking their hands, smiling warmly.

"Derek," Derek introduced himself, "It's fine."

"Great. So first things first, how are you feeling, Meredith?"

"I'm …" "Don't you say it, Mer," Derek said through his teeth. "… fine." Derek sighed.

"Fine?" Dr. Meyers raised his eyebrows.

"Sure," Meredith shrugged, felling Derek's stare on her, "I'm hot but also cold. I'm sticky, itchy, dizzy and nauseous. My mouth is dry as sandpaper, but can't drink anything or I'll throw up. I'm in pain, but can't have anything because every time I do, my BP drops. I'm tired but the alarms keep me awake. I'm bored and I really don't want to be here. And nobody tells me anything. So yeah I'm fine," Meredith rasped.

"Interesting definition of fine," Dr. Meyers chuckled.

"Someone once told me that I used that word so much that it lost its …"Meredith explained but started coughing before she could finish. "meaning," she added when she finished.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Where do we stand?" Derek asked.

"Basically we haven't found anything yet to pinpoint why you would feel so bad after surgery. Your blood count is in the normal range. No elevated white count. There is no sign of an immediate sign of an infection, but those can creep up after some time. We have you on a broad spectrum of antibiotics just in case," Dr. Meyers explained.

"So, basically you know nothing?" Derek frowned. "What's the plan?"

"Obviously given the circumstances we are keeping Meredith in the ICU. Today is the first day with really bad weather in a month and the ER is swamped, we are expecting to get some new ICU admissions overnight, but I can guarantee you are not being moved before we have this figured out. I talked to Dr. Welch before he got called into surgery and he's trying to move her to the Neuro ICU. He will be here as soon as he can. We agreed that for now, we try to get you sitting, so I have a quick listen to your lungs, have a look at your incision and change the dressing. Maybe the sitting up will help things," Dr. Meyers explained.

"Okay," Meredith whispered.

"I'm just going to raise the bed up a little so you can get used to the feeling," he said, while the bed moved up to an almost 90-degree angle. "How does that feel?"

"Okay," Meredith whispered. She could almost feel the CSF rushing. It was a weird and unfamiliar feeling with the reduced pressure. After a couple of minutes, Dr. Meyers pushed her further.

"Good. Now let's move your feet to one side of the bed, so you can sit on the edge. You can hold on to Derek." Dr. Meyers instructed.

Meredith knew now came the painful part. Derek held her hands, as Dr. Meyers made sure all her lines and leads were clear, coaching how to swing her legs to the side of the bed so she could sit up freely. Meredith was determined to get this far, no matter how much it hurt and exhausted her. She grimaced in pain, squinting her eyes shut, but kept quiet. Meredith was gripping onto Derek's arms as if her life depended on it. He was amazed by her strength and her will. Meredith was panting.

"Good job. Deep breaths. How are you feeling?" Dr. Meyers inquired, while Derek supported her silently, running his fingers over her arms.

"Dizzy, nauseous and exhausted," Meredith whispered.

"You're doing great. I'm just going to listen real quick. It might be a little cold." The cold stethoscope pressed on her back. Meredith flinched. "Deep breath in. Good. Deep breath out." Meredith was instructed. She knew the routine, first the back then the front, in and out. The eyes of the interns and med students always on her. She began to shake from exhaustion and felt the beginning of a headache approaching. She closed her eyes. "We're almost done. I am just going to look at your incision and change your dressing real quick. You are doing good."

An intern brought over the supplies for the dressing change. Dr. Meyers put on a pair of new gloves. Derek, his attention mostly on Meredith, could see out of the corner of his eye how Dr. Meyers peeled off the dressing. Derek watched how Dr. Meyers' eyes widened for a split second. But that split second was enough for Derek to know that something was not right, whatever it was. "How does it look?" he asked calmly not to alert Meredith but prepared to hear the worst.

* * *

8/24/19

It's been a while since my last update. I'm sorry. I was stuck with the story and another idea pooped into my head, so I worked on that one instead. I know probably shouldn't have done that. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and that you are still interested in this story. I'll try to update soon but I make no promises. But I'm not planning to abandon this story, but I want to be satisfied with what I upload and that can take some time. I want to thank everyone who reviewed the story so far and read it. See you soon. Bye. (You know the spiel: Review, Follow, Favorite, if you like)


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